elizakeller10 Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Hi, Im pretty young (20 almost 21) and Ive never had a boyfriend. Ive had lots of boys in college ask me out, in fact Im made fun of alot for it among my friends. Ive had this immense crush on this guy whom I met through a friend last year. Then, I got to hang out with him alot. He has never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl before, but hes such a nice guy. I know this thread will sound a lot like highschool but I really dont know what to do. Awhile ago, my best friend told this guy that I like him casually in conversation. (Dont worry Im not mad at her) Anyway, his reaction wasnt great, so I gave up. But then I started noticing signs that he might like me: he acted akward around me, I caught him staring at me twice, when he did get in a convo with me he showed interest like asking me if I was doing band next year (we're both in it) and "I heard this was bothering you (from not me i never told him) I hope thats ok now" when I hung out with him he'd initiate convo and say "I never see you anymore" and "we should do this" but he never followed through on it. He also randomly touched me on the shoulders twice, when hes not a touchy feely person and he has never touched me before. Ok i know this is cheap- but one night my crush and I were hanging out with people and we were a bit drunk. (I actually dont think he really was, he does this thing where he has 2 and then "pretends" to be drunk) anyway we flirted, we didnt actually DO anything, we're both virgins not like that. Ive been told he doesnt flirt with girls while drunk even, I think that may have been why our friends there that knew I liked him still encouraged it so much and told me "im pretty sure he likes you back" After I randomly left, he left me 2 voicemails, 1 saying "Hope you got back to your room OK, Ill IM you tomorrow" and he did right away the next morning. He was sober while doing this and hes never done those things before. I was so sure he must have liked me, I didnt expect him to do anything but the next day he noticed me at practice right away. However, immature people there that night pestered him about me afterwards, told him Ive liked him, called him oblivious. (I never told anyone to do that) My pal who is close with him said "He said he doesnt have feelings for you, the pestering didnt help a huge amount." He is not lying- he wanted us to get together, he meddled too and said he was sorry but he had good intentions. My crush never told them about the messages but Ive been told by them "hes just stupid trust me" I wont lie, Im a bit shocked he doesnt like me back. Now the day he found out my friend told me this, at a band competition he was standing near me and I didnt look his way (trying to move on) and I thought he didnt see me but he walked by and said hi randomly so he obviously at least noticed me. later that night when hanging out, when he came in he said "hey everyone" and then "hey" to me. He def. looks at me differently now, I guess its akwardness?? Is he saying hi to be nice/im an ego boost to him? I know im overanalyzing this "hello" thing but I dont see him anymore now bc schools a bitch so I cant really tell.
uniqueone Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 First of all, what are you trying to get out of this? Whether or not he has some interest in you? I think that's what you're still hoping for. I think you need to start meeting lots of people and not focus on this guy but that's besides the point. It could be that he's just being nice to you because he feels bad about what happened--that you got hurt finding out that he didnt like you that way. If that's the case, then at least he's a caring guy....might be a good friend to have. But really there's no telling what he's thinking....we can only surmise. You're best bet is not to pout. Say "hello" in a friendly, confident manner and then quickly move onto your business at hand. And stop apologizing just because you haven't dated. Go out and act just as confident and together as your friends who HAVE dated.
jcster Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 I agree with Uniqueone and think that you should not totally focus on just this one guy - you're young, you're in college, so go out and meet some people! That being said, I do think he's interested - and I do think he's being awkward because he caught a lot of flack from his friends. Why don't you invite him out? You could invite other people too, so he doesn't feel like he's on the spot - it will give you guys a chance to talk. Good luck!
Sean0775 Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Seems like you both have some very pushy friends. Personally, I'd be telling them to back off because they aren't helping, but most of my friends wouldn't even need to be told that since real friends wouldn't be sticking their noses that far in your business OR making fun of you for the lack of dating experience. It certainly looks like there's some chemistry between you and this guy, so by all means don't give up. I'd suggest meeting someplace and talking with just the two of you (maybe a restaurant or coffee shop). Definitely keep the friends out of it at this point as they seem to be more of a problem than anything. I disagree with the whole, "Go out and meet lots of people!" approach, but that's a whole other can of worms and has nothing to do with this thread.
compassion42 Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 I agree with sean's advice. It does sound like there is some chemistry and potential but the "friends" are getting in the way. Continue talking to him if you can and just see what develops-without the interference of anyone else.
Author elizakeller10 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 oh so you dont get the vibe that maybe he just wants to be friends?
uniqueone Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 oh so you dont get the vibe that maybe he just wants to be friends? What vibe do YOU get? Vibes are something that you feel and we can't feel for you. They're something you have to pay attention to and then start trusting. What feeling are you getting?
Author elizakeller10 Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 i got the vibe he liked me, but now Im thinking its wishful thinking considering he hasnt talked to me
uniqueone Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 i got the vibe he liked me, but now Im thinking its wishful thinking considering he hasnt talked to me I don't know how often you two interact with each other when you refer to him not talking to you.
spookie Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I think your highly immature friends are putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on the two of you to figure everything out and proceed with a relationship. That isn't how things work, usually. Usually you spend time, flirt and/or date someone in a relaxed atmosphere before deciding. I suggest you cut your friends out of this and try to spend some time with him by yourself. There's no harm in taking initiate - it does sound like he is at least interested, and he sounds shy and inexperienced. Ask him to hang out one-on-one doing something you both enjoy. You'll be able to tell what he's thinking better from there.
Author elizakeller10 Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 what i meant is I think if he liked me he would try to talk to me a bit more- not even ask me out just talk. but he doesnt other than saying Hi which he does to everyone. I do agree my friends ruined this, however, they've been kind of ignoring me. maybe theyve figured out this whole thing made me a bit mad. And this all happened awhile ago, about a month ago, so I just think its over, if he did even like me hes prob. moved on by now.
uniqueone Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 what i meant is I think if he liked me he would try to talk to me a bit more- not even ask me out just talk. but he doesnt other than saying Hi which he does to everyone. I do agree my friends ruined this, however, they've been kind of ignoring me. maybe theyve figured out this whole thing made me a bit mad. And this all happened awhile ago, about a month ago, so I just think its over, if he did even like me hes prob. moved on by now. So why haven't you? Moved on, that is...... Why have you become so fixated on him? Is it easier to fixate on him then to try to meet others?
Author elizakeller10 Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 I do still like him, hes the biggest crush Ive ever had, but I have started liking other guys too. The only reason I posted this is cause im so inexperienced I dont really trust my own judgment that much.
uniqueone Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I do still like him, hes the biggest crush Ive ever had, but I have started liking other guys too. The only reason I posted this is cause im so inexperienced I dont really trust my own judgment that much. That's why you need to expose yourself to several guys and not concentrate on one.
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