I can't stop crying. He let me go to "explore his options"?

[Heartbrokenprincess]

My ex did not say those exact words to me, but I can read between the lines.

 

We were together for about 2 years. I was his first love and he was mine. For the first year and a half, things were amazing. Sure we had our ups and downs, but who doesn't?

 

We shared a bond that was incredibly strong, and he told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and that no other woman could compare. We even discussed marriage after college. We both transferred to new schools (which were still very close...not long distance) and he began to recieve ALOT of attention from females that he had never really gotten before. He became really flirtatious and even had girls calling as late as 1am! We argued about this, but he said they were only friends. Things started to get better with us, but about a month ago, I found out that he kissed someone else. I was devastaed, and I broke up with him. We got back together, but then he tells me that he is confused about what he wants right now.

 

He says he knows he loves me and always will. He just doesn't want to ever make the mistake of cheating again. He says ultimately he wants to be able to give me everything because he knows that's what I deserve, but he's not sure he can handle a serious relationship right now.

 

He says he really wants to try and establish a friendship because he doesn't want me out of his life, but I don't think I can do that right now. I am in a very confused state because I feel that if he really loved me, then he would simply be with me and put his lust aside. Am I right or wrong?

 

(I'd also like to add that about 2 months before we ended it, I told him that due to the excessive flirting, I felt that he wanted to date other people. He swore up and down numerous times that it wasn't true and that he loved me and only me.....why would he do this now?)

12 hours ago

 

I ultimately feel that if you TRULY love someone, you accept them, flaws and all (I accepted A TON of his), and don't go looking for someone else. I am deeply hurt because I feel that he's been lying to me all along.

 

(He is 21 and I am 20).

 

Is it possible for him to truly love me and let me go for this, or does he not love me at all?

[ninjaturtles]

6 weeks ago, my boyf and I split...you asked a question, with regards to how possible it is to leave some1 you love?

 

I wish I knew the answer to that, maybe a guy could help us out. This is because I am going through a similar experience..we split 6 weeks ago so obviously i am not in as much pain as you are right now.

 

Up till today, I dont know the reason why we split, but he was going to grad school in a new city full of beautiful girls etc for one year so my friends think that perhaps he wanted to be free.

 

I can imagine how hurt you are, but he was honest with you...he does not want to cheat on you, he wants to be free and is not ready for commitment. Its hard, but a lot of guys would not admit this, he gave you closure.as painful as it is.

 

Sometimes i guess men just want to explore...see what's out there...you have been together for 2 years and you say he has been getting lots of female attention...he simply does not want commitment as he said to you.

 

Its painful cos you wonder to yourself..'how can someone leave me because he wants to be explore'? Doesnt he love me enough? I dont know the answer to that..all i know is that if i loved someone i would want to be with that person, no matter what....but we are females..maybe we should ask the males?

 

I dont know what to say to you right now because you must be so hurt and pained..i was this was 6 weeks ago,all i can advice you to do is keep limited contact with him..You cant be close friends with him just yet,its too soon and it would hurt you too much....

 

Also, you cant stand around waiting for him to come bacjk..God knows i hate if when people say 'move on', cos this time 6 weeks ago, i DIDNT want to move on? I thought to myself..'where am i moving on to'? Life did not make sense..nevertheless, the bitter truth is thats what you have to do..

 

 

Breakups are part of life...they are inevitable...I have been through 3 major breakups. The 1st time i was the dumper, the other 2 times i got dumped...the hurt/pain-->terrible!

But such islife.....At least your boyfriend shows that he cares for you, he tells you he loves you and he gave you his totally honest answer..My ex behaves like a total stranger to me...You know, i never belived my ex would treat me this way, i thought i could never be a victim this way, I thought these things happened only to other people not to me, but the last few weeks, have been thorough....It does get better though but you need to allow time.

 

Sweetheart, I know right now you are in a lot of pain, you may also blame yourself, wonder whta you did wrong, wonder if you caused him to make this decision..the truth is with a healty relationship, comes demands...and as long as you did not do anything out of the ordinary, the demands you made from your ex are simply demands any woman would make from her boyfriend...If he left because of those demands, then it just points to the fact that he was not ready for full commitment now..that had nothing to do with you, it has to do with his state of mind, what he wants..so pls dont blame yourself( I came across a post talking about blame).

 

Sometimes they say if you love something, let it go and if it comes back, its truly yours. Well i belive that..cos its happened to me. Thats another story anyway.

 

So sweetheart, cry and feel sad...talk to friends...mourn cos you are going through a loss, a very painful one, but if its meant to be and he loves you, you never know what may happen after some time.

 

I personally believe that if you love someone, you stay with the person , but mabe guys are different?

 

Eitherway, pls read a lot of threads on thi site, with regards handling breakups etc. You cant be his friend now, it will only hurt you .

 

Please take it easy, mourn , and talk to people, time will heal wounds..you dont believe it but its true! Its very very true...now , its too early to start telling you to move on, cos you only just split 24hrs ago, so mourn the loss now, talk to people but with time...you will start to heal....

 

 

its so hard,i know...but we all here have been through this. Hugs.xxx

[lexi29]

You are very insightful and seem to have a handle on things. You realize that he left because he wants to keep his options open. Being that you are his first love and he's at a new school and receiving all this attention from other females he probably wants to see what else is out there as all this unexpected attention is exciting to him. I believe he truly did love you and may still have some residual feelings for you now but he's being selfish wanting to keep you in his life as a friend while he goes off exploring other relationships. I would totally cut him out of your life if you can. Go no contact-it hurts like hell but it will actually help after a month or so. Give him all the time and space and maybe he will miss you and come back. And if he doesn't, the space will give you room to meet new people and maybe even a great guy. I know you probably aren't even thinking about that now and wonder how you could ever love anyone else- I know I"ve been there.

 

You are right- if he loved you and wanted to work on things he would overcome his lustful feelings for others and dedicate himself to the relationship. But it sounds like he's made up his mind and he wants to end things so he can date others. Just take comfort in the fact he will probably never find any as good as you were to him.