Star Gazer Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Star stop being so anal and read what she is writing! You are too quick to judge when you dont even get what the OP said! I would be very put off if a guy didnt offer me a drink on the first date. That would put me off of a guy who I otherwise found attractive. First, I completely understood what she was saying. I know how to read. Secondly, how am I being ANAL by basically stating my opinion that what IS anal is to REQUIRE a guy buy you a drink on the first date? How is not offering a drink a big bad RED FLAG? Explain that one to me. His email to her was proof that he DOES have manners. Sure, it would be nice to be offered a drink, but why is that something that need even be mentioned if she wasn't feeling the guy to begin with? (That said, not offering a drink isn't reason alone to write someone off. The guy didn't accept her offer, perhaps he doesn't DRINK to begin with?) Far too often people come up with lame excuses not to date someone to justify their own guilt for not wanting to continue dating any further. If you're not into someone, you're not into someone - REGARDLESS of whether or not they behaved chivalrously.
Trojan John Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 First impressions on a first date mean everything. It made him seem inconsiderate, whether that was the case or not. How hard is it to simply say, "hey, can I buy you a drink?"
shadowplay Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Lol yeah hun see above ^^^^^^^^ he could also tell a plane model ie. boeing 747, from its noise at take off and decided too tell me. Kinda off putting a little. and no he was not a pilot either....lol why is that off-putting?
Star Gazer Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 First impressions on a first date mean everything. It made him seem inconsiderate, whether that was the case or not. How hard is it to simply say, "hey, can I buy you a drink?" A first MEETING from the internet. He turned down her offer for a drink. There's a reason there. Regardless, I just don't think it's worth whining about.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 First, I completely understood what she was saying. I know how to read. Secondly, how am I being ANAL by basically stating my opinion that what IS anal is to REQUIRE a guy buy you a drink on the first date? How is not offering a drink a big bad RED FLAG? Explain that one to me. His email to her was proof that he DOES have manners. Sure, it would be nice to be offered a drink, but why is that something that need even be mentioned if she wasn't feeling the guy to begin with? (That said, not offering a drink isn't reason alone to write someone off. The guy didn't accept her offer, perhaps he doesn't DRINK to begin with?) Far too often people come up with lame excuses not to date someone to justify their own guilt for not wanting to continue dating any further. If you're not into someone, you're not into someone - REGARDLESS of whether or not they behaved chivalrously. Doesn't drink - what even diet coke???? I don't think you read it all the way through I didn't offer him just an alcoholic drink just another drink as he had almost finished his pint of coca cola!! Didn't write him off just for this, others have read that.
Star Gazer Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 why is that off-putting? Right. See. These "off-putting" things are simply excuses.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 First impressions on a first date mean everything. It made him seem inconsiderate, whether that was the case or not. How hard is it to simply say, "hey, can I buy you a drink?" A soft drink at that
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 Right. See. These "off-putting" things are simply excuses. this is hilarious! so if I find things I don't like about someone and do not connect with them and no chemistry I have to still see them. think what you like, its not an excuse just having a laugh about a date that didn't work out. Chill out
Star Gazer Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 this is hilarious! so if I find things I don't like about someone and do not connect with them and no chemistry I have to still see them. think what you like, its not an excuse just having a laugh about a date that didn't work out. Chill out Did I ever say you need to keep seeing him!??!?!?!?! NO. What I said was (and YOU should go back and read my first response), if that you weren't feeling the chemistry TO BEGIN WITH, that's all the reason you need not to see him anymore. Isn't it? To use lame excuses like "Waaaaaah! He didn't buy me a Coke!" to justify the feeling (or really, lack thereof) you already had is just silly. Why can't you simply own up to the fact you felt no chemistry, and move on with it, and leave the Coke-free nature out of it? By focusing on these silly little excuses (the thread is focused on this silly Coke!) instead of the bigger picture (your desire for chemistry), you'll just end up whining for the rest of your life and picking men apart...and posting threads about posters you perceive to be "mean" when they're just pointing out the obvious.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 Did I ever say you need to keep seeing him!??!?!?!?! NO. What I said was (and YOU should go back and read my first response), if that you weren't feeling the chemistry TO BEGIN WITH, that's all the reason you need not to see him anymore. Isn't it? To use lame excuses like "Waaaaaah! He didn't buy me a Coke!" to justify the feeling (or really, lack thereof) you already had is just silly. Why can't you simply own up to the fact you felt no chemistry, and move on with it, and leave the Coke-free nature out of it? By focusing on these silly little excuses (the thread is focused on this silly Coke!) instead of the bigger picture (your desire for chemistry), you'll just end up whining for the rest of your life and picking men apart...and posting threads about posters you perceive to be "mean" when they're just pointing out the obvious. cause its an open forum where I can put what i like if I so choose as long as within forum rules. Whining....lol If you think that and got all that from one sentance, hardly whining is it. I think you will find the thread is title need help with letting him down also that I felt no connection. Seriously just leave it be, it was my date, I have advised him we will not be going out again and the was no connection.
Krytie TV Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 OK ladies, to your corners. BHKS, What Star is saying is that if you don't feel chemistry with the guy, there's no need to grasp onto all of these little things. Just admit to yourself there's no chemistry and leave it at that. Making a list of reasons that justify (don't know if you're trying to sell yourself or others) not being "into" him is unnecessary and to some degree, makes you sound rather posh. There are pages upon pages of women saying that they have no problem going dutch on a blind date. Then someone does it and some people choose to say that makes him inconsiderate. Some situations are unwinnable. If you paid attention to his email, it sounds like he's going through a money crunch (you don't just "lose" phones... you have them shut off for nonpayment). Maybe he's not inconsiderate, maybe he just doesn't make enough money at the moment. Man, can I relate to that!
fray718 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 By focusing on these silly little excuses (the thread is focused on this silly Coke!) instead of the bigger picture (your desire for chemistry), you'll just end up whining for the rest of your life and picking men apart...and posting threads about posters you perceive to be "mean" when they're just pointing out the obvious. But for some people it's not just about chemistry. Chemistry itself does not make a great relationship imo. I've had great chemistry with guys but if I don't think they are considerate/thoughtful (and yes that includes offerring me a drink on a first date esp after I've offerred them) then I'd move on. How is this a lame excuse? I think it's a valid reason. And for the OP this ON TOP of the lack of chemistry just justifies how he is not the right guy for her. I don't see her as picking him apart as really a guy offering a girl a drink on the first date is indeed a basic dating principal. He doesnt OWE her a drink but him not offering isnt sure gonna win him many brownie points with girls. And you of all people who once preached that guys don't have to call girls after sex and have no obligation, but guys who do NOT really aren't doing themselves any good in the dating dept.....should realize this. :confused:
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Thank you Fray & Krytie I'm just gonna add, I was not making excuses just trying to build a wee picture for my internet friends of how there was not connection (my first and biggest point) but also that I did indeed offer to buy him a drink (coke as thats what he was drinking) when I first arrived. About an hour in, listening to what he was saying and finding out what his interests were and seeing if we did indeed gelling, we finishined our cokes and I sat there for another 45 mins or so empty, I just would have liked him to have offered especially as since his received email clearly says he had a nice evening and would like to have met up again. Surely in that case it is just making a good impression? Anyway was just trying at the end of the day to build a story for those that are onhere and we had discussed previously that I was going on a date, and also before we'd even met about a RED FLAG about buying tickets for a show 1yr in advance, saying I had front row tickets as he had bought them. I went with an open mind anyway to give the benefit of the doubt, was polite and pleasant with the convo but there just was no, how shall we say, "little sparkle" for me. And at the end of the day its my life I can operate it how I choose. Its an open forum so can say things I feel I want to get off my chest also clearly because of being online without spending ages typing out the whole night I was creating a little pic. He did not get hurt, I didn't do a toilet escape on him after an hour and realising that it just wasn't happening for me. Here endeth the story.
Timberlane Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Well, good then. I'm glad you didn't climb out the bathroom window to escape. It is rather small and full of sharp pieces of metal. Since you'll no doubt both have to do this again and also get such let down messages yourself, this should make the next time easier.
peace_pipe Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 All I can say is he'd better be buying you Congnac next time. http://wineandliquorcourier.com/cognac_and_brandies/sku_251.htm Louis XIII !!! :laugh:
peace_pipe Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Did I ever say you need to keep seeing him!??!?!?!?! NO. What I said was (and YOU should go back and read my first response), if that you weren't feeling the chemistry TO BEGIN WITH, that's all the reason you need not to see him anymore. Isn't it? To use lame excuses like "Waaaaaah! He didn't buy me a Coke!" to justify the feeling (or really, lack thereof) you already had is just silly. Why can't you simply own up to the fact you felt no chemistry, and move on with it, and leave the Coke-free nature out of it? By focusing on these silly little excuses (the thread is focused on this silly Coke!) instead of the bigger picture (your desire for chemistry), you'll just end up whining for the rest of your life and picking men apart...and posting threads about posters you perceive to be "mean" when they're just pointing out the obvious. I've been quite impressed with the objectivity in your posts lately. Not that you care, but good for you...
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 All I can say is he'd better be buying you Congnac next time. http://wineandliquorcourier.com/cognac_and_brandies/sku_251.htm Louis XIII !!! :laugh: Yeah now that I would expect someone not too offer up to buy a glass of that! :laugh:
Lyssa Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 BHKS, how did the email go? Did you receive any reply? Hey, you know when Troutie Jr will be back?
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 BHKS, how did the email go? Did you receive any reply? Hey, you know when Troutie Jr will be back? Hey hun Didn't get a response. Trying not too think about it, as I never like giving people not so nice news but had to be done. Troutie Jr, no idea, wonder if that is him in the pic - very handsome jawline!!
peace_pipe Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Yeah now that I would expect someone not too offer up to buy a glass of that! :laugh: It's usually about $85 - $100 a shot. I'm kind of a cheap-ass myself, but I've always wanted to try it. Shots anyone??
troutie jr Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I have to agree that at least offering to buy a drink is a pretty standard dating principle Right on! If a man can't offer to buy a woman a drink, why date?
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 I know it wasn't dinner, it wasn't a show, it wasn't a movie, it was a drink and a soft drink at that, at most £1.50 ($3). Just think you can tell alot about a person, not a man it could be a friend, new friend at work, you can tell alot by their manners, thoughtfullness and of course other things. But it just showed to me either a lack of manners or just lack of thought neither is good even if you found every other quality in the man highly attractive, if he treats you like that from day one, how will it be in a months time, two months time.
Lyssa Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Hey hun Didn't get a response. Trying not too think about it, as I never like giving people not so nice news but had to be done. Troutie Jr, no idea, wonder if that is him in the pic - very handsome jawline!! Just wondering what he has to say about it! Yeah, don't sweat on it, love! Oh hell yeah, what a fine jawline!
plainoldjared Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 But it just showed to me either a lack of manners or just lack of thought neither is good even if you found every other quality in the man highly attractive, if he treats you like that from day one, how will it be in a months time, two months time. Excellent point, now arent you glad you got him out of the way?
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Excellent point, now arent you glad you got him out of the way? Yes I am glad - are you stepping up to the plate??? Lol
Recommended Posts