bloodaye Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 I mean besides the obvious,why i ask is because i would never in a million yrs cheat on my partner no matter how unhappy i was.What i would do b4 i ever consider cheating is bow out of the relationship well b4 i would **** someone over like that. What goes through theire heads? Do they not feel guilty? I mean how the hell can you come home to your partner,right after you have been with someone else and feel good about it? What kinda mentality is that? Just could never figure that one out.
omit Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 I reckon its a need for somthing thats missing, i dont mean physical.
Darkzen Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 People cheat for two reasons primarily. Selfishness and mental weakness. That's the core of it anyways. All the other reasons people like to use as excuses, can be traced to those two root things.
serendip Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I'm still trying to figure out why my ex-girlfriend cheated on me she kept on giving different excuses as to why she did it...not one of them was a reason...b/c her actions proved different funny thing is...we talked about people who cheat and she said she would never cheat on someone(she respects herself and the other person too much to cheat)...months later she cheats
brothermartin Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I mean besides the obvious,why i ask is because i would never in a million yrs cheat on my partner no matter how unhappy i was.What i would do b4 i ever consider cheating is bow out of the relationship well b4 i would **** someone over like that. What goes through theire heads? Do they not feel guilty? I mean how the hell can you come home to your partner,right after you have been with someone else and feel good about it? What kinda mentality is that? Just could never figure that one out. Well, it depends. If its a man, the reasons are usually practical and selfish. If its a woman, the reasons are usually anything but practical and far away from selfish.
Toolate Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 How could a woman cheating not be selfish, sure there are other things, but selfish sure is one of them.
trevor_n Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 guys i absolutely feel you on this ,, im also trying to figure out why on earth my ex- girlfriend cheated,we sometimes would discuss the issue of infidelity,and she told me how she would never do it. then a few months later she goes and does it. the most painfull part is the lies that came with it, i lost all respect for her.
littlekitty Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Everyone you ask will no doubt give you a different reason/excuse as to why they choose to cheat. Fact of the matter is they don't love and respect their current partner enough not too. I think many women would say it was because something was missing in their relationship. But it's still no excuse to cheat.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I can't speak for all the cheaters out there, but I think it's a form of releasement from the current relationship they are in. It's like cutting off your foot from the trap - they feel trapped and the cheating is a form of escape. Although, it's never a releasement, just another trap or hole they are in. Like a leaf in the storm, it goes one way and then another but never going in the direction it may need to go in. The best thing the cheatee can do is try to modify their behavior to let the cheater know that they care enough to make it all work. This usually doesn't happen and the relationship slips away. Most people cannot change. I also believe that once someone cheats they only cheat on the person they cheated on. Not if they are in another relationship. It's the relationship that is not rewarding to the cheater, not necessiarily the person or the self.
underpants Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 People cheat for two reasons primarily. Selfishness and mental weakness. That's the core of it anyways. All the other reasons people like to use as excuses, can be traced to those two root things. This rings true to me. I just think cheating or being an informed affair partner is a character flaw. I don't need to investigate further. ...and there are people (male and female) who do not cheat.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I can't speak for all the cheaters out there, but I think it's a form of releasement from the current relationship they are in. It's like cutting off your foot from the trap - they feel trapped and the cheating is a form of escape. Although, it's never a releasement, just another trap or hole they are in. Like a leaf in the storm, it goes one way and then another but never going in the direction it may need to go in. The best thing the cheatee can do is try to modify their behavior to let the cheater know that they care enough to make it all work. This usually doesn't happen and the relationship slips away. Most people cannot change. I also believe that once someone cheats they only cheat on the person they cheated on. Not if they are in another relationship. It's the relationship that is not rewarding to the cheater, not necessiarily the person or the self. Your basic point is correct. Cheaters do what they do often to escape. However, cheating shows a complete lack of ability to deal honestly with people about issues and to resolve them with personal integrity. Most cheaters believe that they either wont get caught or that there are no major consequences to getting caught. Which is why I am a firm believer in making people understand exactly what they are dealing with the moment they get into a relationship with me! I think cheatees need to stand up be stronger and demand more respect! My mother is a cheater... and Im going to tell you right now, with all honesty, and complete sincerity, "when you cheat, you dont just cheat on your spouse, you cheat on your whole family".
goxcrazy19 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 1st.Lack of feelings. 2nd.Not satisfied with you anymore. 3rd.Just doesnt care anymore. how i think about it..is that if you really care of someone and you really love them you will never be able to cheat on them.I have cheated on my ex before with whom i was in a relationship for over a year..and the reason i did it,because i didnt care for him at all and wanted a break you,but he wouldnt leave me.I still felt guilty tho.but what can i do..i told him i want to break up..i told him there is nothing there..he wouldnt let go of me...thats my story...there are lots of diff reasons people cheat.
amaysngrace Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I feel the same way about people who murder their spouses. Why on earth would you kill your spouse when you can just get a divorce? And the same goes for cheaters. The way I rationalize things it is in the same category to me.
jtalia Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I couldn't imagine ever cheating on my husband. I was a firm believer of "do unto others....." I would never want that done to me, so why would I do that to someone else?? But it happened. I did cheat. Not everyone does it for the same reasons. I am sure some do it for the thrill and the feeling of not being caught, etc. But some people do it to fill a void in their lives. I am married with 2 sons. I have a lot invested. This was not an easy decision for me and now that I have done it, I have to lie in my bed. My intention was never aimed at hurting my husband or my kids. I have been in a marriage where my H has verbally abused me for years. My self-esteem sucks. We have lack of communication. I had suggested counseling several times and he flat out refused to do so. I threatened to leave several times, but always chickened out because I didn't want to have to take my kids away from their dad. I always said I was going to leave once the graduate high school. That is another 9 years...... I did not feel loved or appreciated. So I found it somewhere else. Someone boosted my self-esteem. It was great to have someone else attracted to you that did not call you names like c*nt all the time. I felt wanted. I am not condoning A's. They are not right but they happened. And I was that person who said I would never do it. But never say never. I thought the same thing. Now, I am living in a nightmare. Too scared to tell my H and too scared to forget the MM.
amaysngrace Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I have been in a marriage where my H has verbally abused me for years. I was too. Controlled. Beat when I tried to leave. Humiliated. Wanna hear a true story? I got pregnant back to back. My kids are 10 and a half months apart. My second pregnancy was twins. I lost one early on. I was high risk pregnancy. I was put out of work by my doctor. My husband was the only one working. He decided to get a solo bank account. His checks were directly deposited. The statements were sent to a PO Box. One day he was leaving for work. I told him I needed money. I had to beg pretty much. He gave me his ATM card. Told me the pin. I went to the bank very pregnant with an infant on my hip. Tried to use the machine. It wouldn't work. I asked a teller for help. She punched it into the computer and told me the "card has been reported stolen". You know what I did? I eventually divorced him. Because no matter which way you slice it, two wrongs NEVER make it right.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 "when you cheat, you dont just cheat on your spouse, you cheat on your whole family". Very true statement. I would say that I know of many people that have spoken to their spouses (cheatees) to tell them that they are feeling unhappy, unloved, etc. and the cheatee does nothing about it. No counceling, no change. So, the cheater, cheats. I do believe that the cheatee thinks everything is mostly fine and the cheater thinks eveything mostly stinks.....
Darkzen Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 All excuses. Don't like a situation, you leave it. I don't care what is going on, you're only trapped if you trap yourself. If you have children, they'll understand when they get older. No one is putting a gun to your head to stay. People can find a way if they want to. Not saying that it's easy, but life isn't easy. Integrity is following through on your actions. Entering a committed relationship and breaking your word, no matter the reason, is still breaking your word. This is why cheating is looked down upon... you have zero integrity. The honorable thing to do is leave the relationship if you aren't "feeling it", this shows that you have integrity. Cheating is selfishness, you want what you want and are willing to do whatever to get it (even sacrifice your integrity). There has to be a reason that you want to stay with the person you're cheating on, otherwise you'd just bounce. Cheating is also mental weakness, because you make excuses as to why it's acceptable. Stealing is stealing, regardless if it's a penny or a million dollars. At least be honest with yourself and call a spade, a spade.
shadowofman Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 People cheat for two reasons primarily. Selfishness and mental weakness. That's the core of it anyways. All the other reasons people like to use as excuses, can be traced to those two root things. I can agree for some, but I would add delusional. You may call it just an excuse, but it is common. I was doubly delusional when I got into my current relationship. Half of my brain was thinking that "This is the one. I could just have sex with this one girl forever, because she is so hot." And the other half was thinking that she would become promiscuous with me. That we would have threesomes and what I concider to be a progressive sex life. See, delusional. 1st.Lack of feelings. 2nd.Not satisfied with you anymore. 3rd.Just doesnt care anymore. Again, could be for some. I reject the notion that cheaters don't love their partner though. I bet most do and are extremely sorry for what they have done.
Darkzen Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 I can agree for some, but I would add delusional. You may call it just an excuse, but it is common. I was doubly delusional when I got into my current relationship. Half of my brain was thinking that "This is the one. I could just have sex with this one girl forever, because she is so hot." And the other half was thinking that she would become promiscuous with me. That we would have threesomes and what I concider to be a progressive sex life. See, delusional. Again, could be for some. I reject the notion that cheaters don't love their partner though. I bet most do and are extremely sorry for what they have done. Being delusional can be traced to the core of mental weakness. Threesomes aren't necessarily cheating either IMHO. Although, the couple involved has to meet a few requirements... A) they both have to want to do it. B) It has to be discussed and rules laid out. C) The third party should basically be a play thing for the couple, no emotional aspects at all. Problems arise when it's not a mutual decision, no ground rules are set and someone involved takes it farther than it should go. To me cheating is when you go behind someone's back TBPH, because you're betraying their trust and breaking your word. The terms of a commitment can be renegotiated, as long as both sides agree. The act of sex isn't what makes cheating bad, it's the betrayal/lying/etc... that does.
serendip Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 No matter what the situation cheating is wrong.
bish Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 I'm still trying to figure out why my ex-girlfriend cheated on me she kept on giving different excuses as to why she did it...not one of them was a reason...b/c her actions proved different funny thing is...we talked about people who cheat and she said she would never cheat on someone(she respects herself and the other person too much to cheat)...months later she cheats My question is....why try to figure out WHY she cheated? The problem is that she DID. Cheaters just need to be dumped, and then you move on.
bish Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 The best thing the cheatee can do is try to modify their behavior to let the cheater know that they care enough to make it all work. This usually doesn't happen and the relationship slips away. Most people cannot change.. So you condone emotional extortion? Someone cheats...then expects the betrayed to change their ways, as if they really did anything to cause the other to cheat in the first place. So your solution here teaches cheaters a really valuable lesson. Cheat and your SO will bend over backwards to do what you want them to. The moral of the story? Cheating is ok.
bish Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 My mother is a cheater... and Im going to tell you right now, with all honesty, and complete sincerity, "when you cheat, you dont just cheat on your spouse, you cheat on your whole family". A friend of mine disowned his mother for cheating on his father. he won't speak to her to this day. Fitting punishment is to lose the respect and contact of your children for betraying one of the people they hold dearest to their heart.
serendip Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 My question is....why try to figure out WHY she cheated? The problem is that she DID. Cheaters just need to be dumped, and then you move on. True, but easier said then done No matter what there's always feelings of loss. I forgave her for cheating on me...then she went behind my back and did it again.
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