someone...tell me I did nothing wrong here-feel like I'm going mad...

[Dear Lady Disdain]

Hi everyone...

 

I was with someone for six months who turned out to be quite psychologically abusive and sadistic. I broke up with him and then five months later I had a course on at the college and it coincides with his lectures. So NC broken by me. I went and said hello and asked if he was okay. Brief conversation. End of the night, he is outside my classroom talking to someone. I thought nothing of it and walked home. He trails me in his car that night.

 

Foolishly next week I approach him in the canteen. He says "we'll speak soon". I hear nothing so next week I ignore him. He appears in the doorway as I am leaving but I go home, mad at him. Next week he's waiting outside the college. I just want to reconcile at this point and I knock on his car window and say "can I speak to you a moment." I tell him I don't hate him and he offers me a lift home. At the end of the drive I say thanks and kiss him on the cheek. He says he'll "speak to me soon".

 

As predicted I hear nothing and then I see him in the town pursuing a young blonde female student. He's always pursuing young girls it seems. So I walk past him with a look of contempt and say "alright?". I can't help it. He did the same thing with me and my feelings felt hurt. I also just thought, "nothing has changed" He was making out he was different. I decide to have nothing to do with him at this point. I've been approaching him to no avail. No text, no call...

 

So next week I go to college and enjoy it and at the end of the night I go my own way and call on a friend who is not in. I cannot believe it when I am walking home and his car is parked outside tescos and he's looking at me. I walk towards it and he promptly drives off. Then he circles round the block and I see him again as I'm walking towards the hill. He looks over and sees me looking. What on earth is this! It felt quite scary. What did he do it for?

 

I was so angry at this point by everything I called him up near midnight to ask why the hell he followed me around like that. But it went to voicemail and I left no message. He hasn't returned the call.

 

Someone just tell me, I gave him no reason to do this did I? I wasn't cruel? Since I had no text or no call I assumed that was that then and it was over. Then suddenly he's acting like a stalker! It was as if he was taunting me for ignoring him and not begging for a lift. Or making me feel bad for rejecting him. I know I have no reason to be jealous of seeing him with this girl because we broke up but I was weak and I felt hurt.

 

I thought he had changed and was even considering reconciliation. But when I saw him with this young student it just made me change my mind. He knows that is why I went home alone, but I'm justified aren't I? It just disgusted me a bit, the way he befriends all his young students and he is 44. He pretends to be such a nice guy when really he is into sadism.

 

He spent all his time with other women and made me feel utterly worthless, though (and I'm not being vain here) I am quite sought after and I'm quite pretty and smart and most of all, I'm not twisted and would never hurt anyone else deliberately like him.

 

I am just looking for some reassurance here...my mind feels a bit messed up. Please help. Sorry this post resembles a novel.

 

Love x