Jinx Posted May 14, 2003 Posted May 14, 2003 i'm a situation which i find completely bizarre, i simply don't get it. recently i had a little affair with a neighbour of mine. We went out for coffee, we went back home for more coffee, and ended up making love passionately. and it was great. afterwards we discussed it some, and decided that both of us prefer to keep it casual, no commitment, fun kind of relationship. so, he said that he has time for fun some three - four days later and we left it at that. and that's where it's been since, so to say. i tried to get a new date, but he kept excusing himself, so now i don't bother. but it bugs me, it bugs me a lot. i don't understand him and i don't understand what the problem is. i know that he isn't seeing anyone (at least seriously) - after all we are neighbours. it seems that he, for some twisted reason, chickened out. i don't know why. We flirted with one another before that fateful night, and he did go through a lot of trouble to get my attention, to take the first step and so on. he's a good-looking guy, so obviously he can get a one-night stand easily and with less consequences. could it be that i'm a couple years older, a successful career woman, while he is struggling to make something of himself? can anyone be that insecure? why would anyone turn down such a perfect agreement? and if the agreement isn't so perfect, why make it in the first place? why bother at all, really? and the worst part is that i wish we could continue, that i do spot him now and then, and sooner or later we are bound to run into one another. and i am too proud and too stubborn to call, or talk or ask. i don't find it too pleasant to crawl after all i've already done to get a second date...
Tony T Posted May 14, 2003 Posted May 14, 2003 YOU WRITE: "We went out for coffee, we went back home for more coffee, and ended up making love passionately. and it was great." If you don't mind me asking, exactly what brand of coffee was this and where can I get some??? If somebody hasn't sat your down before, or if you haven't learned this, relationships of any kind...even friendships with benefits...take time to evolve and grow. There are very few men, unless they are very young, who care to get into a deal where all they have to do is snap their fingers and there is sex. Oh, it's great the first time...but the idea of getting it with little or no effort later on is just not very exciting. Men are hunters and they enjoy the pursuit as much as or more than the kill. Since he is a good looking guy and may gain the favor of many women, he may be in a pattern of doing just that....enjoying one-night stands. My guess is that while he very much enjoyed this encounter the two of you had after that incredible coffee I'm dying to try out for myself, there was little interest in going beyond that. You are simply no longer a challenge or a quest to be conquered. Your post does not indicate that the two of you had much to do with each other prior to that except that you were neighbors so there was little or no emotional bond. While so many women accuse men of just wanting to jump in the pants of everything in a skirt, that simply isn't true. Some may be like that but many want there to be some additional magical elements in place for that kind of thing to continue. If I were you, I would call him and invite him for another cup of coffee. Don't even bring up the previous experience or the casual agreement the two of you made. After your coffee and conversation, invite him to give you a call sometime and excuse yourself to other business. This will establish you as a bit more of a challenge...and the two of you will have had a chance to get to know each other better. If he rejects your offer to get together for coffee, it's not likely you will get much else from this dude. However, I'm sure you'll find lots of takers elsewhere in your travels. Just be sure to bring them to that same coffee shop.
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