Author KittenMoon Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 I was saying put the passion and the power of the words into your writing. One of the stories is a really unusual love story. I was told I took something that seemed to have no chance of having an ending that wasn't cheesy and made it work wonderfully. Anyways, thanks for the words tonight guys, the crying seemed to have abated for now, and I'm exhausted and need to sleep. Thanks a lot all, it's nice to know I can still get sympathy when I need it, even after 20months of whining on LS.
Ashbash11 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Oh my gosh, I need my ex boyfriend to say the same thing to me. Closure is really important. I've been in a "gray area" with my ex for 2 YEARS and we're both ambivalent toward each other. If only he would just tell me, "I don't love you and we will never be a couple again." It would hurt, but probably less than being pulled back and forth and constantly wondering "what if" what if, you know?
Author KittenMoon Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Oh my gosh, I need my ex boyfriend to say the same thing to me. Closure is really important. I've been in a "gray area" with my ex for 2 YEARS and we're both ambivalent toward each other. If only he would just tell me, "I don't love you and we will never be a couple again." It would hurt, but probably less than being pulled back and forth and constantly wondering "what if" what if, you know? MAKE him say it if you want it. I had to force him into a corner, and ask him repeatedly over nearly a six-month period to say it. I told him I WANTED him to say it, no emotional blackmail attached. He still couldn't. Finally, he said it, said we'd never be together again... why that was so f-in hard to say when he ditched me nearly 2 years ago is baffling. Like, if you don't love someone, be able to say it, because it's the truth! I like my nice black and white, thanks, grey areas not so much.
Surfer Girl Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Perhaps the fact that he made it clear to you he wants it to be over has now become the fact that you may have to accept it now.... The hope, the wanting for reconcilliation all the things you were wanting in your mind... He has made it more real.... The hurt the pain of accepting it is really over in his mind must make it hurt bad... Perhaps a new reality of feeling the pain for real this time because perhaps in your heart you wanted, believed it wasn't over.... It is almost like starting over again.... I feel for you.... Just know you can not control what he wants.... And that acceptance of what is real can be overwhelming.... It has to make you realize the reality....
Storyrider Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Congrats on your stories KM. I've been writing short stories again lately too. Nothing complete yet. I know, off topic.
JeanQueen Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 KittenMoon, I noticed that you said all the people that you used to whine with are all gone and have new relationships. I just wanted to let you know that I've been here since you have, just gone though many reincarnations with names and such becaue I liked to get fresh opinions without the knowledge of my backstory because I hoped people would tell me something different about my broken relationship (I know, weird ) Anyhow, I've always followed what was going on with you, but didn't post much because I was (and still am) going through a very similar thing and didn't really have anything to tell you that other's hadn't already said. So, anyway I just wanted to let you know that I'm still here limping along too, so you can talk to me anytime. Don't feel bad that you're doing things on your own agenda right now. It is, after all, your life. Also, I wish I had the guts to call my ex and force those words out of his mouth. As it is, I sit here and wonder if we'll someday find each other again. It's always worse after I meet someone new and it doesn't work out...like right now
AriaIncognito Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 I too have been here the entire time KM. And I remember you posting with such sadness and hurt. And your trials with different anti-ds. Etc. We haven't all moved on. We aren't all finding new people. We all feel like everyone around us has what we want because we are so focused on it, but i think its like when you find a car you like. You might never see that car ever, then you decide you want one, and you see that car all over the place. Happened with all the cars I've ever had. I guess it's just when you have an increased awareness of something, you're bound to notice it more. I wonder, if we were in relationships, and say we weren't happy, would we then notice all the happily single folks around us? Probably.
JeanQueen Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Well said Ariawoman. Right now, all I can see are all the happy people in their relationships. But, when I was in the bad relationship with my ex all I saw were single people having fun and living a normal 20 something life. I hate that!
AriaIncognito Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Well said Ariawoman. Right now, all I can see are all the happy people in their relationships. But, when I was in the bad relationship with my ex all I saw were single people having fun and living a normal 20 something life. I hate that! oooo proof of my theory already obtained. nice!
Teacher's Pet Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 The sad part is, the problems in our own minds can continue even when we meet someone. I had a date last week with a really great girl. Intelligent, sweet, great sense of humor, etc... I'd honestly say she's 90% of what I'm looking for in someone. Now, being 1 1/2 years removed from a very bad, abusive relationship, my mind is focusing on the 10%, and I seem to be "trying" to find the problems with this girl, almost as if I'm sabotaging what might become of this. We were supposed to go out tonight, but she called me on my way home from work, upset because she hurt herself (not badly...twisted a muscle) and couldn't see me tonight. She made it a point to let me know that not being able to see me was the worst part of it. It's plain to see that this girl likes me, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I was slightly (yet VERY slightly) relieved that I wasn't seeing her tonight, and for the life of me, I don't know why. We had a great time last week, a lot of laughs, and a lot of kissin'. I'm 12 days from having my apartment "liveable" again, and I'm certainly looking forward to having someone to snuggle with on my new sofa when it arrives... especially since I finally have my place all to myself again..... But..... part of me just doesn't want to be bothered with any of this... And why is that? Fear. I think deep down... while I WANT a relationship, and this girl is definately relationship material (from what I can tell in the 2 weeks I've known her), I have this unnatural fear that all women are out to hurt me. I know it's not true, but when you went through what I have (and I have 2000+ posts here because of it!), you look for the negatives in everything. I just need to shake this fear out of my head and enjoy what could become of this. But, of course, I suck at dating, so..... -tp ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author KittenMoon Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 Perhaps the fact that he made it clear to you he wants it to be over has now become the fact that you may have to accept it now.... The hope, the wanting for reconcilliation all the things you were wanting in your mind... He has made it more real.... The hurt the pain of accepting it is really over in his mind must make it hurt bad... Perhaps a new reality of feeling the pain for real this time because perhaps in your heart you wanted, believed it wasn't over.... It is almost like starting over again.... I feel for you.... Just know you can not control what he wants.... And that acceptance of what is real can be overwhelming.... It has to make you realize the reality.... Actually, what's truly painful is the fact that just like everything between us, including our break-up, I WAS THE ONE who had to make it real. I was the one who had to end the relationship, even though I didn't want to. But he wouldn't. I was the one who had to force him to say it was really over, when he refused numerous times. It's goddamn madness, knowing I've suffered every step of the way accommodating his emotional immaturity simply because I don't abide by goddamn emotional ambivalence.
underpants Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 You know, I read alot of this (fixation) on an ex. Believe me, I have had my share of 'experiences'. Yet, I refuse to let that damage who I am and what I know I can offer someone. (I might be too stubborn) Yes, I am alone, and yes it sucks. I will say though, you can smell someone who has 'ex' issues and that is probably one of the biggest deterents for me when I consider dating someone. Feel it, own it, learn from it and let it go. That is really all that any of us can do. If you carry that baggage around it is probably inhibiting you from being open to someone more deserving. People generally shy away from playing second fiddle to a bad memory. I understand momentary reflection and connection making. I do that. Just don't let it take over and detract from what you can offer.
Author KittenMoon Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 KittenMoon, I noticed that you said all the people that you used to whine with are all gone and have new relationships. I just wanted to let you know that I've been here since you have, just gone though many reincarnations with names and such becaue I liked to get fresh opinions without the knowledge of my backstory because I hoped people would tell me something different about my broken relationship (I know, weird ) Anyhow, I've always followed what was going on with you, but didn't post much because I was (and still am) going through a very similar thing and didn't really have anything to tell you that other's hadn't already said. So, anyway I just wanted to let you know that I'm still here limping along too, so you can talk to me anytime. Don't feel bad that you're doing things on your own agenda right now. It is, after all, your life. Also, I wish I had the guts to call my ex and force those words out of his mouth. As it is, I sit here and wonder if we'll someday find each other again. It's always worse after I meet someone new and it doesn't work out...like right now Wow, this is really nice to know actually. It's hard to have to hide so much of my emotion from my friends, family, etc. I hate having to be so emotionally controlled, though honestly, I've been that way most of my life. There are two people in the world I could really let the emotions out with- my mom and my ex. But my mom is really really obsessively worrisome, and my breakup was almost as bad on her as on me. So I have to filter there too. So now there is no one I can be completely emotionally vulnerable with- it's the worst thing ever. Thank goodness for LS.
Author KittenMoon Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 You know, I read alot of this (fixation) on an ex. Believe me, I have had my share of 'experiences'. Yet, I refuse to let that damage who I am and what I know I can offer someone. (I might be too stubborn) Yes, I am alone, and yes it sucks. I will say though, you can smell someone who has 'ex' issues and that is probably one of the biggest deterents for me when I consider dating someone. Feel it, own it, learn from it and let it go. That is really all that any of us can do. If you carry that baggage around it is probably inhibiting you from being open to someone more deserving. People generally shy away from playing second fiddle to a bad memory. I understand momentary reflection and connection making. I do that. Just don't let it take over and detract from what you can offer. Well, I don't date, don't look to date, and have no interest in making my issues someone else's, so fortunately this is a moot point. And no one I've met has had the "vibe" that I actually find attractive. No one single that is- fortunately, I'm also not a homewrecker.
underpants Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Well, I don't date, don't look to date, and have no interest in making my issues someone else's, so fortunately this is a moot point. And no one I've met has had the "vibe" that I actually find attractive. No one single that is- fortunately, I'm also not a homewrecker. I probably would not respond to you if I thought you a homewrecker. (at least not nicely...). I like you, angry toile and all. I do hope you can find peace with your past and let it go...for you and your future. There is that silly saying that the first love you should have is to yourself. It is a good confidence to have. From the unselfish tone that your posts give I would say that you, kitten, should have a little more faith and love in yourself. It is a fine line between compassion and arrogance. A fine line between looking to the past and having it interfere with possible futures. We can't juggle it all and that is where decisions have to be made. I do wish you the best. You sound like a nice person and I am sorry if your ex did not value you enough to hold onto. In time you will value yourself enough to let go. Chin up.
Author KittenMoon Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 There is that silly saying that the first love you should have is to yourself. It is a good confidence to have. From the unselfish tone that your posts give I would say that you, kitten, should have a little more faith and love in yourself. Funny thing, I think self-confidence is the worst thing I've ever developed. I could write a dissertation on why my ex should be with me. But all the self-confidence in the world doesn't answer why bar skanks and attention whores were suddenly more attractive to my ex than me. Well, I could break him down psychologically and give yet another dissertation, but all the logic and good arguments in the world doesn't remove the emotion. Gah, anyways. I've never been particularly good at being easily understandable. That's one reason I stopped therapy- I felt like my therapist was a little too intrigued. Sometimes I think it would be so nice to be normally f-ed up, like everybody else.
Ariadne Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 That's one reason I stopped therapy- I felt like my therapist was a little too intrigued. Yey for stopping therapy. Ariadne
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