"Once you go Black, you want to go back!"

[loyalfriend]

Ok--this is so weird, but I really-really wanted to know if there was anyone else out there like me.

 

I'm your typical "white-girl" now.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for over four years, and we have had an amazing ongoing LT relationship.

 

Here's the funny part..He was my first "white-boyfriend"...

 

I use to be such your atypical "white-ghetto-girl", when I was in highschool.

 

I dated "thugs", "gangsa', type of guys, who happened to be black.

 

I never dated a white guy until my current boyfriend, and I must say, I'm happy I made that transition.

 

So the phrase "Once you go BLACK, you never go back" is out...

 

It's now "once you go black, you want to go back"!!!!!

 

I'm not racist by any means, but I have my quirks about "ghetto black guys" who deal drugs and don't take care of their children. Of course, I know that you don't have to be "black" to be a dead beat parent, but statistically speaking, a lot of "daddyless" children belong to a black father.

 

I bring this up, because I am so grateful for meeting my boyfriend.

 

He taught me so much. He loved me for me.

 

Unlike the guys that I dated, they only wanted me for my body.

 

Is there anyone out there who has dated black guys in the past, but went back to white men, because they felt they weren't getting anything out of a black guy? Or did you start dating a white guy and notice your "goals" in life changed? I did, and I'm very proud of myself for getting out of that lifestyle.

 

Please, please don't take offense to this. I have black cousins, which is how I started dating black guys, but to me, the ones that I met were garbage, and cheaters!!

 

[finallyhappyme]

Ok--this is so weird, but I really-really wanted to know if there was anyone else out there like me.

 

I'm your typical "white-girl" now.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for over four years, and we have had an amazing ongoing LT relationship.

 

Here's the funny part..He was my first "white-boyfriend"...

 

I use to be such your atypical "white-ghetto-girl", when I was in highschool.

 

I dated "thugs", "gangsa', type of guys, who happened to be black.

 

I never dated a white guy until my current boyfriend, and I must say, I'm happy I made that transition.

 

So the phrase "Once you go BLACK, you never go back" is out...

 

It's now "once you go black, you want to go back"!!!!!

 

I'm not racist by any means, but I have my quirks about "ghetto black guys" who deal drugs and don't take care of their children. Of course, I know that you don't have to be "black" to be a dead beat parent, but statistically speaking, a lot of "daddyless" children belong to a black father.

 

I bring this up, because I am so grateful for meeting my boyfriend.

 

He taught me so much. He loved me for me.

 

Unlike the guys that I dated, they only wanted me for my body.

 

Is there anyone out there who has dated black guys in the past, but went back to white men, because they felt they weren't getting anything out of a black guy? Or did you start dating a white guy and notice your "goals" in life changed? I did, and I'm very proud of myself for getting out of that lifestyle.

 

Please, please don't take offense to this. I have black cousins, which is how I started dating black guys, but to me, the ones that I met were garbage, and cheaters!!

 

 

 

WOW...where were you meeting them? Honestly I'm not even going to touch on half the stuff you posted but I will say that I have met countless Black men who are intelligent, respectful, goal oriented & AMAZING fathers.

 

I think you just dated 'ghetto' guys girl and now your dating a white 'non-ghetto' person. I really don't think color had anything to do with it.

[norajane]

I dated "thugs", "gangsa', type of guys, who happened to be black.

 

Drug dealing and deadbeat dads are not limited to any particular race. There are plenty of white drug dealers out there, as well as deadbeat dads, as well as cheaters.

 

As you said, your choices in men were very poor, but not because of race.

[gonetildecember]

I agree with the above poster. It was your choice in men, not their colour I think. I've dated both races, and different types.. and I don't think being treated badly or any other the other "issues" you metionned were simply because you were dating a black man.

[loyalfriend]

WOW...where were you meeting them? Honestly I'm not even going to touch on half the stuff you posted but I will say that I have met countless Black men who are intelligent, respectful, goal oriented & AMAZING fathers.

 

I think you just dated 'ghetto' guys girl and now your dating a white 'non-ghetto' person. I really don't think color had anything to do with it.

 

Oh, I totally agree with you. I don't think "color" had anything to do with it either, but after that "stage" in my life, I don't think I'll ever date another black guy.

 

I honestly believe that some black men DO seduce these young-white girls. I was hurt several times in the past.

 

I ran to men when my mother wasn't around, and I slept with older men too.

 

Older "black" men, who knew that I was underage, but didn't care.

 

Some of these men I still see while I'm driving down the road. I live in a big city, but it's never too big to see someone you once slept with.

 

I regret every part of that past, but I know that I am a changed person.

 

Part of me wants to report some of these "men" for sleeping with me, knowing that I was underage, and another part of me just wants to "forget" everything, but it's so hard to forget everything.

 

I have changed in so many ways since five years ago, but no one can completely forget their past.

[sb129]

I don't think you can generalise men by their skin colour.

 

There are white men out there that treat their women like dirt, and there are black men out there who treat their women like queens.

 

I am really happy that you found a nice BF, but I think you are asking for trouble starting a thread like this, because skin colour is only one aspect of the guys you are describing..

 

Maybe you should just be happy that your taste in men improved, you could just as easily have met a great black guy that could have fulfilled your criteria.

[loyalfriend]

I've thought about doing volunteer work for schools. Going out to talk to young girls about what they could get by sleeping with different men. I think I could really influence highschoolers, because I have been through it firsthand.

 

I was very lucky to get out the life I was leading, because I would probably be an uneducated mother if I kept going down that road.

 

I know that it has nothing to do with the black men, but can you understand why I have some resentment? I don't "hate" black men, but I was used and sometimes abused by some of these men I thought were "good" for me.

 

I know that it was my choice to "sleep" with these men, but I was manipulated into doing it, and these men were always hitting on me.

 

I was getting attention and it was great!! I never got attention at school or hate home, so I turned to the streets.

 

I had a rough time, now that I look back on it.

 

But then, it didn't seem "that bad", but now, I am so ashamed.

 

Thing is, these guys could've backed away when I told them how old I was. I wasn't the type of person to lie about my age.

 

I just had to get that off my chest. It's been bothering me for so long.

 

My boyfriend doesn't know about my promiscuous past, and I don't think he would care. I was his first girlfriend ever, so we he doesn't have "exes" to talk about, and I always use to tell him I don't want to talk about the past, because the past is the past.

 

Just so you all know.

 

Before I became involved with my boyfriend, I got checked for STD's, had my blood done and I was good to go. I wouldn't have jeopardized his body for my mistakes.

 

Since then, I get a pap smear once a year, and I am as healthy as a bee!

 

I'm just such a lucky person to come out of my past in good condition.

 

Becaues I know there are other girls out there who have to deal with

deadbeats dads, and diseases, and so much more.

 

The only reason that I'm not volunteering is because I don't want my boyfriend to find out about my past.

 

It's all very embarrassing and hurtful too me.

[sb129]

Well, your philanthropic (sp?) attitude is commendable, however, I still think you have a slightly warped sense of right vs wrong, and I certainly would object if you were telling my high school daughter not to sleep with black men.

 

You aren't the only person to go through this, and you won't be the last.

Women have been promiscuous and sleeping with bad guys since the beginning of time....

 

I suspect your guy may be less than thrilled to hear about your past, but to be honest, its in the past, so why not leave it there and look to the future??

[sb129]

I can't believe that in this day and age some people still generalise people by the colour of their skin.

 

I know its very idealistic to hope that they don't, but really, there are some white people out there that I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, to say "I only date white men" is ridiculous, there are scum of all races.

 

What is your "typical white girl"??? There are hundreds of different types of white girl.

 

Paris Hilton: spoiled pampered whitegirl

Cate Blanchett: classy smart actress whitegirl

Britney Spears: off the rails whitetrashgirl

Hillary Clinton: presidential candidate highly educated whitegirl

Marie Curie: Nobel Prize winning whitegirl

[sIZE=-1]Aileen Wuornos: psycho killer whitegirl.

sb129s mom: greatest mom in the world whitegirl

 

Get my drift?

[/sIZE]

[loyalfriend]

Look, I didn't mean to come off in that way. I"m not racist..and I apologize to anyone who has taken offense to this.

 

I just simply wanted to share with other people. I have never said this to anyone before, not even my own family.

 

For the last poster, I'm sorry, but I refuse to answer such immature questions. If I were to go and volunteer, I wouldn't dive head in saying "don't date black men". Like I restated, any guy can be a scumbag, but it's the ones who take advantage of these young girls who deserve, who knowingly sleep around with younger girls who should face some consequences.. However, we all know that most of these scumbags get away with their garbage ways, because these young girls out there are naive and have nowhere else to run.

 

So I thought that maybe one day I could get out there and talk to some girls who were like me at that age, and tell them what else is out there, besides drugs, sex, and violence.

 

Since we know that these "men" are getting away with this kind of behavior, why not go to these young teens who are falling into these traps and helping them become stronger and more educated.???

 

I thought that that is what I would do.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

oh, i know exactly how you feel. i dated a guy with black hair, and he was soooooooo lazy. i will never date a guy with black hair again, no way. you couldn't pay me to. even if i met a perfect man that was totally unlike the other black-haired guys i dated, who swept me off my feet and treated me amazingly and i fell in love with him, no way. i'll go find myself a brilliant blonde before i sink to that level again.

 

 

[gonetildecember]

OP

It's all well and good that you want to do counselling, and it is a good idea to educate girls about the dangers of sleeping around, drugs, std's etc.. but the fact that you singled out a particular race... and geared your original post at them implying that they were the cause of your past problems is what I think other posters think is wrong.

 

Although it happened to be black men that treated you like this, it can happen from any race, age, etc. You can say they manipulating or coersed you, but you also made choices. It is very good you have found someone you are happy with and are now living a safer life, and have what you consider to be a healthy relationship, but I don't think black men were the cause of your past problems.

 

You can find ****ty men of any race. You can also find great men of any race.

 

deadbeats, abusers, users, promiscuity are not synonymous with black men only, or any race for that matter. I do understand that you are happy you are in a better relationship now.. but I think your initial post/the way you geared you argument was a little insulting to black men.

[sb129]

 

For the last poster, I'm sorry, but I refuse to answer such immature questions. .

 

I didn't ask you any "immature" questions.

Do you not understand "irony" at all?

You;re the one who said you were a "typical white girl", I was simply asking you to clarify what you meant by that, seeing as I didn't think there was such a thing.

 

The fact you think they are 'immature questions' just confirms to me that you are not mature enough to be talking to young, impressionable girls, however much you may think you are.

 

If you were to go and volunteer, you would have to follow a strict protocol, and its not the kind of thing you can just show up for and go "Hi, I had a bad experience, lemme tell you about it, don't make the same mistakes I did."

 

You would be better off donating some money to Womens Refuge or the NSPCC if you want to make a valuable contribution. Or join a mentoring/ buddy system (which requires you to go through some training).

[sally4sara]

I too, don't think I want you at my child's school explaining why you will never date another black man.

 

And I would have more respect for your original post if you were still standing your ground on how you feel. Back peddling after your post isn't well received just makes it worse to me. I prefer my racist peers to be militant and easily recognizable rather than quick to recant so the can go back to their more subtle discriminations. Please tell me you aren't responsible for hiring/firing, loaning money, or care giving for the general public.

[sb129]

Thank you Sally4Sara and Gonetil december. I wholeheartedly agree.

[Cobra_X30]

Do you guys realize she is talking about a cultural difference?

 

Dont mistake race and culture! She stated early on that these guys were "ghetto". I think she and any other person has the absolute right to disagree and disassociate themselves from cultures they dont like or approve of!

 

Open eyes, Open ears. You cant hear what someone is saying if you start judging too early!

[sb129]

Yes, she was, and we all get that.

 

However, the blanket way in which she used the terms "black" and "white" made her post seem shallow, immature and bigoted, and I am not surprised that some people took offense to that.

 

If you want to get a point across that touches on such a sensitive subject, there are better ways to do it.

 

Thats what most of the replies on this thread are saying.

[Cobra_X30]

Yes, she was, and we all get that.

 

However, the blanket way in which she used the terms "black" and "white" made her post seem shallow, immature and bigoted, and I am not surprised that some people took offense to that.

 

If you want to get a point across that touches on such a sensitive subject, there are better ways to do it.

 

Thats what most of the replies on this thread are saying.

 

She made enough qualifying statements that I understood what she meant. I can tell you did also.

 

I kind of take offense to poeple who are so politically correct they cant allow other's to have an opinion.

 

Fact is, Ghetto culture sucks! There are tons of kids black, white, latino, and asian buying into it right now. Rap music peddles that culture like its something cool. Listen to some of the african american leaders talk about it. This culture and midset has literally ruined a generation and a half of children in the african american community!

 

Its poison, and we all know the image that is portrayed with it! So if this woman wants to reject that culture, and uses that image to do so. Who are we to take offense to that!

 

We have no right!

[gonetildecember]

I understand what you're saying cobra.. I have no issue with her now "seeing the light" about her past mistakes and her involvement with that "ghetto culture" but the fact that she used black men and ghetto/deadbeat/abusers/drug users as synonymous in a sense is what I think people had issue with.

 

I can totally see the issue with the whole culture and how it had negative effects on her, but much as she has an issue with that cultural mentality and actions of people who are apart of it, you can also find drug users/abusers/deadbeat dads and bad men who aren't what some would consider "ghetto".

 

I definetly see her argument and I'm very happy that she is living a safer life, and as she put it has different goals and is in a happy relationship, but what I think the other posters were commenting on, was the fact that her post was geared at "black men" as if the issue is only associated with them... just look at the title of the post!

[sb129]

I am not so politically correct she can't have an opinion, and I happen to agree that the glamourisation of ghetto culture sucks.

 

I should know, I work in one, and now it is getting darker earlier, I am re-thinking my route home.

 

But the people that I see at work are black, white, asian, muslim, whatever, and I just think that the OP could have worded her post a bit better.

 

I think its great she has found a great guy, but he could have just as easily been a great black guy, or she could have been treated badly previously by white guys, I just knew the kind of responses she was going to get, and wanted to help her see that.

 

I was actually trying to be funny a few times, but I guess my dry SOH got lost somewhere in the racism argument.

 

Peace to all and to all a goddnight, I am going to bed.

[sally4sara]

Rejecting the worst a specific group has to offer is fine. She has trouble articulating this is any helpful way. Till she is able to logically state her opinion, her wish to go around telling her opinion to school children is going to do more damage than good. The fact that she was unable to do this in the first place and proudly announced she would never date another black man is a part of bigotry. Not all bigots are hateful about their views. Just ignorant. It is the mere fact that they jump to a sweeping statement that is the telling factor. They may be able to understand that not every person in that group fits their view, but they feel that enough of them do to not feel compelled to distinguish the difference.

Cobra, I must ask you what atmosphere you grew up in? I grew up in a ghetto; I am a white girl. I may sound articulate or educated....

but sho as sh*% I can flip my diction and not front about it when I hang with old friends. I enjoy rap music, prefer spoken word artists over gangstas. My white trash neighbors clashed constantly with my ghetto neighbors. And they were all the same either way no matter the skin color. White jerks deadbeating their kids and druggin just as prettily as the black jerks. I saw all this and know what difference you are hollerin about. And frankly, I felt the white trash folk were worse than the ghetto folk.

 

I am still offended by OP's post.

[Road Rage]

Let`s get Reverend Jackson on this one. Al Sharpton won`t be too far behind I`m sure:laugh:

[sally4sara]

Let`s get Reverend Jackson on this one. Al Sharpton won`t be too far behind I`m sure:laugh:

 

My friend uses an obviously broken cell phone that he refers to the "Black Phone" instead of the "Bat Phone". Whenever someone is wondering if something is racist or if something would bother a black person, he whips it out and starts calling Jesse and Al.

[jcster]

Dont mistake race and culture! She stated early on that these guys were "ghetto". I think she and any other person has the absolute right to disagree and disassociate themselves from cultures they dont like or approve of!

 

OK...that's some serious semantic gymnastics there. The OP started out with black=ghetto, I certainly wouldn't apologize for her.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

oh, please. i'm hardly pc and even i found it childishly disturbing.