Chiquita27 Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Hello!!! My story is somewhere here in a previous thread. I felt like writing what's happening now. My ex and I were together for a year and about a month ago he broke up with me because according to him he was having emotional issues that he had to solve....he asked for space and although that was a heartbreaker for me...I gave it to him. I thought of going on total NC then...but he would always make a phone call or send a text message.....and we ended up seeing eachother a few times after the break up....each time he would tell me he missed me and that he was working on his issues.....we even slept together once...... One day he called and we were talking and he mentioned he had gone out with someone......it turned out, he had gone on a few dates with this person already.....and he seemed to like her a lot. Knowing this really upset me because I thought he had asked for space to be with himself and work on his issues, and finding out that he had done it just to be able to play the field without feeling guilty really got to me. I gave him a piece of my mind and thought he would leave me alone after that. He didn't....he wants us to be friends...he claims that he wasn't seeing this person while he was with me.......but I don't really believe him, I think he met her when he was still with me and he liked her and since she probably liked him back he decided to break up. I don't really trust him anymore. I have made it clear to him that I need my space away from him.....but he still makes the random calls.....he only calls to tell me about his life.........when I try to tell him how I'm doing he wants to hang up.....it really annoys me. I've decided not to pick up the phone anymore...........he thinks that taking that attitude is stupid.....but I think it's what I need to do to be able to move on. It hurts me to hear him all happy and cheery about his new life meanwhile I'm trying my best to pick up the pieces of me that were left after him and build up my confidence and self-esteem. It truly hurts me that he doesn't see my point of view. I have a really hard time sleeping......I dream about him a lot.......and wake up in the middle of the night and I can't go back to sleep. I hope this goes away soon............. Is it a bad thing that I have resentment towards him right now?
ninjaturtles Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Of course its normal you have resentment towards him. You say he may have broken up with you, because of this other girl..of course you would feel resentful. Im sorry for the way you're feeling, you need to stop picking up his calls. You need to cut contact from him , as often as you can...inorder not to hinder your growth. I guess it will be hard not to pick up his calls, but you are hurt enough as you are now and besides he likes someone else, so he should just do his thing and let you get on with your life.... It will go away, dont worry. Time and determination.. I know that feeling, im tired of feeling sad and upset..I just want to feel nothing for my ex....I wonder if i will put myself out there..not anytime soon.had enough. Anyway, stay strong, and cut contact with him, its only hindering your growth etc.xxxx
Author Chiquita27 Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 Thanks for your kind words ninja... I feel like I question his motives all the time....I feel like he only tries to be my friend because he feels guilty.......or he just calls to rub on my face that he's doing so much better without me. I always wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but I have realized how manipulative he can be. It's true what you say about not letting me grow.......I think he wants to make sure he will always have his little security blanket with me.....since he knows how much I care for him....... I feel used
Lee725 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 It seems ike he might be keeping contact with you so he can come running back when it does not work out with her any longer. If he was sure of where he was at with her he would not be contacting you because he would not want to do anything to upset her. There might be some people that will disagree with me on this, but his relationship with this new girl might not be a rosy as it seems and he is keeping you as a fall-back.(i am sorry that does sound horrible). i dont think he is doing it because he feels guilty, if he was happy he would not feel guilt for what he has done. You said that he wants to hang up the phone when you start to talk about you. To me that means that he is only interested in making sure that you are available to him and answering the phone will re-inforce this. Try stepping back for a while, NC is really hard and not answering the phone when it rings is really hard. The 1st couple of times you hang up the phone without answering it, you will probably feel like you are doing the wrong thing, but you can turn that feeling into one of empowerment. After a while when you dont answer the phone, you might start to get the feeling of "NO! - i am not here at your beck and call"... i am going through this right now, with an ex of a long time ago. Show him that you are strong without him (even tho inside you may not feel that way) and show him that you deserve respect and you respect yourself. If it does not work out with this new girl, he might try again then, but in the mean time gain strength in yourself, so that if this does happen you will know the what to do (whether you want to try again or not).
underpants Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 The next time he calls. Pick up and answer laughing. Say you really can't talk now because ....David/John or some other generic male name is over. Then just say goodbye and hang up. Then refrain from picking up his calls after.
cant let go Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 it is understandable for you to feel hurt and unable to trust your ex's intentions. from what you have said it seems that you were probably your ex's best friend in your relationship or at the very least he felt very comfortable confiding in you. there was something that caused him to leave your relationship; don't believe that it was necessarily this girl. while this girl may be there now, and there could have been something unconsciously developing while you were still together, it is not necessarily true that he broke up with you simply to pursue a new relationship. he is likely going through a very confused time and he is so used to you being the one that he shares with that it is natural for him to want to call you. what you need to decide is whether or not you want to have your ex in your life. would you want to hold on to him even if he was only your friend? if so, you may just need to be straight with him. tell him that you are going through a tough time and that you just need some space to get over your feelings for him. if he truly cares about you, even if only as a friend, he will grant you this space. dealing with this situation with anger and resentment, although natural feelings in your situation, can only make it harder for you to move on. think positively, even about him. the best of luck to you. may you find the strength and the patience to get though this. we are all here for you and we are all going through this too.
Author Chiquita27 Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 I can't believe I do this to myself......... Thursday night ex calls and leaves a message asking if I can help him out because he's stranded in the middle of the road and he needed to get home and nobody was around. So I go and rescue him from this situation and take him home. On our way to his place he tells me that he feels weird talking to me...because he realizes he misses me and he sometimes wished he didn't feel so alone. He goes along saying that sometimes he gets really confused and really depressed. So there I was getting soft on him, but I just dropped him off and left. Stupid me got all these words in my head and started feeling like he was trying to say something......so saturday night I texted him saying that it really sucked that we couldn't hang out as much....and he replied saying that he didn't know what to say to that and that he guessed we could plan something....I felt like it sounded like such a bother for him...so I said don't worry about it...that I was just having a weak moment. I didn't get any text back. Today I wanted to get the weird feeling out of my system and I called him to clear things up...and he gave me the whole speech about how I'm bitter because he's happy with someone else and I can't stand that he has moved on and that he's frustrated because he wants to be my friend but I make things difficult. He said he never loved me and that he never will. I said he confused me....that one day he said one thing and another day he would say something else. Now he gave himself the pleasure of being the one that says we shouldn't talk anymore...when I have been asking for this for a while now.... I'm mad at myself for letting him treat me like this.........I'm mad at myself for caring so much about him
bestadvisor Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 This is so clear, here is the list: 1) he did not love you and he never will as he told you so. 2) he is feeling guilty that he cheated on you and trying to be friends with you to make him ease his guilty as you suspected. 3) now, he got the chance to feel that you're bothering him and the chnace to cut you lose instead of you doing it to him. Complete no contact now and move on. Delete his message/email if he leaves one, don't call back, etc.
Author Chiquita27 Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 Yes...I now realize he never cared for me and he never will.. It just makes me sad that my self-esteem and my dignity are so affected by this situation.
Author Chiquita27 Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 After a couple of days of having that conversation with him, I think I'm slowly feeling better. It still bothers me that he doesn't see what I'm going through and doesn't understand that I have no control over my feelings and I can't just push a button and be over him. But at this point I prefer things to be like this. He's off to his new life with the new girl and I will work on myself from now on. And one day the right man will show up.....I want to believe that....and I'm going to stick to that. I am aware that I will still have my down days.......but I think slowly they'll stop. Time will do its job..........i'm confident of that.
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