Did I chase him off?

[JeanQueen]

So, I'd like a little advice here.

 

Last Saturday night I went out for Halloween with some friends and one of them introduced me to a guy friend of hers. We kind of hit it off (after he accidently broke my costume, hehe) and I offered to drive him home so his friends didn't have to. It was on my way anyways.

 

Well, he invited me in to have a drink and hang out for a while. We ended up fooling around a little and then I went home in the early morning hours. The next day we texted throught the day and then the next. He asked me to come out to a comedy club with him and some friends the next night. So, I met him there and we had another fun night and it was essentailly a repeate of that Saturday. I spent the night (no sex, just fooling around) and the next day we made plans to go out again that night.

 

So, we met up and had some drinks then headed to another place. On the way there he mentioned that he wasn't really interested in a relationship because he was going to be moving to England for a while in a few months and didn't want to get close to someone before he went. I said that was too bad and I wished I would have know that earlier. He said he'd like to just keep hanging out and "see where it goes".

 

Anyway, we got to the bar and hung out with his friends, but I was so tired by this time and had a few drinks, so I wasn't my usualy excited self. Also, I was a little sad about this whole England thing. So, on the way home I think he could tell I wasn't very happy, but he again invited me to come over and sober up before I drove home and offered to rub my feet since they we killing me from my crazy heels.

 

This is where I told him that on top of the fact that I was super tired I didn't think it was such a good idea that we keep carrying on if he wasn't interested in a relationship or I would start to get emotionally attached (I was a little tipsy and tired, after later evaluation I would probably be ok with just having a little fun until he leaves). He again suggested we just try and see where things go and that we didn't have to do anything that night, just hang out. Well, I told him that I would rather go home and get some sleep since I had an exam in the morning and I would talk to him about it later. I think he could tell that I was a little pissed off and I knew he was too so when I got home I texted him and apologised for being kinda bitchy about it. He said he got the impression that I didn't like him very much anymore. I told him that was obviously not true and that I was just tired. He said "OK, I guess I got the wrong idea. Are we still on for tomorrow night?" I said sure and assumed he would call me the next day. Well, he didn't and it's now the day after that.

 

So, here's my question. Was he just into it until I said I wasn't interested in screwing around anymore unless he wanted to be exclusive? I did say we could talk about it later. Does he think I closed the door on him?

 

And, should I try texting/calling him in a couple days to let him know that I would still be interested in getting together? And if so, what should I say?

 

I don't want him to think I've written him off, cuz he was really cute...I wouldn't mind just getting together with him every now and then until he goes, hehe How would I get that across to him?

 

Or, should I inlist my friend that introduced us to let him know that I'm still interested?

 

OK, if you read all that I owe you a million thanks and would love whatever advice you have, unless it's "he's just not that into you".

Or if that all you have then give it to me anyway

[The Joker]

I think you scared him off with the R word and becoming emotionally attached. Considering he's moving to england and was more likely looking for no strings attached sex, or even just to see where it goes without the emotional investment of a relationship pending the drama of a possible LDR.

[JeanQueen]

I appreciate the response.

 

I didn't say anything to him about having a relationship though. I just said I didn't think it was a good idea to continue because I could "eventually" become attached and that I'd have to think about it. I didn't demand that he be my boyfriend immediatly or anything like that.

 

Would that really cause someone to disappear that fast?

 

What could I say to let him know that I'm cool with where it's going now?

[The Joker]

I appreciate the response.

 

I didn't say anything to him about having a relationship though. I just said I didn't think it was a good idea to continue because I could "eventually" become attached and that I'd have to think about it. I didn't demand that he be my boyfriend immediatly or anything like that.

 

Would that really cause someone to disappear that fast?

 

What could I say to let him know that I'm cool with where it's going now?

 

That's the impression i had, he somehow felt the door closed on his expectations which did not meet that of yours. That said, the ball is in his court now when you asked if you were still on. If he cared and was interested there really is no excuse i think why he should not be calling or making some sort of effort. But give it a while longer before you form any concrete conclusions. Something may have happened in his life that has taken his attention for a few days, so give him the benefit of the doubt for now. But of course it's up to you on condoning such behavior and how long it carries on for before you lose interest.

[JeanQueen]

Just to clarify, he's the one who asked me if we were "still on for tomorrow". And I said "yes, what's the plan" And he said the name of the movie we were planning on watching and that was it. I fell asleep and assumed he would call, but hasn't.

[Timberlane]

I don't know what the guy has in store, but you could simplify things and just offer to have unattached sex with him. Otherwise I think it would be kind of sucky to be fooling around with someone so many times without actually doing the deed. Not that I personally would turn down such a thing. I knew a girl that ended up moving to CA that did that sort of thing with me. It was just nice being around her.

 

Well, as you know, sex sure smooths out the bitchiness when tired.

[JeanQueen]

Hmmm, so what should I say?

 

I don't really think I should just text him "OK, let's f*uck then ;)"

 

Though I guess I could, I'm just not really that forward, hehe.

 

What do ya think?

[Timberlane]

Tell him over the phone that:

 

"I'd like to spend the night and not just fool around, get my drift? I can't let you leave like this."

 

I guarantee this will go over well.

[JeanQueen]

Oook, well here's the thing. I have this icky feeling that he won't answer if I actually call him because he might think I'm calling to be like "why didn't you call me, ass?"

 

So, how would you put that in 'text' terms that might strike his fancy?

 

You're being a big help, BTW!

[compassion42]

Give him a call...just to say hey and see if everything's ok. Since he didn't call you like he said he would,it's fine to just call in my opinion.

[JeanQueen]

Yeah, but what about the whole "him not answering" thing. I know this is what guys do (hell, I do it).

 

Should I leave a voice message?

[Timberlane]

Yeah, but what about the whole "him not answering" thing. I know this is what guys do (hell, I do it).

 

Should I leave a voice message?

 

Yes, leave him a message like the one I posted. He'll get in touch when he can. Any non-stupid guy would.

[JeanQueen]

Ok, last thing.

 

Should I wait a couple days? If so, how many?

 

God, I'm such a nerd

[The Joker]

Yeah, but what about the whole "him not answering" thing. I know this is what guys do (hell, I do it).

 

Should I leave a voice message?

 

How quickly do you want a reply!? He probably wont answer the phone call sure, but a well placed Sext message will definitely guarantee you a return call pretty damn fast.

[JeanQueen]

Maybe I'll wait until tomorrow, then the text you suggested?

[Timberlane]

Maybe I'll wait until tomorrow, then the text you suggested?

 

No, right now is a good time. Can you just cut and paste what I typed?

 

Seriously, now that you are thinking about it is a good time. Tomorrow you might chicken out.

[JeanQueen]

Ok, you're right. Maybe I'll do it now Oh jeez I'm kinda nervous.

[Timberlane]

He's going to like reading that. Make sure you add "hint..hint" just in case he doesn't possess good reading comprehension.

[JeanQueen]

Yeah, I kinda thought about that one as I was typing it. You really think I should say "hint hint" or "wink wink" after it?

 

I think I will die if he doesn't answer me

[StaringContest]

"I'd like to spend the night and not just fool around, get my drift? I can't let you leave like this."

 

I don't know if that's good wording. I can see how someone might interpret it to mean you want to take a chance and start a relationship before he goes, mostly the "I can't let you leave like this" part.

 

How about. "I'd like to spend the night and not just fool around. We could have a lot of fun before you leave. Get my drift?"

[JeanQueen]

OK, what do you think of

 

"So, if you're still interested, I'd like to hang out with you again some night. And not just to fall asleep, if you get my drift ;)"

 

I think it might get the point across.

[Timberlane]

Yeah, I kinda thought about that one as I was typing it. You really think I should say "hint hint" or "wink wink" after it?

 

I think I will die if he doesn't answer me

 

Look here girlie, don't you fret if he doesn't answer right away. He fooled around with you twice, right? Well, he's interested, otherwise it would have only been once while he was drunk. If he was conscious and then did it again, well, you are in.

[Timberlane]

OK, what do you think of

 

"So, if you're still interested, I'd like to hang out with you again some night. And not just to fall asleep, if you get my drift ;)"

 

I think it might get the point across.

 

Excellent! A much better rewrite.

 

Now send it off and laugh your evil laugh.

[JeanQueen]

OK, here it goes.

 

::Crosses fingers::

[JeanQueen]

Muahahahaha!

 

~That'd be the evil laugh.