marty Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 I'm feeling very lonely at the moment. Apart from one person who i can talk to, for everyone else, i put a happy face on. They all think i'm pretty much over it. How wrong they are. Tried my best to get out and about, going out at the weekends now and then, joined a gym, reading and learning alot about myself. I know i shouldn't put any importance on the thought of having a relationship just now, but all i can think is,, hows it ever gonna happen anyway? The few friends i have , have all settled down. I work in a family business with my dad and brother, so no opportunities to meet new people there. I dont live in an area adundant with class's to join or things like that. The one other male friend who is available to go out is very unreliable and most of the time bails out on me. Which is a right shame because we have a real laugh when he makes an effort to go out. I'm not looking for a relationship, just to meet new people and have some fun. I've been trying real hard to move on with my life, but i feel more alone now than i did 3 months ago. Its a matter of time maybe, and i know that the world wont come to me, i have to go grab it,,,,,,,,, but here i am in front of the telly,, yet again. any advice??
funkybassplayer Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 HI hope your ok, i joined a gym, and an evening class, and a dating site. The evening class was councelling, great cos you learn so much (i also do spiritual phycology) a great life skill. its great (only guy out of 20 in the councelling course) and made 1 cool lady friend, and other lady friends there as well. A dateing site, just treat it as a lauf! Youll be ok, but no one is going to look after you as well as you can. iv been where you are now, and when you come to terms with yourself, even sitting in front of the tv is ok. It will get better. I was dreading haloween last year playing with ex and her 3 kids, but i was fine, i guess im moving on, but i want to be friends with her.
Author marty Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 yeah funky, i'm ok i think mate. you were right when you posted in my thread that sometimes a break up can bring up things from the past that multiplies the pain. i've been hiding from myself for far too long, and now its not really even about her at all. i've done so much soul searching and self analysis other the past weeks and can start to see now where i've been going wrong. just by reading one book (Self Matters), i've seen where i've been not been living my own life. being always there for others instead of myself, internalising thoughts that are false, not going for my own goals and leading a life of basic existence. The break up with my ex has just brought these things to the surface and its now i see why i took it so badly. I was so desperate for 'happiness', i made her the 'answer' to it all,, and it fogged my view of her so much that i didnt see who she really was. And i see now how unhappy i must have been to be able to put up with all the things she did. Someone of a stronger substance would have seen it a mile off. I'm not saying she's a bad person. But a very very troubled one. But hey, i loved her anyways. I hope she finds her happiness. I send her love (after feeling lots of anger and feeling used). She has her own journey of self discovery that i fear will never take place. But it isnt about her anymore. I guess i'm just a little frustrated. Now i'm in a strange phase in my life. Getting comfortable with me is hard. Rushing it i guess. Its gonna take time to 'rewire' myself to become happy about making me happy (if that makes sense). I've got many years behind me, wasted time and energy on things that are not who i am. To the point where i'm not even sure who i am yet. is that weird??? I'm 35 and dont know who i am!!!
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 I'm feeling very lonely at the moment. Apart from one person who i can talk to, for everyone else, i put a happy face on. They all think i'm pretty much over it. How wrong they are. Tried my best to get out and about, going out at the weekends now and then, joined a gym, reading and learning alot about myself. I know i shouldn't put any importance on the thought of having a relationship just now, but all i can think is,, hows it ever gonna happen anyway? The few friends i have , have all settled down. I work in a family business with my dad and brother, so no opportunities to meet new people there. I dont live in an area adundant with class's to join or things like that. The one other male friend who is available to go out is very unreliable and most of the time bails out on me. Which is a right shame because we have a real laugh when he makes an effort to go out. I'm not looking for a relationship, just to meet new people and have some fun. I've been trying real hard to move on with my life, but i feel more alone now than i did 3 months ago. Its a matter of time maybe, and i know that the world wont come to me, i have to go grab it,,,,,,,,, but here i am in front of the telly,, yet again. any advice?? I have found it comes from within, thankfully now am happy with my own company. It is also good to have things planned to look forward too so even like now when feeling loney, you can think hey got that party next week, then me and bill are going out for beers the week after. I believe though that alot of guys don't forward plan as far as girls do, like I have plans for December already. Could you book to go visit some friends further afield for a weekend or over night? It's hard but it does come intime took me about 4months, I just think now well at least I have some down time and can get upto date with things etc.
Phateless Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Marty - I can promise you personally that it gets better. I've been single for exactly a year now (was with her for 5 years) and I know exactly what you're going through. You are exactly on schedule... it will take you closer to 6 months or a year before you start feeling like yourself again, but it will happen. Good for you on attempting to take the first steps. You just find a routine for yourself that keeps you busy, that you know is positive, and just keep hammering away at it, even if it seems to be of no help at all. Over time, it catches up with you and you feel great. Trust me. here... http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=936981&highlight=4.5+years+to+the+day
funkybassplayer Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 yeah funky, i'm ok i think mate. you were right when you posted in my thread that sometimes a break up can bring up things from the past that multiplies the pain. i've been hiding from myself for far too long, and now its not really even about her at all. i've done so much soul searching and self analysis other the past weeks and can start to see now where i've been going wrong. just by reading one book (Self Matters), i've seen where i've been not been living my own life. being always there for others instead of myself, internalising thoughts that are false, not going for my own goals and leading a life of basic existence. The break up with my ex has just brought these things to the surface and its now i see why i took it so badly. I was so desperate for 'happiness', i made her the 'answer' to it all,, and it fogged my view of her so much that i didnt see who she really was. And i see now how unhappy i must have been to be able to put up with all the things she did. Someone of a stronger substance would have seen it a mile off. I'm not saying she's a bad person. But a very very troubled one. But hey, i loved her anyways. I hope she finds her happiness. I send her love (after feeling lots of anger and feeling used). She has her own journey of self discovery that i fear will never take place. But it isnt about her anymore. I guess i'm just a little frustrated. Now i'm in a strange phase in my life. Getting comfortable with me is hard. Rushing it i guess. Its gonna take time to 'rewire' myself to become happy about making me happy (if that makes sense). I've got many years behind me, wasted time and energy on things that are not who i am. To the point where i'm not even sure who i am yet. is that weird??? I'm 35 and dont know who i am!!! Its a great step, admiting that the break up brought up your own issues (as it did me) and an even bigger one to begin to deal with it. Things will clear in your head, and you will find that good things will happen. The more you let go of needs, the more things will happen for you. Being able to forgive your ex and yourself is the way to get rid of the guilt, and she as you know is also in pain and has her own stuff to deal with. The breakup brought up the issues, and in a way she is to thank for that, cos she has given you a great gift. Your life back. One day, you may be frineds and you may be in a place to help her. Be prepeard to feel deep emotions, but the more you become self aware, the more you will understand whats going on, and the more you will relaxe whatever is going on in you. when you heal, you will see the pain in others and where before you may have been attarcted to it, now you will walk by, and you will look for someone happy, whole and compleat, but the more you heal, the more comfertable you will be in your own company. Im 41, and feel i have learnt more about me in 6 months than in 20 years. Its at this time where your heart is open that you will take in everything you need.
Bosiell Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Its a great step, admiting that the break up brought up your own issues (as it did me) and an even bigger one to begin to deal with it. Things will clear in your head, and you will find that good things will happen. The more you let go of needs, the more things will happen for you. Being able to forgive your ex and yourself is the way to get rid of the guilt, and she as you know is also in pain and has her own stuff to deal with. The breakup brought up the issues, and in a way she is to thank for that, cos she has given you a great gift. Your life back. One day, you may be frineds and you may be in a place to help her. Be prepeard to feel deep emotions, but the more you become self aware, the more you will understand whats going on, and the more you will relaxe whatever is going on in you. when you heal, you will see the pain in others and where before you may have been attarcted to it, now you will walk by, and you will look for someone happy, whole and compleat, but the more you heal, the more comfertable you will be in your own company. Im 41, and feel i have learnt more about me in 6 months than in 20 years. Its at this time where your heart is open that you will take in everything you need.[/quote] I hear you funky. I am not far behind you age wise. I know for sure my recent experience (as painfull as it is) has and will open me up to take stock of who I am, see things about myself which I know wont be pretty but must be faced. I need to find myself, simple as that.
Sanslatete Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I'm in the same age range as you guys and I've been forced to take stock of my life too in a way that I've never done before. I see myself differently after all the shyt that I've endured this year. I've done things to get through that I wouldn't have managed years ago, I may have just given up. I think I'm learning more about myself this time and (hopefully) will emerge a better, more grounded, realistic person in the future. I'm by no means out of the woods yet, I'm still struggling (a lot) but I think I can do this, I think I can survive and carry on my life in a more or less competent way. I'll never trust or love to the level that I did though, it's way too risky, and I don't ever want to be in this place again. That's the downside as far as I can see it, trust.
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