Precious210 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Hi, I have been married for 2 years, and my husband walked out and left me with all the bills. Throughout our relationship, we have argued all the time, and the police even got involved. I just started law school, and he's not in school, but is working. He left on our two yr. anniversary because he said I always acted like I didn't want to be married. He would always curse, holler, and get in my face. I am not working, and could not pay the rent, utilities, no food, gas money, or anything. I was so stressed out crying all the time leaning on my family for support. We are suppose to be a christian couple, but no one could tell from our arguements. I had to move back with my parents, and he lives with his parents too. Now, he is trying to get back in, but I don't feel the same about him. I feel like he should of been supportive, knowing I am not working, and just started law school. We do not have any children, or property together. We have been seperated for 2 1/2 months now. What should I do?
Randal602 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 question is, what do you want to do...does part of you want to give him a second chance and you fear that things will go back to how they were.? I am in a similar situation, I want my story to be a happy ending, also...but do you think he can really change, has he put forth an effort?...as I read these post and post myself I try to ask what would my wife side of the story be...what would your husbans side be her...can you and he learn to communicat....hollering in your face is not good...could this esculate?...be careful
LakesideDream Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Yelling, hollering, no job husband that walked out on you. You the up and coming soon to be legal Beagle.. Your in luck! Divorcing now when you are both broke/unemployed will keep you from shelling out all the big bucks post divorce. Besides, while you were "seperated" you got the chance to bone down with a new stud muffin, and enjoyed it. Sounds like this is happening just right for you. What's paying a few minor bills compared to the super bucks you'll be making and keeping as a partner at Boston Legal? Let him run, while you play the part of being the dutiful, however sad woman wronged. It's all good for you.
Tony T Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 There shouldn't even be a question. Get rid of the bum. Why would you want to continue living this way? No, he's not going to change.
Gunny376 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Dump this clown! He doesn't even have a job! What "man" doesn't have a job! It might be shoveling dirt, busting concrete, working at WalMart, whatever ~ but I can assure you ~ I will always finf myself some kind of job! And then he gives you grief? Dump this clown and concentrate on finishing your degree in law. Concentrate on your life and yourself! He was the perfect "guy" before you became the person that you are! You've grown ~ he hasn't! You've learned, growned, experience ~ he hasn't! You? You have ambitions! He doesn't! You? You've got dreams! He doesn't! You need this guy like a fish needs a tricycle!
Krytie TV Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 She never said he was jobless. SHE's jobless. I hesitate to jump on this guy's back. In my marriage, that sounds like it was as volatile as yours, OP, my wife (at the time) had many people convinced at how much of a prick I was. She had people convinced that I was aggressive with her, treated her poorly, you name it. At the time of the separation, when I left her while I was jobless, the truth was that I couldn't take her shyt anymore. I know where the problem really was. So, I would be curious to hear this same story from the guy's perspective. As is often the case, your post has you as being an innocent victim of some horrible bum. I'm not convinced. I get a tone in your post that you look down in him for not being "in school" like you are... because he doesn't try... nevermind that he was the ONLY money maker in the relationship. Doesn't that mean anything??? My gut, due to the congruence between your story and mine, tells me that you probably did act like you didn't want to be married to him. Whether you resent him for not going to school or making enough money or whatever. My hunch is that you made your disappointment clear to him. Maybe even daily.
smokiejjj Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Tell him that in order to get back together with you he has to take and complete an "Anger Management" class. I had to do this for my wife and it help alot. As well in order to get back you have to go to counseling. No moving in together until these 2 requests are completed. No chance of getting back together until these are completed. His attitude towards these requests and his attitude in counseling will tell you if you should get back with him.
Author Precious210 Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 He is working, but making only minimumwage. dropped out of school, and always making excuses to better himself, but says he wants too. when he left, he got a good job, bought a car, and had money, but did not give me a dime.
Krytie TV Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 He is working, but making only minimumwage. dropped out of school, and always making excuses to better himself, but says he wants too. when he left, he got a good job, bought a car, and had money, but did not give me a dime. Yes, that's the entitlement I was looking for. It wasn't love you had for him... you thought he should've treated you more like a business partner until you got your degree/license? It would've been nice if he would have given you a free ride through school though, huh?
greengoddess Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Yes, that's the entitlement I was looking for. It wasn't love you had for him... you thought he should've treated you more like a business partner until you got your degree/license? It would've been nice if he would have given you a free ride through school though, huh? Ummm they were MARRIED and he just up and left her high and dry. Roommates don't even do that to one another
Krytie TV Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Ummm they were MARRIED and he just up and left her high and dry. Roommates don't even do that to one another I'm just saying there's more than one side to any event. I just up and left my ex too... high and dry as you would call it. And even though she had me labeled as the worst human being she knew to everyone around us, I left because she took it to that point. I just think there's some truth to the reasons her husband gave for leaving, that's all. Would you want to be married to someone who harbored the negative thoughts that she does about his life goals and that didn't show love (which I am only presuming has a lot of truth to it)? I didn't.
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 My gut, due to the congruence between your story and mine, tells me that you probably did act like you didn't want to be married to him Probably was the vicious circle and they both reacted, him with anger and resentment, which caused the yelling etc, and she shut down, started ignoring him, closing herself off from him which only made him yell and get in her face more. They're both at fault here and it's obvious they both have communication issues and can't talk, be honest and have civil conversations to fix the marriage.
Krytie TV Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Probably was the vicious circle and they both reacted, him with anger and resentment, which caused the yelling etc, and she shut down, started ignoring him, closing herself off from him which only made him yell and get in her face more. They're both at fault here and it's obvious they both have communication issues and can't talk, be honest and have civil conversations to fix the marriage. Agreed. I just don't think that anyone in particular was the bum here.
Author Precious210 Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 Actually, I worked sixteen hour shifts for 1 1/2 while we were together. I stopped working once I got into school, with his permission. I'm not saying I am the poor victim, no way! We both cursed and hollered, but when I was trying to change, go to church...he would still act the same. We both were acting like ass holes, but I was trying to change, and he was steady acting violent. Now, he is always in between jobs ans so forth, but I don't look down on him. He has the same opportunity that I have. Its not about school, or a job, its about his personality and how he treats me and how I treat him. When I started respecting and appreciating him for the good things, he still acted crazy. He even tryed to get me put in jail over an argument that he caused, knowing it could ruin my schooling. He is not a monster, but we both have a lot of growing to do. I just don't want to take the chance of getting back with him, and we go back down the same negative path.
Author Precious210 Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 My husband dropped out of school because he said its not for him. I supported him for the four years we were together. I am a very sexual, romantic, and affectionate person, but he is a little different. When I bought my own car, got a good job paying good money, he said he felt like i didn't need him, and how he felt like i would leave him once i became a lawyer. When he left, he said he wanted me to be free, because he always knew I could do better. He admitted he was wrong, and how he ran from responsibility, all i ever did was tryed to help him with school and financially.
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