RocketMan2 Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Hey all I need you guys to stop me doing something i'll regret... My ex dumped me almost a year ago completely out the blue and was really disrespectful and hurtful to me afterwards. I was completely in love with this girl, i've thought about her every day for almost a year (not exeggerating, shes seriously ALWAYS on my mind). so anyway, i get a text last night from an unknown number (but im 99% sure its her) saying ... "hey were gonna have to meet soon, my bfs a **** n i still like you xxx" The last time i spoke to her was about 2 months ago via her sisters msn account (because ive blocked everything from her, i did strict NC). I was really brief, she was like "hey just wanted to see how you were doing". i was polite and breif and ended it asap. Before that i havent heard from her since......feb? Anyway, what do i do? (((((((((( I think about her constantly, my lifes hell because i purposely go out my way all the time to avoid seeing her, i dont go places i know she went (even once!). Im so scared about bumping into her because i know id just break down if i saw her. Yes im that pathetic I want her back more than anything, but theres no way at all it could ever work. She owes the the biggest apology, which not only will i not get, but whatever she did probably wouldn't be good enough anyway cos ive built it up so much. She probably doesnt even know what she did to me, thats the worst part. I don't even know how i could trust her, she wouldnt be prepared to put the necessary effort in because she probably doesnt think she even did anything wrong. How can she just text me like that? Thanks for letting me know im 2nd best eh? I havent got over her in the absolute slightest, in almost a year! so do i humour her and see what she has to say for herself, or just be strong with the NC? This is the one thing i really DONT need, dont make me choose between turning down the girl i loved unconditionally because i "know its for the best" and going out with her and getting **** on again. I couldnt break up with her again. But maybe seeing her and it just going bad would be for the best, then i could get her off this ****ing pedistal that ive got her on and stop obsessing cos id actually hate her. arrrg
birdie Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 I think you have built her up in your mind and there are a lot of reasons why you miss her - not all of them are to do with her directly. Bet if you saw her tomorrow you would be disappointed and wonder what the fuss had been about
Lyssa Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 RM2, I'm sorry she's putting you through this confusion and sadness. I would suggest not to see her. Why put yourself in deeper pain and *****e? She's only going to play with you. Do you really want to be second best? You have tried so hard to keep NC with her.. so don't give up on that. I know you're no over her even with NC but you will get there. You will get over her. No one said it's going to be easy to get over someone! Please just don't do it.. I was called up by my ex wanting to see me. Cried over the phone to see me but I ended up saying no because it will only hurt me more and THAT was the best decision I have ever made concerning myself and my ex.
LoisLane Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Stop sounding so pathetic over a girl. She hurt your feelings. Get over it and her. Tell her it's a good thing that her boyfriend is a d**k!! That's what she gets for cutting you off. You deserve better!
Author RocketMan2 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Hi guys thanks for your responses How do you play hard to get? I want to let her know that if shes serious she needs to make the effort and show me. I know you think im stupid for even considering talking to her, so do i, but i think about her every day. do you know how hard that is? she meant everything to me and yeah she just threw me away like i didnt matter but i cant not see what she has to say for herself. Evey day for a year ive prayed that she would come back and now she has i cant just ignore it. I know you might say its for the best because it wouldnt work out, but i cant change the way i feel. I have to hear her out. What should i do? Just ignore her and wait for her to say something else? If i dont reply she might take it the wrong way, and its rude. I feel like saying "well i hope your serious about what you want and are prepared to do a lot of making up and not give up" but obviously im not just gonna come out with that? How can i react in a way that doesnt make me sound like the needy and pathetic person i am, but be strong enough to tell her im not taking any **** but without putting her off?? Argh
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Hey Rocket and fellow brit by the looks of it It sounds like she might just be trying to keep you on as a back up, which is totally not fair or right for you. Just ignore what she has sent, if she keeps up witht he texts saying only contact me when 1) you are in a single position 2) we have alot to discuss before even considering taking things any further Go NC, do not be her back up plan just because she is scared of being single and not with anyone at any given moment. It's hard, I know but you must look after yourself and not worry about her. Take care Rocket X
ninjaturtles Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Dont reply her yet..she only sent you one text...(after a year!) What if she was drunk when she sent it?lol..(dont mean to burst your bubble)...but I think you should wait for at least someother text/form of communication...to see if she is serious. On the other hand...its only you who knows how much you love her...so do what you want to do..xxx
ninjaturtles Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Dont reply her yet..she only sent you one text...(after a year!) What if she was drunk when she sent it?lol..(dont mean to burst your bubble)...but I think you should wait for at least someother text/form of communication...to see if she is serious. On the other hand...its only you who knows how much you love her...so do what you want to do..xxx
Lyssa Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 How do you play hard to get? I want to let her know that if shes serious she needs to make the effort and show me. Whenever she texts you or calls you, ignore her or tell her you're in a middle of something and can't talk etc. I know you think im stupid for even considering talking to her, so do i, but i think about her every day. do you know how hard that is? she meant everything to me and yeah she just threw me away like i didnt matter but i cant not see what she has to say for herself. No, none of us think you're stupid - not me, at least. You're just hung up over someone you love. Trust me, I know how hard that is. Been there, done that - don't wanna go there again! My ex meant everything to me and he threw away something special. My fault? No. My loss? Hell no! It's his loss and someone else's gain! Evey day for a year ive prayed that she would come back and now she has i cant just ignore it. I know you might say its for the best because it wouldnt work out, but i cant change the way i feel. I have to hear her out. What should i do? Okay, since you're probably not going to listen to 'ignore her, don't go meet her' advice.. I suggest you go. Yup. Go ahead and listen to what she has to say. Correct me if I'm wrong, but she texted you after a year? Doesn't that tell you anything? I feel like saying "well i hope your serious about what you want and are prepared to do a lot of making up and not give up" but obviously im not just gonna come out with that? How can i react in a way that doesnt make me sound like the needy and pathetic person i am, but be strong enough to tell her im not taking any **** but without putting her off?? Argh You can tell her for the past few months/years that she left you, you have grown into a different man. You're more mature and see things/relationships differently now and your expectations are higher. You are not willing to put in any effort for any girl who does not share the same expectations. Give that a try. I did and I got myself a great man. Again, it's my ex's loss and another man's gain! Good luck and keep us posted!
thelegend Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 i agree with lyssa i think you should see her. Because you're gonna go anyway regardless of what anybody on here suggests. But more importantly i think you need to really work on your confidence. For a man confidence is everything. Women don't like weak guys. I think you've allowed this situation to control your thinking. Always remember brother you are in controll of you that's the only thing you control in this situation. You've got to quit calling yourself pathetic. You seem to be a spiritual person from what i've read about you praying that she'll return. I think you need to pray for strength and peace of mind. I think you could offer someone else a better man if you really find your inner strength. This lady may not be what you need. But go see her and go from there just my own thoughts.
lovelorcet Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 Just keep in mind that if you act like a doormat you will be treated like one.
funkybassplayer Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 Just keep in mind that if you act like a doormat you will be treated like one. For someone to say that about there boyfriend (hes a dick head) shows a huge lack of respect for other people. What do you think she may have said about you to him? If she was more respectful about him then yes maybe see what she wants, but saying that shows shes pretty up her own arse, and not even worth the price of a text, but you know her better than us.
lexi29 Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I'm in a simliar situation (though my ex was only gone for a month, not a year) Normally I would say no contact is a good idea but obviously you have some very strong feelings for her if you've been apart for a year and still miss her and want her back. I think it probably has a lot to do with the way she left you (just all of a sudden with no real closure) Most people will tell you to just ignore her and continue no contact but in this case it hasn't really worked. I think another reason you miss her so badly is that you've built her up to be this great person, you are thinking she is the love of your life. And the rest of us don't know you or her so only you know how you feel. I would suggest meeting with her and maybe when you actually see her and spend some time with her you will see that she's not as great as you thought she was. (Whenever you cant' have something, it seems like the greatest thing in the word and you can't live without it) Try not to get hung up on getting her back though- she may have realized that she regrets leaving you or she may just be mad at her boyfriend temporarily. But I don't see what it could hurt (anymore than it already has) by seeing her once.
eric82 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I was completely in love with this girl, i've thought about her every day for almost a year (not exeggerating, shes seriously ALWAYS on my mind). Yeah I know the feeling. I still think about the girl I lost a year ago every day, almost constantly, too. But the difference for me is, I can finally admit that I don't want her back anymore and I'd never take her back (especially since she's pregnant by another dude). I still love her and always will. I guess I just miss the memories and how she made me feel. I think that's what you're missing most too. so anyway, i get a text last night from an unknown number (but im 99% sure its her) saying ... "hey were gonna have to meet soon, my bfs a **** n i still like you xxx" The last time i spoke to her was about 2 months ago via her sisters msn account (because ive blocked everything from her, i did strict NC). I was really brief, she was like "hey just wanted to see how you were doing". i was polite and breif and ended it asap. Before that i havent heard from her since......feb? Anyway, what do i do? Can't you see what's going on? She's insulting her current boyfriend to you, just as she probably insulted you to him. This is because the only person she really cares about is herself and how she can use people. If I remember correctly (I was using a different username back then), didn't this girl ask for a friends-with-benefits thing with you immediately after breaking up, even when she knew how devastated you were feeling? I think about her constantly, my lifes hell because i purposely go out my way all the time to avoid seeing her, i dont go places i know she went (even once!). Im so scared about bumping into her because i know id just break down if i saw her. Yes im that pathetic You think about her a lot because you cared a lot. I know what that's like. I also know that from all the stuff you've written about her throughout the past year that you will eventually be better off without her. It's not pathetic to care about someone and admit it, it's pathetic to pretend you don't and to bottle it all up inside. You're just being true to your feelings. It's also not pathetic to avoid someone you were intimate with when feelings are no longer mutual. That's just protecting your heart, knowing your boundaries and respecting yourself. I want her back more than anything, but theres no way at all it could ever work. Yep, it would never work because she is not right for you. Maybe it will take you meeting with her once more to realize this, but I think eventually you'll move on regardless.
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