wtfamidoing Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I am a 42 year old male, married for 25 years. I recently ran into an old friend (female, also married 25 years) who I hadn't seen since we had a crush on one another as teens. We talked for awhile and exchanged contact info. I emailed her at work about a month later to tell her it was nice to see her again, and she responded with a "lets be sure to keep in touch" and "make sure you keep in touch." We emailed a few more times over the next month or so, and our messages were typically friendly but short. At one point, I asked about some mutual freinds I'd lost touch with and she suggested I come to her upcoming class reunion to catch up with them in person. I told her "though I'd like to go, I have another commitment." She responded with "That's too bad you can't make it. I was looking forward to seeing you. Let's try to get together sometime." We emailed back and forth a few times, (again, initiate by me), and I mentioned that I was going to be in her area soon. We decided to get together at that time, and she asked if I'd rather go out for a drink or come to her house for dinner (and I'm not sure if her husband would have been there - I'd say there was a 50/50 chance.). I opted for the drink. We were out until around 10pm, had a really great time, and both emphatically agreed we would do it again. The next morning, I got an email from her (the first one she ever initiated) saying "It was great to see you!!" (note the two exclamation marks). A few weeks later I tried to set up a lunch with her, but she said it would work better for her if we could go out for a drink after work instead. About a month later, I was in town again, and we arranged to go out after work again. We spoke on the phone that afternoon and she asked if I'd like to come to her house, or meet somewhere for a drink (I'm certain either her husband or one of her kids would have been there at that time). I opted for going out for a few hours again. During the course of the evening, she said that she'd invited her husband to come along, but he didn't want to come (why is he not the least bit concerned about her going out with another man?). Anyway, we had a really nice time, and we both emphatically agreed we would get together yet again. A few more tidbits to give you the full picture... In general, I remember her as being a very nice and straightforward person. We had been emailing back and forth through all of this, and at some point some minor flirting entered into the picture. I would say we're both attractive, intelligent with similar personalities, sense of humor, etc. Each of the two times we've met, she's said a few negative things about her husband, including "I wish I wouldn't have gotten married so young." I took that to mean that if she had it to do over again, she would not have married him. I can't figure out if she just wants to be friends, or if she wants to be more than friends. I'm way out of practice, but it seems to me everything points to "more than friends" except for the invite to her house and the "I asked **** to come along," but he didn't want to - those really throw me. Your thoughts?
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Go back and read your thread in the infidelity section, you've had many replies on there. Posting your situation too many times isn't going to get you the help you need.
nadiaj2727 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 She is definitely trying to iniatiate more than a friendship. She is also trying to see what kind of relationship you're open to, by giving you the option of chosing to come to her house where her family might be, or to go out just the two of you. She is trying to say she is a nice person by mentioning she invited her husband (if that's even true) and then she is trying to say she's open to an affair by mentioning that she never should have gotten married. You seem to be willingly open to the idea of an affair with this woman. I'm not trying to sound harsh but I think you should take a step back and look at your priorities before you take any actions. If you are open to an affair then maybe you should dissolve your wedding vowels first before pursuing someone new. If you try to have the best of both worlds, it will only bring pain to everyone involved, including yourself. Then again she is married too, so it's probably not worth breaking up your own marriage to be with her. I think your only option is to just STOP while you're ahead. This girl is sending heavy signals that she is open to an affair with you. If you are going to continue to contact her anymore (especially if you iniatiate it), you need to realize that that means you are willing to purposefully cheat on your wife and on this woman's husband. Is that what you want? I know it's hard to resist temptation and the fantasy sounds nice, but I would recommend that instead of thinking about/ talking to her, you sit down and have a discussion with yourself about what you want for your future. That will save you a lot of heartache and turmoil in the longrun. Good luck. ~Nadia
outofdarkness Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I am a 42 year old male, married for 25 years. I recently ran into an old friend (female, also married 25 years) who I hadn't seen since we had a crush on one another as teens. We talked for awhile and exchanged contact info. I emailed her at work about a month later to tell her it was nice to see her again, and she responded with a "lets be sure to keep in touch" and "make sure you keep in touch." We emailed a few more times over the next month or so, and our messages were typically friendly but short. At one point, I asked about some mutual freinds I'd lost touch with and she suggested I come to her upcoming class reunion to catch up with them in person. I told her "though I'd like to go, I have another commitment." She responded with "That's too bad you can't make it. I was looking forward to seeing you. Let's try to get together sometime." We emailed back and forth a few times, (again, initiate by me), and I mentioned that I was going to be in her area soon. We decided to get together at that time, and she asked if I'd rather go out for a drink or come to her house for dinner (and I'm not sure if her husband would have been there - I'd say there was a 50/50 chance.). I opted for the drink. We were out until around 10pm, had a really great time, and both emphatically agreed we would do it again. The next morning, I got an email from her (the first one she ever initiated) saying "It was great to see you!!" (note the two exclamation marks). A few weeks later I tried to set up a lunch with her, but she said it would work better for her if we could go out for a drink after work instead. About a month later, I was in town again, and we arranged to go out after work again. We spoke on the phone that afternoon and she asked if I'd like to come to her house, or meet somewhere for a drink (I'm certain either her husband or one of her kids would have been there at that time). I opted for going out for a few hours again. During the course of the evening, she said that she'd invited her husband to come along, but he didn't want to come (why is he not the least bit concerned about her going out with another man?). Anyway, we had a really nice time, and we both emphatically agreed we would get together yet again. A few more tidbits to give you the full picture... In general, I remember her as being a very nice and straightforward person. We had been emailing back and forth through all of this, and at some point some minor flirting entered into the picture. I would say we're both attractive, intelligent with similar personalities, sense of humor, etc. Each of the two times we've met, she's said a few negative things about her husband, including "I wish I wouldn't have gotten married so young." I took that to mean that if she had it to do over again, she would not have married him. I can't figure out if she just wants to be friends, or if she wants to be more than friends. I'm way out of practice, but it seems to me everything points to "more than friends" except for the invite to her house and the "I asked **** to come along," but he didn't want to - those really throw me. Your thoughts? And you're not supposed to double post. I got red flagged for that one time. You are MARRIED..25 years!! Your first line says it all. You are "flirting" w/ disaster.
quankanne Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 my take on it? You're both revisiting and reliving a time and a place where things look much greener from this perspective ... i.e., playing along with a fantasy, rather than just enjoying the fact that you've reconnected with an old high school classmate. because when someone starts in with how they maybe should have done things differently, they're keying you into the fact that they're not happy about something in their life now and that *this* is the little fantasy they're living for. Time to nip this in the bud, buddy, because you're just furthering this "what if" scenario and not being rooted in reality. because if this were based in reality, you'd both be insisting to bring your spouses along so they could enjoy your reunion as well, you know?
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