Pregnant and betrayed...

[Worthy of Love]

Found out about emotional infidelity at eight weeks pregnant. Managed through my morning sick, tired, first trimester. Feeling so grateful to have been able to hold onto the pregnancy despite going through the hardest six weeks of my life. Our bodies are amazing...not sure how they get through what we put them through. No sleep, no eat, no peace. Still life grows.

 

But I am emotionally distraught, and trying to find some peace and an emotional center with which to carry me through the rest of this pregnancy.

 

Anybody out there work through infidelity while pregnant? I need advice. I feel like it makes the betrayal all the more horrific. I just can't imagine doing that to a person when they are truly at their most vulnerable.

 

He is the man I have adored for 20 years. He is 36.

 

His object of interest is a girl he met at a cell phone store. She is 23.

 

I am a devastated woman, wife, and mother.

 

Help...I feel so lost.

[outofdarkness]

Found out about emotional infidelity at eight weeks pregnant. Managed through my morning sick, tired, first trimester. Feeling so grateful to have been able to hold onto the pregnancy despite going through the hardest six weeks of my life. Our bodies are amazing...not sure how they get through what we put them through. No sleep, no eat, no peace. Still life grows.

 

But I am emotionally distraught, and trying to find some peace and an emotional center with which to carry me through the rest of this pregnancy.

 

Anybody out there work through infidelity while pregnant? I need advice. I feel like it makes the betrayal all the more horrific. I just can't imagine doing that to a person when they are truly at their most vulnerable.

 

He is the man I have adored for 20 years. He is 36.

 

His object of interest is a girl he met at a cell phone store. She is 23.

 

I am a devastated woman, wife, and mother.

 

Help...I feel so lost.

OMG..I am sure going to be praying for you. Does he have any remorse? Has he admitted to anything? More info would be helpful...

[abeliever]

I just came in from shopping and saw your post. I am so sorry to hear of your betrayal. There is not a lot of advice one can give while going thru this. Just know it is a long process and YES YOU can get thru it even pregnant! By the grace of God just know this life was made from love and you will be fine and so will your child.

 

Have you confronted him about the A? What is his reaction? What does he want to do? Is he willing to give up OW (other woman)??? Look its the hardest thing to go thru but you will survive. We are women and we are built to be strong. So take a deep breath each time the anxiety comes up and just say this too shall pass. Cry- it really helps and break something if you must but know the moment does pass and you then become more focused. Get proof all that you can get money saved and put up that no one knows of. Get a friend or a family member to confide in as this will be too much at times to handle. But you WILL survive. This child will make a lot of things clearer, that is why they are such a gift.

 

I am pulling for you here. Wow, I know the hurt and hopefully this A is something H will soon realize is a mistake and he will get IC and maybe MC and get to the real matter of why he is pulling this and now with a baby on the way.

 

Best of luck.

abeliever

[sillygirl32]

Hi there. I am so sorry to hear of your situation. Unfortunately, you are not alone for my situation was very similar. I found out about my H's affair when I was 13 weeks pregnant with our second child. My H had no remorse, blamed me for everything, did not want to discuss anything with me, did not want to go to counseling, and did not want to end contact with the OW. I felt that I had no choice but to file for divorce. The bad news is that it has felt like I was and still feel sometimes as if I am going through h*ll. It is now 8 months later and I am blessed with a beautiful healthy baby. I will be honest with you that during the entire pregnancy, I cried every single day - sometimes many times a day. But, it really does get better. The good news is that I have found myself again and really love who I am and know that I am a wonderful mom who can focus on loving my beautiful children. I stopped crying about 4 weeks ago when I realized that although there may have been issues within our marriage that H could have come to me to work on them, but his A was completely his fault. I don't look too much into the future, but rather focus on today. It has also helped me to focus on only the items that are in my control (i.e. my behavior, my decisions, etc...). It still is very hard, but I know that ultimately I will be okay.

 

Please feel free to ask me any questions. I would be happy to answer. I am not sure all of the details surrounding your situation, but feel free to take a look at my story and see if it helps..... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t133143/

[Worthy of Love]

Silly Girl -- Read your string and it made my stomach turn and my heart sink. I think about leaving a lot, but your string makes it so clear that I shouldn't think it will ease the pain. I'm so sorry to hear your story, but I am encouraged by your strength.

 

Right now I'm committed to working on things. We're both in individual counseling and couples counseling. I scheduled this three days after finding out about the affair, and he has gone to every appointment dutifully.

 

Our situations are very similar in many ways, but there are some differences. My H promised to immediately end contact with the OW, let me read the messages he wrote her about his wife and family to end it (he had lied and the girl thought he was single), let me read her responses (which were calm and respectful, surprisingly), and I have found no evidence that there has been contact since then -- and I look everyday. I think it helps that although the "relationship" was full of inappropriate behavior, all signs indicate there was no sex (both my H and the girl swear it), and frankly, the girl didn't seem too into him. I read every email they exchanged from their first meeting, and it felt like a guy coming on to a girl and the girl trying to gently let him down. Obviously this may have helped make the break easier. In other words, she wasn't in love with him.

 

Once he got past the first two defiant, crazy days, he has consistently sworn his love for and commitment to our family. I'm skeptical...I'm not biting hook line and sinker...but at least he's trying. And so far, with few exceptions, his actions have matched his words for the last six difficult weeks. So, as angry as I am at him, I have to give him credit for this. Things like accounting for his every move, making his phone and computer an open book to me (I think it's a good sign that he leaves his phone by the bed when he wakes up first thing in the morning to work out -- I can not only look at everything, but it seems to indicate that he has no worries about something coming in overnight or else he'd look at it before he slipped on his socks to go run -- this brings me some comfort), coming home for dinner every night, showing up and engaging in individual and couples therapy, and being patient and loving towards me through my dark, quiet, angry spells. I'm not trying to make him a saint, believe me, I'm angry as hell. But he's putting in effort, and I have to give a nod to that. I'll certainly take it over your H basically shrugging off your pain. Reading your string made me grateful that my H is at least trying.

 

How did you handle the grieving in front of your two year old? We have a three year old, and while putting her to bed tonight, I broke down in tears. She is clearly confused and upset by it. I try so, so hard to be strong in front of her. But at the end of a long hard day, tired, and pregnant, sometimes the tears just fall. Did you try to explain anything to your older child, or did you just let the tears and sadness speak for themselves. So far, I have just told her that mommy feels sad...but at some point, it can't be good for her to see so many tears fall from mommy's eyes. This alone makes me so angry at my H.

 

I can't imagine having my betrayer trying to take my kids from me. I know my emotions have been so intense in the last six weeks, and I'm not even near where you are (custody battle, single mother, etc.). I just can't imagine if after everything my H told me he was leaving me for HER and, oh yeah, he'd like to bring our children along. Honestly, I would need to be restrained. I just can't imagine. My heart goes to you.

[Curmudgeon]

Please don't let your imagination or others' situations run wild through your mind. Yes. What he did was unfortunate and thoughtless. However, he's trying to attone, it didn't become physical and is probably something that can be forgiven over time.

 

You have one child and another on the way. They deserve a strong and happy mother. You have the ability to be both unless you wish to wallow in this and your sadness.

 

Being prenant you're probably also very emotionally vulnerable right now. However, your situation is a LONG way from a divorce and custody battle. Please don't get ahead of yourself or the real issue.

 

It sounds to me as if after being wrong, he's now doing everything right. Don't push him away by being unforgiving and dwelling on something he can't go back and change.

[Worthy of Love]

Curmudegeon, I appreciate your post, because sometimes I think no one has the courage to tell me I need to soften up. I mean, how long can this guy keep coming in the back door trying, trying, trying with me glaring, angry, and distant -- before he says enough? I worry about that.

 

But I'm still hurt and angry. To act otherwise right now would be just that, acting. But I recognize I can't live the rest of my life hurt and angry. I have to find a path around this...or through this. If I want to be married to this man...who is trying very hard to do what he can to make up for something he can't take back...I've got to find a way to forgive. And I appreciate you pointing this out.

 

But on my worst days, I feel like I can't forgive. I hope this goes with time. But my worst moments are thinking, what if I can't forgive him for this hurt? What if I can't forgive him for doing this to my last pregnancy? What if?

[Curmudgeon]

I mean, how long can this guy keep coming in the back door trying, trying, trying with me glaring, angry, and distant -- before he says enough? I worry about that.

 

That is what I put up with from the ex for about a year and it had nothing to do with infidelity on my part, just a general malaise where I and our relationship/marriage was concerned after 25 years.

 

She found a boyfriend and left. She filed for legal separation. I counter-filed for divorce. I quickly decided that I didn't want her back, more for her overall attitude than for her, at the time, emotional affair.

 

Please don't over-play your hand. Some couples counseling might be in order. If your husband is anything like me he'll bend over backwards to make it work but at some point will say that enough is enough and move on with his life without you. After all, would you walk through the door day-after-day knowing you were entering a hostile and unpleasant environment? Soldiers do it because they have to. Husbands don't!

[Martin_Chuzzlewit]

Worthy of Love, I have just read your post. Bore I respond, however, tell me what you mean by "emotional infedelity". What has your husband done exactly?

 

Martin

[Worthy of Love]

Specifics: In Feb 07 he met a 23 year old girl at a store. She was the sales clerk. They exchanged a combination of business and personal emails intermittently over the summer of 07. There were breaks of several weeks in between, and the personal was just telling each other about their lives. The emails are pretty clear they weren't seeing each other or talking outside of the emails, although my husband invited her up on our boat many times. She never went. I know this because one of her last emails said how she regretted never getting up on the lake with him. It seemed a casual email acquaintance. Although my husband's emails to her would say flirtatious things like, "Hey babe," that was the extent of it at that point.

 

Then, in fall 2007, he invited her to go with his company to an industry expo across the country, along with two other 23 year olds. It's a subculture sports industry, and the expos are riddled with girls in bikinis. My husband called it a marketing approach -- to create the illusion of "hot groupies" around their company. She and the other two 23 year ol girls accepted the invitation -- heck, free travel and drinks and four days or partying, right? They rented a huge suite, there was tons of drinking, there was a dildo that they supposedly brought as a joke, but at one point the girls (drunk) were swinging it around and writhing on some of the men at the party. There were pictures and video, which I found, so I know a lot of the details though I wasn't there. They all slept in the suite together -- all crashed -- the whole lot of them. H admitted to sleeping next to her each night, but he said there was always a third person in the small bed, and it was just crashing. Said there were at least 10 people in the suite just crashing every night at the end of the partying. That nothing went on with them or anyone else. It was a drunk crash. The girl confirmed this.

 

Important note: I asked my husband many times who was going to the expo, and he lied many times over. I knew about the suite party, but I knew nothing about the girls they were flying there with them. And I knew nothing about this particular girl who was his personal acquaintance.

 

When he returned home, their text message and email flirtation definitely intensified. All messages began "Hey babe" and were signed "I love ya" and there were lots of comments about how beautiful he thought she was and how he wished he could have gotten that good night hug she promised him but never got because they were all so hammered. This lasted the entire week...many, many messages a day, back and forth. That lasted one week because at the end of that strange week (him working out twice a day, being oddly secretive about his incoming messages, texting all night, etc.) I picked up his cell phone while he was showering (for the first time in the 20 years I've been with him -- I've never "spied" on him in anyway), and it was filled with her name (a name that I had never seen up until then).

 

He came clean about some of the stuff, but of course details have unfolded over time. He lied for a week about taking his wedding ring off and finally admitted that yes, he removed his wedding ring for the duration of their time together. He said he was single, lied about where he lived, didn't mention his child or the one on the way. Essentially he was pursuing her. He was flirting and creating the illusion of being available...his emails to her were also riddled with lies. His approach was definitely wooing her with power and money. He's a handsome, young look guy, so she probably didn't know how old he was. But he was definitely trying to impress her with stories of money, travel, and power.

 

I have since spoke to the girl, and she confirms what he says in terms of the happenings at the expo and nothing happening physically. She had no idea he was married, she seemed genuinely upset about it, and I haven't seen any signs that she's pursued him since learning everything. Frankly, most of their exchanges looked like him pursuing her and her trying to be polite. But she reciprocated...I mean, 10 or so text or email exchanges a day...she wasn't trying to turn him away either. It's hard to know the truth, of course.

 

Lastly, the thing that cut the deepest is this. One day after finding the messages and him telling me part of the story, I was taking it fairly well at this point, and I asked him to just write her and tell her that he's married and get the truth out there with her. I was probably in a state of shock and crazily naive at this point, but I just wanted him to tell the truth. He did as I asked, told her he was married via email and forwarded it to me. And I felt satisfied both with what he wrote and her response...it seemed to confirm nothing much was going on. However, I discovered he edited the message he forwarded to me. The real message he sent her began "Hey Babe" and said "I must tell you that I have a soft spot in my heart for beautiful brunettes like yourself and I wish I could've gotten that goodnight hug you promised me" and "I still love ya." Of course, he took all that out so it looked like a clean message that says I'm happily married...when, in fact, taken in context with everything else...that message really said, "I'm married, but just to be clear, I would LOVE to be with YOU." I was devastated because I felt like at this point, he knew exactly was at stake. I had made it clear. I was devastated. I considered it marriage breaking. And I felt the decision to continue lying and continue pursing her while trying to put my worries to rest -- I just think it's dirty and makes me feel like he felt the possibility of being with her was worth the risk at that point.

 

That's the jist of it.

[Worthy of Love]

A few additional thoughts: I have moments where I feel like his trangressions are fairly benign. Like...hey, he flirted with a beautiful 23 year old...what guy hasn't? He certainly could have slept with her 20 times over while they were across the country and he didn't...shouldn't he get some credit for this.

 

But other times it's just the broken trust. Sex or no sex...doesn't matter. He lied, broke my trust, and was pursuing her like a hungry college boy.

 

And being pregnant doesn't help my ability to be objective and logical. I'm just so angry he could bring this into our lives at this time.

[LoisLane]

He broke your trust so that's that! He is selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings, you his wife! What was he thinking?? Oh wait... I guess he wasn't thinking!

[Worthy of Love]

More after thoughts: Or maybe his plan WAS to have sex with her 20 times but she just wasn't into him or maybe she isn't as slutty as a decision to travel cross country with a man you don't know makes you look. Who knows? Maybe I'm giving him credit for not doing something that he didn't have the opportunity to do anyways. Maybe he's using that to demonstrate integrity -- see, I didn't sleep with her -- when in fact he's still lamenting that he couldn't sleep with her.

 

See the questions continue.

[Worthy of Love]

For what it's worth, the girl said he didn't try to make a move on her. She said "it just wasn't like that." She said it was partying and having fun and crashing -- but no one was trying to get on anyone else. Who knows? My husband is no casanova...it doesn't mean that he didn't try to create a scenario where it could happen and was just going with the flow. I don't think the fact that he didn't means he didn't intend to. I don't know...just more obsessing. One of the gifts of infidelity...obsession all wrapped up in a bow.

[Tripper]

A few additional thoughts: I have moments where I feel like his trangressions are fairly benign. Like...hey, he flirted with a beautiful 23 year old...what guy hasn't? He certainly could have slept with her 20 times over while they were across the country and he didn't...shouldn't he get some credit for this.

 

But other times it's just the broken trust. Sex or no sex...doesn't matter. He lied, broke my trust, and was pursuing her like a hungry college boy.

 

And being pregnant doesn't help my ability to be objective and logical. I'm just so angry he could bring this into our lives at this time.

 

Hello Worthy of Love. I've followed both your threads and posts and my heart goes out to you. In some ways the emotional betrayal and broken trust are actually more painful than physical act of betrayal.

You can't help yourself for how you feel. But you can help how you act. When I read your initial post all I could think of was his arrogance in feeling it was no big deal. As I follow your thread and subsequent posts he seems to be truly remorseful, genuinely trying and perhaps, has learned a painful lesson. That is he has faced losing you and all that you have build togther over 20 years.

Whether you can "cut him some slack" or not is up to you. You do need to live the pain then let it go and heal. You will do this in your own time and therapy will help.

He acted immaturely and without thought to ramifications; with out integrity or the substance that makes one a man. Heck of a learning curve for him. Time will tell. If you can survive this and if he genuinely changes you will probably have a stronger marriage. Unfortunately you have to live in the here and now.

Going forward you need to make him understand that if he should ever do anything like this again, you and your children are history. Painful as it seems to think of that unless he fully understands you will never tolerate such irresponsibility you will leave and he will lose everything.

 

My heart goes out to you and your children. Perhaps you can find it in your heart to forgive him. We are all fraught with human frailty but we can learn and change from our mistakes. Good Luck!

[MrsHellnoFire]

How new is this company and the circumstances he is putting himself in??

Sounds like a life of a rock star, not some ceo (ok, maybe i did here of this stuff with ceos before)... only time before any rock star caves into the temptation. He continually puts himself in the situation and how long do you think his will power will be to stop himself?? He loves the ego stroking and to further achieve that same "high" he receives, he will have to go small steps farther in the forbidden zone. I wouldn't trust this one bit. He sounds addicted to this company and young women. As long as he continues subjecting himself to this lifestyle and business (which he apparently craves), the more he will realize how much he enjoys that single young life and push you aside.

He's deceiving you. He's trying to brush your worries aside while remaining in an inappropriate relationship with her as seen from the text messages and covering up the true content.

And so what if this one lady learns he is married with kids? From what you have said, there are many more young ladies where that one came from and he knows that too. So it really doesn't matter how many women you warn or enlighten when his behavior remains the same.

[Worthy of Love]

MrsHellnoFire: It's a new company. It's not making us any money, but they "invest" money in the industry expos to create an appearance that they're up and coming and...well, cool. This is how my husband puts it. But the company can't even pay our phone bill. I am currently working full-time to pay the bulk of our bills while my husband pursues his dream, which is this company. So this adds to the fire, of course. Feeling like my love, trust, and support have all been used against me to build a company that is a safehaven for grown men to act like little boys and call it business. It's very complicated. Financially, it's not an option to bow out right now. We would just have to declare bankruptcy. And I don't want to do that. So I'm trying to weigh my options in terms of continuing to support this business. He's a very successful entrepreneur many times over. He's built four very successful companies, so he's not a complete schmuck, but this is the first one in the sport industry and it's a whole new ballpark...whole new community...whole new deal.

[Tripper]

Feeling like my love, trust, and support have all been used against me to build a company that is a safehaven for grown men to act like little boys and call it business.

 

Sometimes I'm ashamed to be a member of the male gender. Like Robin Williams said "God gave men two heads but only enough blood to run one at a time"

[4whatItsWorth]

However, I discovered he edited the message he forwarded to me. The real message he sent her began "Hey Babe" and said "I must tell you that I have a soft spot in my heart for beautiful brunettes like yourself and I wish I could've gotten that goodnight hug you promised me" and "I still love ya."

 

This stood out to me in two ways. One, that he edited the email and pretended he sent her a plain one. RED FLAG #1.

Two, he did say "Ya" on the "I love"...that is how my ex used to write after he still had a soft spot for me but no longer loved me. (I.e. at least he didn't really love her.)

 

I can understand you want to forgive him, and he certainly seems to want to redeem himself...however, out of own experience, trying once will try twice. I don't know if you can ever trust he won't do it again. He could find other ways, without emails you can access and phones you cannot reach. (I am not saying he will, just saying the possibility exists.)

 

The question remains, if she'd been open for sex, and if you'd not discovered him...how far would it have gone?

[Worthy of Love]

4WhatItsWorth: He also pointed out the "ya" -- saying that this distinguishes it as playful, not emotional. Because of course I was hurt to see the word love in there at all.

 

As for your closing question, this isn't a question to me at all. He swears he had no intentions of turning this into a physical affair and that he was already trying to shut it down, but just wanted to be friendly and nice.

 

I don't buy it, not for a second. I feel 100% confident that he was pursuing her physically...that he was lured by the possibility of it becoming more than flirtation...that he hoped it would. If she were willing, and that is something I'll probably never know, but if she were willing, I think it was a few weeks away from turning into a full-blown affair if I hadn't found the messages. Those were messages of pursuit. Period. He was trying to woo her, make his "old" self appear attractive to her "young" loveliness...why else would he create a lengthy message that was supposedly intended for his personal assistant that he "accidentally" sends to her, to (a) prompt additional contact with her out of the blue and (b) create a facade of money and power. The message was about how he was traveling on business and needed his assistant to find him a tailor as he had forgotten his business suit (hilarious) and how he needed her to make arrangements for various dinners and lunches while he was traveling. This was completely fictitious. He was on a short business trip and he doesn't have a private assistant and he sure as heck doesn't use a tailor, and I packed his bags for him, so I know he had his suit.

 

Anyhow, he was pursuing her. So I know the answer to your final question. He was pursuing a physical relationship with her. Despite his denials, I know it in my bones. I don't have any questions about it. I feel confident I know his intentions in this matter.

[Martin_Chuzzlewit]

I'm glad I asked you that question, Worthy.

 

A lot of the replies seem to been made by the fairer sex and whilst not being able to speak for my gender perhaps a response from a man can help in some way.

 

Firstly, the most important thing in my relationship is trust. I strayed away but I told my wife the moment it happened. Friends at the time told me that I was mad and that I should have kept it hidden and whilst it nearly broke my marriage I'm glad I came clean because at least my wife knows that I'll always tell her the truth - even when she didn't suspect anything.

 

Most men in their late thirties / forties will take the bait when we are surrounded by attractive women and, as macho as I might sound, it can be difficult for a man not to want to play when he wants to prove that he's still attractive around that age.

 

All in all, what I'm trying to say is that we all have weaknesses and whilst temptation cannot be condoned: sleeping with someone is one thing, lying to your partner and continuing it later is very stupid.

 

If I'm going to continue to generalise, I'll say that it's rarely the man that makes the first move. Experience tells me that men move when they get some signal from a woman and so this woman doen't sound so clean as you make her out to be, quite honestly.

 

Where does this put your relationship? When I had my fling, I really did act like a schoolboy and it can take some time to come back to reality. It happended though when my wife said that she'd leave me. She didn't thank God. Don't make idle threats and what you say you must be prepared to see through. Some people can stay in relationships where their partners lie to them (almost by tacit agreement) but you're not one of them.

 

My advice is, start to get over the problem, get friends to rally around you. Wait a day or so if you can. Then tell him what you want from the relationship and that should he do any of the things that hurt you in such a way again then leave him.

 

Give him a chance. Give him time to think and see it through. He can't change over night but a week or so should be enough. I hate to say it but I doubt that it's the first time and he has probably slept with her. If I wrote those things to a girl it would mean one thing.

 

Perhaps you can learn to accept his flings although I very much doubt it. I say this because in my own marriage we've met half way. I continue to be honest and my wife and she accepts that I may one day be tempted again but we both agree that the worst type of infidelity is on the emotional level - with lies and loving someone else. Others might criticise me for saying it, but a man can have sex quite easily with another woman where no love is concerned and still love his wife. I can't believe that your husband loves this woman. I'd bet that he's just loved a bit on the side.

 

Advice: Time to cool down and to get support around you. Don't look weak as though you couldn't see anything through. Give him a REALISTIC Ultimatum. Forgive this ONE time. Wait a short period. BUT THEN NO SECOND CHANCES ON TRUST.

 

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

 

 

Martin

[sillygirl32]

Worthy, I did not post with intention to frighten or upset you. I simply was pregnant at the time that all of these similar things happened. To answer your question about what to tell your 3yr old - I broke down many times in front of my 2yr old and I would just tell her that it was okay to cry and that mommy's sometimes need to cry too.

 

I have read further posts and have to completely agree wiith Martin. If my H was truly sorry and wanted to work on the marriage - meaning his words equaled his actions, then I would have forgiven him and worked on fixing what brought us there in the first place. It seems as though your H feels remorse and realizes the pain that he has caused you and wants to make your M work. Basically - I did exactly what Martin indicated in his post above. I was more so in the situation where I told my H of the pain and what I wanted out of our relationship, including NC with the OW and I gave him an ultimatum (the A or our M). H did not want to discuss anything and never verbally indicated that he wanted a divorce, but his actions proved that none-the-less. I had to proceed with the filing as I didn't want to bluff and for him to continue on with the A or for me or my children to have to think that the A was okay.

 

What I really wanted to convey to you was that no matter what happens, you and your children will be okay. I think that you have a good head on your shoulders and it will just take time to heal and work things out with your H. No matter what happens, it will be a hard road ahead, but you seem like you know what you want and are willing to work hard to see things though. I commend you for it.

 

I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

[Worthy of Love]

Martin: I do appreciate the male perspective. It helps me that you see it as inappropriate, indefensible behavior. My H seems to think every guy on the planet would have done the same and worse in his position -- says things like my expectations of a male partner are pie in the sky (apparently because I would like a man who doesn't lie...?). Anyhow, I'm glad to hear that you see this as a solid betrayal. Sex or no sex. Two weeks or two months.

 

I appreciate the advice too. I agree -- no empty promises from me. I need to say what I mean; mean what I say. No more chances means I need to be prepared for the reality that I may be on my own in the near future. I may have a baby on my own. I may be a single mother. It's hard to swallow, but I realize that I need to be prepared for that if I don't want lies and infidelity in my life. So I am watching closely, and making practical plans for that possibility. But I am also going to work hard and see if he is sincere. I don't want to be so skeptical I can't accept the possibility that he may actually be genuine...this may be a true wake up call for him...he may be committed to being a better person.

 

Anyhow, the limbo is excruciating. But I am willing to accept it...no choice really, unless I'm willing to leave now, and I'm not. So I need to accept the limbo for now and try my best to cope healthily.

[Worthy of Love]

Silly -- No, your post didn't frighten me. I appreciated it. Of course it upset me, it always upsets me when people are hurting one another. But it was good for me to think through the logical conclusions of some of the choices that may be ahead of me. I appreciated what you had to say, and I'm just adding it to the million things rolling around in my head that I have to sort through right now.

[infamouslastwords]

ok so your letter makes me so sad ..how dare your husband be so completely selfish to you and your little girl and your unborn child. it s pure selfishness i hope he open his eyes and realizes that your RELATIONSHIP and Children

are so not worth flushing down the toilet for a bootycall.

 

i hope this doesnt sound trite or stupid,but i read this book heartburn when i was going through a really bad relationship/breakup

it was about a 30 something year old pregnant jewish cookbook/writer /comedian from the bronx who finds out her husband whom she loves is cheating on her and she cant do anything about it because he is in love...

its not a trashy romance novel its just good...and there are recipes in it it reads like sex in the city if miranda and charlotte were subbing for carrie on sex and the city

i am praying for you in ohio

 

sincerely,

moriah