The Joker Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 And I did say above in other posts that it was not just that, that was just the final little thing. We just did not connect...read again ^^^^^^^^^^^^ I've been noticing a current trend of women posting about using the online personals. On one hand they speak in a desperate tone, submitting a detailed resume on why they are the greatest catch. As if to sell it to everyone, validating that they are who they think they are. Your confidence and conversation alone should be strong enough to project all this and for any man who genuinely cares to appreciate you for who you are. Otherwise just print out the list of your qualities and submit it during the date in the form of a checklist. Then pass or fail them based on the number they get correct. Back to my main point, women whom are using the personals seem to be thinking prince charming is going to be riding up on his valiant steed with a rose in one hand and a diet coke in the other. Seriously, it was a first date. Different people approach first dates in different ways in terms of who buys, what to do, conversation, behavior, expectations etc. It's not always best to gauge such trivial things after one date. If you did not click, you did not click, end of story. No sense in trying to justify the basis you don't like the guy was because of a coke that failed to materialize. It just seems way too dramatic to me, all these LS women whom sell themselves like gold on the internet. Where if that were true they'd be picked up in reality for such great qualities many times over. Posting success stories instead of reasons for failure.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 I've been noticing a current trend of women posting about using the online personals. On one hand they speak in a desperate tone, submitting a detailed resume on why they are the greatest catch. As if to sell it to everyone, validating that they are who they think they are. Your confidence and conversation alone should be strong enough to project all this and for any man who genuinely cares to appreciate you for who you are. Otherwise just print out the list of your qualities and submit it during the date in the form of a checklist. Then pass or fail them based on the number they get correct. Back to my main point, women whom are using the personals seem to be thinking prince charming is going to be riding up on his valiant steed with a rose in one hand and a diet coke in the other. Seriously, it was a first date. Different people approach first dates in different ways in terms of who buys, what to do, conversation, behavior, expectations etc. It's not always best to gauge such trivial things after one date. If you did not click, you did not click, end of story. No sense in trying to justify the basis you don't like the guy was because of a coke that failed to materialize. It just seems way too dramatic to me, all these LS women whom sell themselves like gold on the internet. Where if that were true they'd be picked up in reality for such great qualities many times over. Posting success stories instead of reasons for failure. Gawd this has got way outta hand, if you and others had been following the "Potential Red Flag" post the other day about my impending date, it would probably make more sense. I poss should have added the link at the beginning but in my blind panic of wanting to go back to him and not be nasty forgot. The main point was we just didn't connect, the coke and idenifing a plane from its noise at take off where just off puts for me on top of no connection for me. It really doesn't matter, I was the one that was there, I didn't want a white knight on a fiery steed, a prince charming just a man with as many manners as I had. Just what I am looking for, which is fair enough right, we all have what we like and dislike in our potential SO's.
plainoldjared Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Yes I am glad - are you stepping up to the plate??? Lol Oh hey now ;P
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Me letting him down, I didn't feel anything and he just was not for me, and as I offered to buy him a drink he declined, fine, but never offered to buy a drink - oh and we are talking diet coke here not Bollinger. Just yells tight to me. A few other things I just didn't see us gelling at all for a further date. Please read from above...... Didn't feel anything Just not for me The dreaded coke comment A few other things So was not and do not focus or make excuses was just a whole heap of not connecting, doesn't connecting mean with values, interests, life goals etc etc Well one of my values is manners I am not although I like aircraft interested to hear what the make and model of a plane I cannot even see for the 6 walls in between the pub and the runway, is. He wasn't very attractive to me aswell as everything else. This is after all my life we are ripping to pieces here aswell as my personality. Why I have no idea, all I wanted was some help of how to let him down nicely????????????????
Krytie TV Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 It just seems way too dramatic to me, all these LS women whom sell themselves like gold on the internet. Where if that were true they'd be picked up in reality for such great qualities many times over. Posting success stories instead of reasons for failure. I think this is a very good synopsis of the current posting trend about internet dating. It's eerily accurate across the board. Can it really be possible that ALL women posting ads are so great and ALL men responding to them are insensitive bums with no future? I have my doubts, assuredly.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Please read from above...... Didn't feel anything Just not for me The dreaded coke comment A few other things So was not and do not focus or make excuses was just a whole heap of not connecting, doesn't connecting mean with values, interests, life goals etc etc Well one of my values is manners I am not although I like aircraft interested to hear what the make and model of a plane I cannot even see for the 6 walls in between the pub and the runway, is. He wasn't very attractive to me aswell as everything else. This is after all my life we are ripping to pieces here aswell as my personality. Why I have no idea, all I wanted was some help of how to let him down nicely???????????????? I think this is a very good synopsis of the current posting trend about internet dating. It's eerily accurate across the board. Can it really be possible that ALL women posting ads are so great and ALL men responding to them are insensitive bums with no future? I have my doubts, assuredly. We are not talking about the board, create another thread about that perhaps. And this was one guy I am referring too, one not all and everyone I have dated. Gees everyone just back off and remember the original question was...need assistance with letting down date from the other night?.
The Joker Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 The main point was we just didn't connect, the coke and idenifing a plane from its noise at take off where just off puts for me on top of no connection for me. It really doesn't matter, I was the one that was there, I didn't want a white knight on a fiery steed, a prince charming just a man with as many manners as I had. Just what I am looking for, which is fair enough right, we all have what we like and dislike in our potential SO's. Absolutely, if the guy did not work out on many levels to see another date. That is where it should end by telling him thanks for the evening but you don't think it's going to work out. Why drag it on for a future encounter or having to justify if a follow up call/email is self redeeming or not. Leaving him wondering. You should read more into my original post aside from what happened on your date. I am saying right now, if it did not work out on the levels you thought the guy was from the internet. It's cool, don't make a big deal of it, but on the other hand making a big deal over a coke on a first date seems rather dramatic. That said (I by no means agree with what he did) but i'm not comparing apples and oranges here. I'm merely stating that it's trivial stuff when you think about it. If you are a bold chick and like the guy, why not have some fun!? order up some shots, beer. whatever. See if and how he reciprocates to contribute to making the date and subsequent ones FUN! Chivalry should not be bound to how much he opens his wallet on the first date, no more than a woman's being judged on if she opens her legs.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Absolutely, if the guy did not work out on many levels to see another date. That is where it should end by telling him thanks for the evening but you don't think it's going to work out. Why drag it on for a future encounter or having to justify if a follow up call/email is self redeeming or not. Leaving him wondering. You should read more into my original post aside from what happened on your date. I am saying right now, if it did not work out on the levels you thought the guy was from the internet. It's cool, don't make a big deal of it, but on the other hand making a big deal over a coke on a first date seems rather dramatic. That said (I by no means agree with what he did) but i'm not comparing apples and oranges here. I'm merely stating that it's trivial stuff when you think about it. If you are a bold chick and like the guy, why not have some fun!? order up some shots, beer. whatever. See if and how he reciprocates to contribute to making the date and subsequent ones FUN! Chivalry should not be bound to how much he opens his wallet on the first date, no more than a woman's being judged on if she opens her legs. Sex and wallets though are different things. The coke thing was an added comment, and just about manners to me and my values. I would never expect or assume but as I had offered in the first instance, to return the offer to me is just manners. Anyway, I just not very good with the letting someone down, I do have a good heart and felt bad about letting him down. I shouldn't do but its just me, too flippin kind sometimes for my OWN good. Thats why I wanted help with knowing how to respond to his email and letting him down without being harsh cause thats not my bag I don't do tough love, tough talking etc. I wanted to be nice enough to him. This has all just gone woosh from one comment picked out, from about 4-5 comments about the date.
Lyssa Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 This whole thread has just gone out of hand, IMO. Like everyone else on LS, she's just trying to figure herself out. Telling her experience to whoever that wants to read. It's a public forum. Let her write whatever she wants.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 This whole thread has just gone out of hand, IMO. Like everyone else on LS, she's just trying to figure herself out. Telling her experience to whoever that wants to read. It's a public forum. Let her write whatever she wants. Thank you Lyssa. Interesting that the header for this forum as below states about standing on your soapbox and let us know whats going on? Clearly some need to stepback and realise. Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!
latefragment Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I'm surprised people have jumped on you for mentioning the diet coke. Jesus! You're allowed to feel any way you want to, ESPECIALLY because you offered to buy him a coke first. Whatever. I would have been irked myself. Also, StarGazer, I don't see how this is different from the time you were bothered by a mole on the guy's back - the guy you were dating. You said you liked him but the mole was something you didn't think you could deal with, and started a thread asking about gentle ways to suggest him going for removal of the mole. I understand your motivation and a mole would probably bother me too. But, that's not the point: if anything, what happened with you is on the same level as Bigheart being put off by this guy not offering to buy her a drink. I know you ended up breaking up with that guy for reasons of compatibility, etc., but you were very bugged by the mole, and I see it as illogical that you would then have such a strong opinion of Bigheart in this small incident, which is mighty similar to the one you had not so long ago. And again, bigheart, I am with you in feeling that way. You were simply makinig some lighthearted statements about this guy that were *in addition* to what you didn't like about him (namely, you weren't attracted to him!). Personally, the whole drinks thing would have put me off (it was VERY polite of you to offer, he should have done the same) - and I'm a big proponent of 50-50, but even so, it's polite to offer, especially if someone offered first! I would . Second, the airplane thing- I'm a HUGE airplane buff so I would've found that fascinating that he can tell engine sounds, BUT i understand why someone would find it kind of weird and creepy.
The Joker Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Sex and wallets though are different things. Are you so sure about that!? They both involve putting in something and taking it out as well. Kinda like dates give and take all the same.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 I'm surprised people have jumped on you for mentioning the diet coke. Jesus! You're allowed to feel any way you want to, ESPECIALLY because you offered to buy him a coke first. Whatever. I would have been irked myself. Also, StarGazer, I don't see how this is different from the time you were bothered by a mole on the guy's back - the guy you were dating. You said you liked him but the mole was something you didn't think you could deal with, and started a thread asking about gentle ways to suggest him going for removal of the mole. I understand your motivation and a mole would probably bother me too. But, that's not the point: if anything, what happened with you is on the same level as Bigheart being put off by this guy not offering to buy her a drink. I know you ended up breaking up with that guy for reasons of compatibility, etc., but you were very bugged by the mole, and I see it as illogical that you would then have such a strong opinion of Bigheart in this small incident, which is mighty similar to the one you had not so long ago. And again, bigheart, I am with you in feeling that way. You were simply makinig some lighthearted statements about this guy that were *in addition* to what you didn't like about him (namely, you weren't attracted to him!). Personally, the whole drinks thing would have put me off (it was VERY polite of you to offer, he should have done the same) - and I'm a big proponent of 50-50, but even so, it's polite to offer, especially if someone offered first! I would . Second, the airplane thing- I'm a HUGE airplane buff so I would've found that fascinating that he can tell engine sounds, BUT i understand why someone would find it kind of weird and creepy. Thanks for that, I guess some just like to perhaps jump on others when its themselves they perhaps are questioning? And of course not forgetting the guy bought me tickets for my fav comedian - oh yes 1 whole year in advance!! LMAO......I knew this in advance but I thought I will go with an open mind, as i always do anyway.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Mole had an impact on your chemistry you felt huh!! Manners had an impact on my chemistry. It's the same, Well mole, coke, aeroplanes we all have our likes and dislikes. Even you clearly.
Krytie TV Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 This whole thread has just gone out of hand, IMO. Like everyone else on LS, she's just trying to figure herself out. Telling her experience to whoever that wants to read. It's a public forum. Let her write whatever she wants. I don't know if you guys have a "sisterhood" thing going on or what, but I fail to see how the posters responding on this thread have done it any injustice or "jumped all over" the poor defenseless poster. By posting this, the OP opened it up to opinions from others. Yes, my opinion is that expecting him to buy you a diet Coke, and using his failure to do that as a character flaw on his part, is remarkably silly and shallow. That's not the point of the whole thread, but I think this observation is just as valid as any other. The OP was given advice on how to handle her question. Additionally, she was also given perspectives of the details she chose to include and therefore found relevant. Please don't tell everyone they're "freaking out" because they have opinions that differ and try to relay that just as passionately as anyone else does. This isn't a "poor little me" situation... pleeeaase.
Krytie TV Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Mole had an impact on your chemistry you felt huh!! Manners had an impact on my chemistry. It's the same, Well mole, coke, aeroplanes we all have our likes and dislikes. Even you clearly. But the point is quit denying that they had any effect on the chemistry when they did. Don't worry about what others think, own up to your thoughts and beliefs. If his manners affected the level of chemistry, why deny that? That's where the conflict arises. There's no reason not to be honest.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 i did not deny, if fact said above about that Manners is something I find important to chemistry.
Star Gazer Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 One date? One date is a pattern. :lmao::lmao: Seriously if you do not like my threads or posts then just do not respond it really is that simple. "Don't flatter yourself, love." The "pattern" wasn't specifically about you. That said, you have started 29 threads in 9 days, most of which are whining and/or fishing for compliments. If that's a pattern, I suggest you try to break it.
Lyssa Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I don't know if you guys have a "sisterhood" thing going on or what, but I fail to see how the posters responding on this thread have done it any injustice or "jumped all over" the poor defenseless poster. By posting this, the OP opened it up to opinions from others. Yes, my opinion is that expecting him to buy you a diet Coke, and using his failure to do that as a character flaw on his part, is remarkably silly and shallow. That's not the point of the whole thread, but I think this observation is just as valid as any other. The OP was given advice on how to handle her question. Additionally, she was also given perspectives of the details she chose to include and therefore found relevant. Please don't tell everyone they're "freaking out" because they have opinions that differ and try to relay that just as passionately as anyone else does. This isn't a "poor little me" situation... pleeeaase. No sisterhood going on. I just find it funny that everyone is making this into such a big thing. I would say the same thing if the OP was a man. As always, you give good insights from what I have read around. You have your opinion and so does everyone else. Not trying to offend anyone here.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Oh my even counting!! I wasn't. And really don't like em, don't let them get you so hot up, just ignore them.
Star Gazer Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I've been quite impressed with the objectivity in your posts lately. Not that you care, but good for you... Thanks, PP. But it's always easier to give advice than to take my own, that's for sure. That's why I end up seeking out people I've railed on in the past to have them dish it right back!
troutie jr Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 But the point is quit denying that they had any effect on the chemistry when they did. Don't worry about what others think, own up to your thoughts and beliefs. If his manners affected the level of chemistry, why deny that? That's where the conflict arises. There's no reason not to be honest. Good point. No chemistry is the bare bones. Reason enough to not see the guy again. Not offering to buy a drink solidifies he lacks character.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Good point. No chemistry is the bare bones. Reason enough to not see the guy again. Not offering to buy a drink solidifies he lacks character. Yep your totally right. Not offering in return I might add. But the bones of this were to me it just said no manners that on top of what I was already NOT feeling just sealed the deal for me.
BeautifulMusic Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 He couldn't afford to buy you the diet coke because he'd already paid for the tickets a year in advance, duh! Him not offering to buy you a drink was one of a few reasons why the chemistry with this guy wasn't right for YOU. It doesn't matter who thinks it's a valid reason and who doesn't... especially, for that matter, when it's one of several reasons. Maybe if it's something small like this, you give the guy a chance and see if it's a fluke, but if other things are bothering you about him, too, it's a sign of a larger incompatibility! And I think it's great that you were clear with him about not wanting to go out again so there aren't mixed signals. Did he ever reply or did he just leave it alone?
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 He couldn't afford to buy you the diet coke because he'd already paid for the tickets a year in advance, duh! Him not offering to buy you a drink was one of a few reasons why the chemistry with this guy wasn't right for YOU. It doesn't matter who thinks it's a valid reason and who doesn't... especially, for that matter, when it's one of several reasons. Maybe if it's something small like this, you give the guy a chance and see if it's a fluke, but if other things are bothering you about him, too, it's a sign of a larger incompatibility! And I think it's great that you were clear with him about not wanting to go out again so there aren't mixed signals. Did he ever reply or did he just leave it alone? thanks, derh didn't think of it from that angle, hope he has someone else by then he can take though. Although since when did men plan anything in advance more than a week or so I got my own tickets anyway as me and group of girlfriends are going. No I never heard back. I hope he finds someone that gels with him though.
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