ninjaturtles Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Its been 6 weeks since my boyfriend told me he was not 'willing to work out anything with me at the moment' .(This was after we had been on a break for 2 weeks). I woke up this morning and for some reason, I started blaming myself! It seems as if the time apart has made me forget the pain i suffered whilst he was ignoring me etc, whilst he was treating me like a stranger( days prior to our breakup)..and now it seems as if I overreacted in certain circumstances, it seems as if I could have handled things better.... However, I never felt this way until this week...Is it because I am less emotional now or what? This is confusing..... A brief summary of what im trying to explain..whilst he was abroad for 3 weeks, (b4 we broke up),I didnt even expect to hear from him much. However the 1st 3 days, he would call me , stay in touch etc...After 3 days, he started behaving distant to me, stopped contacting me unless i contacted him, he would go on facebook and talk to other people there but not message me etc. I kept on asking what was wrong, but he kept on saying 'nothing'. I even composed a speech one time, asking him what the problem was,telling him that our relationship meant a lot to me, he would just say 'nothing'. When he was ill for a few days, I was the one calling him to find out if he was ok. Once, I called him and we were talking...he reacted to something i said in a very odd way..he sounded impatient that day. Very odd behaviour.(note he was still abroad) plus whilst he was abroad, he was not busy or anything, all he did was stay home or go clubbin , whislt his parents went to work. So him being busy was no excuse. Finally, one night, I signed into msn and typed something to him. He didnt respond but it showed that there was music playing, so i called him and he said he was not by his laptop, he was falling asleep. I asked him to briefly come on msn, cos i was frantic that night..for whatever reason, maybe cos i was shocked at how distant he had become over the course of 2 weeks! (For crying out loud, before he left to see his parents, everything was wonderful!) Nevertheless, he was to start grad school in a NEW city when be returned to the UK( sept 2007) so i always wondered if he would get carried away as he was supposed to start grad school in is a lovely city, full of nice clubs and beautiful women. (He is supposed to be there for just one year, sept 2007 to june 2008) Anyway he came on msn.I asked him on msn what the problem was,I spoke put my heart that night on msn. I said stuff to him such as 'he was not treating me like his better half', 'he was not making me feel alone when i was not alone', 'he was not reassuring me when i asked him what was wrong, he was giving me an attiude, he was just saying 'nothing when i asked what was wrong' etc,(this was all on msn) i even asked him if he wanted a break'. All he wrote was 'your ****ing overreacting' and then he signed off msn', i felt so stupid and stunned cos normally he is a sensitive guy. But now he didnt seem to even care that i was hurt etc. He didnt contact me for 2 days, so i sent him a text to say hello and thats when he sent me a text saying we needed a break'. I then called him, trying to find out what the problem was etc, I gues that pushed him away. At 1st he said he wanted a break cos we argue too much, then later on he said 'it was not me, it was him' and that he did not know what had come over him etc., he then said 'he was not happy and it was complicated'. He was not happy? wow I tried to talk to him, i should have let me be,(BAD MOVE) and ignored him but all these emotions. I even wrote him a long email mentioning all the 'possible' problems and how we could work them out, but he simply replied..' everything cannot be changed in one day' . I was thinking to myself..'wtf...we dont even have problems, we argued sometimes but nothing major...nothing at all'. So where was this change coming from'?'. I guess he simply just wanted out and thus was not bothered. He then returned to UK, and was still very indecisive. I felt so hurt and the past 2 weeks he had put me through hell, saying a lot of mean things to me eg, he did not care if i went on dates with other guys , he did not know if he wanted to be with me,etc. Basically showing no care for me....I kept on asking what the problem was? I asked him if i had done anything to him...he didnt have any answers for me...he just kept on saying i could do whatever i wantd etc. I asked him if we were going to get back after the break and he said 'he does not not know'. He was just so indecisive...like i was a piece of trash. I asked him if there was anyone else in the picture, he said there wasnt. When he got back, he didnt even come and see me(as planned...he was supposed to come to my house from the airport)..He wouldnt even come and see me to talk face to face!. I called him when he got in, we spoke for a bit and told me he would call me back. He never did, but hopped onto the train the next morning to his new city (about 3 and a half hours away from me) I called him 2 days later asking him if he wanted to work things out or split and he said he could not work anything out now. Thats how we split, we havnt seen eachother since he travlled abroad when we were together. He avoided seeing me when he got back. Some of my friends say that he probably wanted his space as he was going to a new city..for a year, maybe he wanted to enjoy the city and girls.etc. But I think to myself, 'we had always discussed this, it was an not an issue(i mean his moving to a new city, although its a bit far away from where i am....3- 3.5 hrs)..Nevertheless, we had discussed this and it was never an issue. The thing is he was sensitive to my feelings when we were together and nice to me, sometimes sweet so it makes things harder..cos i wonder to myself..'how could he change so drastically' Did i do something bad to him'? If he was horrid to me, it would have been easier to just look away and say..'i could do better anyway', but he was really nice to me (Although sometimes he showed me his darkside..lol..but not very often) Why im i thinking about all this 6 weeks later? Why im i over-analysing and actually blaming myself. Thinking about every tiny thing i could have done which could have angered him? Why im i wishing i had never spoke my mind to him that night on msn....maybe i was overreacting? But then is there anything wrong in telling my boyf how you felt after he had neglected me...? Perhaps I wish i had not given him an excuse to use against me. Cos when he told me we argue too much, my mind went back to night he signed off msn...Maybe if i had refrained from saying anything, we may have been together? I know i was not perfect, neither was he but was i wrong in telling him the things i said to him via msn (i.e that he was not treating me like his better half etc). Im starting to question everything i did...starting to forget the good things i did and forget the bad things he did... Nevertheless, these things sound so trivial...as i never in dwelt on them in the past. Yes i analysed alot within the past 5 weeks, but now im stating to think about every single thing, even irrelavant things.. I would appreciate your opinions pleaseee I feel so horrible this morning
wowIlose Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Funny how I felt out of it this morning myself.. I think he didn't give you proper closure. The fact he was moving to a new city has something to do with the break up. I can't tell you for sure though. All I know is that dwelling on the past gets us nowhere.. I still do it but I try to stop myself. Still your mind will always wander and next thing you know hes back in your head. Last night when I was sleeping I was actually talking to myself saying "get the **** out of my head, iam trying to sleep now". lol how sad.. But yea just focus on the future, I am trying and I know I have so long to go before this feeling is gone. It sucks when it seems like your getting better than out of nowhere you feel worse... I guess its all a matter of time. Continue to improve on yourself and sooner or later (hopefully soon) you will be fine.
Author ninjaturtles Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 lol@ talking to yourself...i could start with that u know Yea i think thats the problem...no closure....drastic change within a span on 2weeks..maybe he was trying to make me break up with me by becomin distant....the games boys play. And you;re right..if he didnt move to that city, therez noooo wayyyy we would be this way now...the new city is a bit far away and its like being in vegas..(kind of..lol..its on its own..the fun, hype, student life etc) I remember once b4 he travelled, i was saying to him that it would be nice if we visited eachother every2 weeks etc..and he was like he cannot make any fixed arrangement cos things may crop up and he wont want to dissapoint me etc. (In my mind i was a bit suprised..i mean seeing 2ce a month, 2 weekends a month)... I told him that if something came up, he could always change plans bus he was not down with it. I see his friends making silly joks about the chics (in his new city)..Soemtimes i see his wallposts talking about how cool the city is etc. He must be having fun..but i have a question for u...I hope i dont sound pathetice!!(lol)...... As a guy, so you think maybe after while, maybe even nextyr, when the hype of being in a newcity dies down, he may start to miss me. I sound do silly.lol.....he send me a text 3 weeks ago saying that the reason why he hadnt contacted me was cos it wud be harder for us to move on bla bla..but i didnt bother to reply...hope not rude of me. Anyway, im just wondering if perhaps maybe even at the end of his school year, he may actually calm down after getting used to the attention. Im so silly...but i jus want to hear from a boy's point of view..lol. Thanx.
Author ninjaturtles Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 I meant 'do u think' NOT 'so you think'
wowIlose Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Its possible, but its possible he might not. There really is no way to say, thats why its important to move on so you don't hold on to any false hope. We are all human though so we'll always be holding on to a little bit of hope before it really kicks in.. except for caliguy, hes not human, hes a robot
Spinderella Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 You can see behaviours in yourself that you could change, but, without blaming yourself. You may have let your insecurity take you over. BUT if a relationship is so fragile that it cannot survive a small amount of insecurity, then its not really a good relationship at all is it? I dont know about you, but, I prefer a relationship with a guy who doesnt run away when theres a problem, but is willing to communicate about it.
Author ninjaturtles Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 wowIlose- lol@caliguy joke.haha..i find the quotes really good though..only that human behaviour is not scientific..we feel.:-p Sprinderella- thankx.you're right. You may have let your insecurity take you over. BUT if a relationship is so fragile that it cannot survive a small amount of insecurity, then its not really a good relationship at all is it? Its sad that its over over something so trivial...acually..i know its over cos of other factors...at some point, it seemed as if he was acually confused..trying to decide if he should be with me or not, weighing up single life in vegas V having a commited relationship.lol..i know i was insecure as well, need to work on that but trust me, i did give him his space etc. Infact he was the one who would not talk to me for a whole day because i was on the phone at night to a good male friend of mine.those kind of things. Anyway, i guess i wouldnt want to be in a relationship where i was stepping on eggshells etc Ok..so moving on it shall be.xx
wmrjw82 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I dont know about you, but, I prefer a relationship with a guy who doesnt run away when theres a problem, but is willing to communicate about it. Well atleast there's one girl out there. I just about gave up hope. :D
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