melo Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 I have been broken up with my ex(dumper) for almost 4 months now. We communicate with each other maybe a few times a week. We dated for 2 yrs and lived with each other about 60% of that time. I admit im still not completely over her and its hard for me to let go. Ive tried NC many times during this 4 month period and always give in after a week of NC. We've even had sex together a few times. It seems as if she has moved on but when i pull the NC she calls and calls at least 3 times a day until i answer. She has a new guy friend in her life which she hangs out with alot. Ive even met him. She insists that he is just a fun guy to hang out with and she dosent see him like that at all. But i dont know, and all it does is makes me jealous at the fact he pretty much replaced my position. So i came to a conclusion that i cannot live like this anymore. Still being in contact with her and hearing about her new guy friend just frustrates me and it makes no sense for this to continue. I just texted her to let her know i wanted to meet up and talk to her about something important, and that ive been wanting to talk to her about this for awhile. She dosent know that this is going to be about how i feel i need to part ways with her. I jus feel like that is the mature thing to do instead of cuting her off. So i need HELP on this. ANYONE especially a womens opinion... What should i say? How should i approach this? Should i even meet her up, or do it over the phone? im so confused im just not good with expressing my feelings in words.. never was in the relationship either.
Author melo Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 please any opinions are welcome im planning on meeting her soon
wowIlose Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 If you feel you NEED to see her than just tell her how you feel and go. Just don't be a fool and break down in front of her.. (like i did one time........) I would honestly just not say anything but if you must than go ahead. Tell her and leave and go NC for as long as it takes to get over her. If she calls, don't pick up. Its just from experience telling her that ur unable to be around her doesn't do anything. Makes you look weak if anything... cutting her off is much better in the long run.
Author melo Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Thanks wowilose, i have been going back and forth on whether to talk to her about it or just cut her off. your post is definetly appreciated. second opinons are welcome please, i need to clear this sh*t out thanks
hopeforlove243 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 You need to let her understand that you can't be her friend as the way it is now, make sure she can leave you alone, otherwise, she would keep calling you, and you go no where.
Author melo Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 any ideas on how i can let her know that hopeforlove? thats where im stuck
birdie Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 it depends on how much you want to say. I can tell you what I would say in your shoes and then you decide if you are thinking along these lines. I can be a bit outspoken so my apologies if you are offended. ----------------------------- if I was in the same situation then I would spell it out to my ex that I did not want to have sex with him anymore and I would not put up with a situation where he slept with me sometimes and also with another girl. I would also tell him that his carrying on like this made him a slut and that I preferred not to be part of that set up. I would also tell him that I wanted to move on, I had no desire to be tangled up in this screwed up mess and that he needed to grow up and I didn't care about his stupid little games to make me jealous. ---------------------- I think the above would be offensive and truthful enough to shut her up completely.
Spinderella Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I dont know if you have met with her yet, but The best thing is to be honest, but keep things simple. Just tell her that your feelings have never gone away since the relationship ended, and continued contact is not helping you to put the relationship behind you, therefore a friendship is not on the cards for the moment. Theres no need for details. Stick to your points, so things dont get complicated.
Author melo Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 i do feel like i shouldnt say anything to her at all and just stop answering her phone calls and texts. i like how wowilose put it when he said it makes you weak confronting her. My Ex works at a salon with her mom. Now, my mom is selling mary kay products with her mom so they will be seeing each other occasionally. i figured if i cut her off, my ex will eventually bump into my mom and ask why i havent been answering her calls. i talked to my mom about that and she suggested that if my Ex does ask why ive been ignoring her than my mom can explain why im doing what im doing. I just want her to understand that i dont hate her and the reasons why im doing this is for me, because i havent moved on completely. I hope she understands that any type of friendship is unthinkable at this time. After reading everyones opinions i feel this may be the best way without making me look weak. What do you guys think?
reboot Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 when i pull the NC she calls and calls at least 3 times a day until i answer. What do you guys think? You answer because you choose to. There is no law that requires you to answer the phone. You don't need to meet with her to tell her anything. If you stop answering the phone, she'll get the hint. Her bumping into your mother and anything said there has nothing to do with you. If you insist on meeting her to tell her your feelings, it's because you still have hope. And she'll know this.
heartoutside Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I would say you should really think about what you want. Are you wanting to talk to her because you think you guys can work something out or are you wanting to talk to her so you can move on? I had a meeting with my ex like this about a month ago, got no where. I went because I thought maybe we could work things out. By the answers she had given me previous to our talk, I thought that maybe she was re-considering things. I was wrong and just got more confused answers. A month later after 3 weeks of her basically texting and calling just about every day, 2 days ago she asked if we could finish our conversation (the one we had a month ago). The conversation was finished when she started dating someone else 2 weeks ago.....she needs to understand that I'm not part of her life anymore, thus NC. It seems like your ex needs to understand that as well. I've been fighting off saying anything about friendship to my ex. I see it like this. You tell your ex that you don't see a friendship happening right now, but maybe in the future, she'll think she can have control over you in some way, or have the idea that maybe in a month she can call you up or text you. She won't really feel the pain or the guilt she should feel for walking away. Therefore, I've told me ex time and time again that I don't ever see a friendship happening. And to be honest I don't. Not for a long long long time. I would suggest if your ex asks your mom why you haven't been returning her calls, have your mom tell her that she doesn't know and she is staying out of it. Don't involve your "mothers." If your ex can't figure out why you're not returning her calls, oh well, to bad for her. As for the talk. If you really think it's something you NEED to do I agree with Spinderella (except about the friend thing). Tell her that you still feel the same, but if she's moved on then you need to as well and she needs to let you move on. You can't be part of her life. Keep it simple, bold and somewhat blunt....that IMHO.... good luck
Author melo Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Thank you guys for all your help. I think i am NOT going to meet with her. However, i did mess up and text her yesterday saying ive been wanting to talk to her about something i feel is important. So she called me this morning and i didnt pick up. Mainly because this morning i was still undecided on how to approach this. But now I think the best thing to do is walk away and hope she understands. This is one of the hardest things i ever had to do. I still care about her very much.
Author melo Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 i have went NC and now my ex is starting to realize im letting her go. she just text me this morning asking if i was mad at her. i want to text her back and tell her im not but i dont know what to do. i just want her to understand why im doing what im doing. should i text her back? should i reconsider meeting with her and telling her why we have to go our seperate ways and cant be friends at this time? THIS IS DEFINETLY THE HARDEST THING I EVER HAD TO DO. any advices are welcome, thanks
funkybassplayer Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 To keep her guessing is not a fair thing to do. IF you explain to her, she will understand, and it will help you both to let go with no ill feeling. If this is what you trully want, then to meet her is not a good idea. I would say an email or a letter would be good, as she can re read it. To let someone go by ignoring them is one of the most hurtful, and selfish things that some one can do to some one else. Just explain it hard for you to be friends and you need to give yourelf time to let you emotions settle before you can consider friendship with her. She will appreicate that and stop blaming herself or trying to guess why your no repsonding to her.
Nevermind Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Write a letter, do not meet again or if she insists on it...just go, hand her the letter and then leave. Write about yourself, but do not accuse her of anything. You have not the right for it and it would not help anyway. Tell her how you feel and why you see the need to put an end to further communication. Be gentle. Ask her to let you go. If she wants to be your friend, she has to respect that. If she doesn't then she isn't your friend. Maybe include that only by aquiring peace of mind, you might be able to build up a real friendship in the future. That's my advice. Good luck, melo.
reboot Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 You can talk to her all you want. Just don't act needy and keep your emotions in check. Remember, she dumped you. If you're meeting with her with hopes of getting back together, don't do it. Send her a letter or email explaining your position so she can't see that your heart is on your sleeve. As long as you still love her, you can't just "be friends". If there's any chance she might decide she wants to try again, it will be because she admires the strength you're showing, not because she admires how well you cry.
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