Is this female hypocricy or is it me being immature?

[Sunblast]

I will present you with the most recent situation, about 10 minutes old, but I see this pattern happen over and over, maybe tens of times over the past few years.

 

I see women very often being rude and disrespectful when absolutely uncalled for. Sometimes, when they're rude to me, I call them on it, not meanly but without backing down. I think most guys play it off or ignore it. When I call them on it, they get pissed off. If I call guys on being rude, etc, we somehow quickly rectify any problem. I thought women didn't want an ass-kisser, but if I point out their bull****, they act disinterested. To me, that's weird?

 

QUESTION: Please explain where is my thinking wrong, and PLEASE explain the situation from an observer's perspective.

 

Situation:

 

I text/email with a local woman (Q) I met online but never in person. We exchange invitations but plans don't sync. We are on good terms.

 

I tell her that last night my friend was relating a harrowing experience of hitting a couch on a motorcycle going 75mph, going airborne, and landing on his wheels - a miracle if there ever was one. The girl whom he told didn't buy it.

 

I text Q "...but the dumb bitch thought he was lying."

Q: Are you a mysoginist?

Me: That's harsh; I'm not calling you a man-hating bull dyke, so be nice.

 

Q has a cow. I ask if she realizes she's hypocritical, and she responds with "wow ok" etc.

[Lunar Sonata]

You have a way with words that woos the ladies!

[Citizen Erased]

There is a bit of a difference between someone asking if you are a misogynist and calling someone a man-hating bull dyke

[jcster]

I text Q "...but the dumb bitch thought he was lying."

 

You were rude. That is a rude statement. Women generally find men that use the term "dumb bitch" to describe other women to be offensive. I'm completely embarrassed for you that you wouldn't know that.

 

Q: Are you a mysoginist?

 

That's a very reasonable question - since the term "dumb bitch" is generally an indicator of mysogyny.

 

Me: That's harsh; I'm not calling you a man-hating bull dyke, so be nice.

 

And here...you seal the deal! You ARE a mysogynist! Congratulations...you get a gold star!

 

Q has a cow. I ask if she realizes she's hypocritical, and she responds with "wow ok" etc.

 

Good work. Do you really think you were "calling someone on their rudeness?"

 

Wow...ok.

[Sunblast]

This last post is obviously female as confirmed by her profile. How do I know? It's absolutist and not helpful. At a risk of wrestling with a pig in mud:

 

My friend almost died. He was still nervous from having cheated death two hours prior. That girl basically said he/we made up that story just for her benefit to get her attention(!), totally negating the importance of what just happened.

 

That's both dumb and rude (hence bitch).

[Citizen Erased]

This last post is obviously female as confirmed by her profile. How do I know? It's absolutist and not helpful. At a risk of wrestling with a pig in mud:

 

My friend almost died. He was still nervous from having cheated death two hours prior. That girl basically said he/we made up that story just for her benefit to get her attention(!), totally negating the importance of what just happened.

 

That's both dumb and rude (hence bitch).

 

Seriously this is not important. She didn't believe a truly odd story, you are overreacting. If you don't like her then don't speak to her. There is no need to call her names, be an adult please.

 

As for Q. Most women do not like having anyone named "bitch' or whatever from a man they barely even know. Then when she called you on it, You saying such a thing as you did was highly inappropriate and not necessary at all. If she had of said "You are a woman hating *******" then I would understand your coming back with what you said. But asking if someone is a misogynist does not warrant such a response.

[Pirouette]

I will attempt to couch this in different terms since you don't seem to get what the above poster was saying.

 

The term bitch, much like whore, slut and other such insults are deeply hurtful and offensive towards many woman, and many woman, such as I, dislike hearing them in everyday speech. As a man, you may not understand this as there is no insult that I can think of geared specifically towards men that have taken on such negative connotations over the years.

 

If we change the situation, and the person you were insulting was black, and you called them the N word, because you associate that word with those bad characteristics you mentioned, the woman may have asked you this:

 

"Are you racist?" And this would not be in an effort to be rude to you. She would genuinely be concerned that you were racist.

 

If you then responded:

 

"That's harsh; I'm not calling you a (insert racial slur), so be nice." Well, you would seem pretty racist. Most people would quickly lose all interest in you. Her surprised reaction to you would be understandable and justified.

 

The difference is that such clear racism is almost universally reviled, and you could understand why someone would react like that if you used such a word. It is not so with sexist slurs. It is sad that people, men and women, perpetuate sexist insults and think that there is nothing wrong or hurtful in it.

 

I hope you can see how women would feel the same way about your casual use of the word bitch. I would be upset if my brothers, my dad, my SO used these words to describe me or any other women, simply because they were women, since they would never describe a man who acted the same way as a bitch.

 

If the person you described is stupid and rude, call them that. Your choice to call them bitch is worrisome to some people, and would be to me too. I hope you are at least able to understand that.

[Krytie TV]

This last post is obviously female as confirmed by her profile. How do I know? It's absolutist and not helpful. At a risk of wrestling with a pig in mud:

 

My friend almost died. He was still nervous from having cheated death two hours prior. That girl basically said he/we made up that story just for her benefit to get her attention(!), totally negating the importance of what just happened.

 

That's both dumb and rude (hence bitch).

 

Oh my. You DO realize that you are, in fact, oozing mysoginy. It sounds like you deserve whatever treatment you get from all the "dumb bitches", as you so eloquently call them. At least you surround yourself with women smart enough to see you for what you are.

[jcster]

This last post is obviously female as confirmed by her profile. How do I know? It's absolutist and not helpful. At a risk of wrestling with a pig in mud:

 

Excuse me?! Wrestling a pig in mud? WTF?!

 

That's both dumb and rude (hence bitch).

 

Hence ignorant, mysogynistic, immature... boy. I'm starting to think there's some sick boys out there who get excited by arguing with women over the internet. Is that it? Is this a fetish you guys have? Or are you so incredibly blinded by your own insecurities that you need to insult every woman you meet? Get a life!

 

Gah!

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Sunblast, how is she hypoctitical? All I see there is you acting like a prick.

 

To answer your question; it's something wrong with you, not every female in the world.

[googlezap]

Sorry bro, pirouette's right. Don't refer to a girl as a "bitch" in the presence of another unless you know her REALLY well. It does seem like you've got some woman hatred going on. Many of my female friends would get pretty pissed if I did that in front of them too. The fact that you said it to a girl you just recently met makes it that much worse, since she has few other frames of reference to judge you by.

 

But kudos to you that at least you're self-aware enough to wonder if it's you being immature, most people aren't.

[The Joker]

I text/email with a local woman (Q) I met online but never in person. We exchange invitations but plans don't sync. We are on good terms.

 

That was absolutely lame, more online romance gone wrong. The only thing Q really needed to say to you after that behavior was Fawk-Q. End of story.

[uniqueone]

I'd hate to know what the language was like growing up in your household.......most certainly that's where you've gotten this outlook and attitude from.

 

Had you said to Q: "but the stupid idiot thought he was lying." that would have been an entirely different situation.

 

What made the difference was that you made reference to a gender-based slur. Ths is no different than a racial slur.

It would be similiar to you saying: "but the dumb N thought he was lying."

 

If that statement was made, it would be pretty expected for someone to reply with: "Are you a racist?"

 

When someone uses a slur, then they should not be surprised if it gives their listener an unfavorable impression of them.

 

Your words contain a lot of hostility.

[The Loacker]

Haha, you don't call someone a "man-hating bull dyke" and expect them to brush it off.

[jcster]

Haha, you don't call someone a "man-hating bull dyke" and expect them to brush it off.

 

Oh...yeah...and you're also homophobic. cheers.

[Sunblast]

The LoveShack community is eager to hear how these events unraveled, I am sure. I kid. But maybe someone cares. So:

 

- You guys are probably right, I do take things a bit too defensively. But I do see a lot of outright rudeness with women, and either it's "the kinds of women", or it's by provocation, or it's just them and their American upbringing. That's a whole another soap box, so let's leave it be. Whomever said I gotta chill I think is right, so kudos to the smart people here.

 

- I did text Q and even called her today and her and I talked. She said she was pleasantly surprised because she thought I hated her now and didn't wanna talk anymore (we're in our mid-20s, I'm 25, she's also thereabouts) and squealed with excitement; ditto her girlfriend in the car.

 

So I guess we resolved our differences for now. But I also guess I ought to let more things slide. (No reason to get into that too much on this thread anymore, the Q issue is resolved as far as this thread is concerned. Wish I could delete it now.)

[uniqueone]

The LoveShack community is eager to hear how these events unraveled, I am sure. I kid. But maybe someone cares. So:

 

- You guys are probably right, I do take things a bit too defensively. But I do see a lot of outright rudeness with women, and either it's "the kinds of women", or it's by provocation, or it's just them and their American upbringing. That's a whole another soap box, so let's leave it be. Whomever said I gotta chill I think is right, so kudos to the smart people here.

 

- I did text Q and even called her today and her and I talked. She said she was pleasantly surprised because she thought I hated her now and didn't wanna talk anymore (we're in our mid-20s, I'm 25, she's also thereabouts) and squealed with excitement; ditto her girlfriend in the car.

 

So I guess we resolved our differences for now. But I also guess I ought to let more things slide. (No reason to get into that too much on this thread anymore, the Q issue is resolved as far as this thread is concerned. Wish I could delete it now.)

 

I dunno....IS it resolved? Those deep-seated beliefs towards women don't disappear overnight. They'll turn up again. Your comment about "American women" gave me the full picture. You want a docile, submissive woman. Best to order one by mail. (however, from what I've seen, they come over here, get a taste of what it's like to be an American woman, and dump their husbands).

 

You can sweep this under the rug for now....and it sounds like you will...but it'll come up again.

 

 

 

"squeeled with excitement"...taking a moment of silence now to say my blessings for being past this stage......

[Sunblast]

The problem with asking advice online on forums such as LoveShack is that the lion's share of the people here are those who are looking for help - usually the socially awkward and otherwise inept. Because I've no doubt truly socially successful people are on here.

 

And so it is with your comment. I said American woman, and you think I want someone submissive. But when people come here, they can best be helped by a psychologist or a psychotherapist, not a housewife.

 

It's unsound that there's either American or submissive, barefoot and pregnant. There're others. For instance, in Russia, women are certainly not submissive and will give their men a piece of their mind and a piece of their rolling pin, but they also don't play nearly as many games, are more open, more sexual, and usually far more polite. When I went there, the women, even those who turned me down, were polite and normal - not full of arrogance like those here.

[Sunblast]

On the other hand, of course, the issues are still there. Because if I try talking to someone new, no matter what approach I try, it's usually unsuccessful, -especially- in bars and night clubs. Almost never.

[uniqueone]

The problem with asking advice online on forums such as LoveShack is that the lion's share of the people here are those who are looking for help - usually the socially awkward and otherwise inept. Because I've no doubt truly socially successful people are on here.

 

So you're saying that you're socially awkward and inept then.

 

And so it is with your comment. I said American woman, and you think I want someone submissive. But when people come here, they can best be helped by a psychologist or a psychotherapist, not a housewife.

 

But of course we have no professionals on this forum....we're all housewives........

It's unsound that there's either American or submissive, barefoot and pregnant. There're others. For instance, in Russia, women are certainly not submissive and will give their men a piece of their mind and a piece of their rolling pin, but they also don't play nearly as many games, are more open, more sexual, and usually far more polite. When I went there, the women, even those who turned me down, were polite and normal - not full of arrogance like those here.

 

How many wanted a Visa?