SunnyLady Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 My ex left me. We were getting so close and he just switched. Changed from the loving person he used to be. . . started becoming distanr, stopped doing all he used to! It felt so odd. It felt like he was literally trying to restrain himself from falling completey and totally head over heels in love with me...he had feelings for me, but didnt want to have feelings for me. His friends say he is a commitment phobe. They say his childhood may have impacted negatively on his life. He is from a single home, abandonned by his dad (his mum raised him and his siblings single handedly). He is very bitter about this, when we were togther and he spoke about his dad, i could hear the bitterness in his voice. I'm so pained. I miss him so much. My esteem has been bruised and battered. I keep asking myself... "why would he want to intentionally curb his feelings for me?" Why would he be afraid to love? (We reconciled shortly after our first break up..only for him to resume his distant behaviour saying "he didnt want us to fall in love again, beacuse the rate at which we were going...we were going to fall in love all over again". It dsnt make sense. Why was he so scared of allowing himself to "feel". My friends say he might be scared of getting hurt but i don't agree with that. He is a strong guy, he knew all i had for him was love. . . i was the vunerable one not him. He has never hearbroken (rship wise), he has always been the dumper rather than the dumpee. What would make him so reluctant to allow himself to feel? It hurts so bad. Im moving on slowly but steadily... i know he may never come back. Right now he dsnt want commitment he has made that clear. It hurts a whole lot. Any ideas people? I reallly do need your input on this...why was he so scared to allow himself to love? When all i showed him was love and care. It hurts.
jerbear Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 He is afraid of the unknown and committment. The few things you can do is just move on and try to get over him. Not much you can do. the lonely part is just temporary, it is a temporary low. Maybe it is time to have a girls night out or girls vacation. In regards to strong guys, some actually do run away and are afraid of things.
bigheartkindsoul Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 He is afraid of the unknown and committment. The few things you can do is just move on and try to get over him. Not much you can do. the lonely part is just temporary, it is a temporary low. Maybe it is time to have a girls night out or girls vacation. In regards to strong guys, some actually do run away and are afraid of things. Agree and the best way to get over the lonely feeling you feel right now is to get out and about with friends or down the gym, out for coffee, shopping anything where you are around people. I was like that about a month ago, however I am now happy in my own company so living proof in time you will get there. Get busy, the rest will come in time. x
amythan Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I know how you feel, it does make any sense but sometimes have feelings is not enough. My ex gave me the same explanation, I was insane because i didn't understand his reasons. I tried to convince him, begged .. all possible mistakes but it is his decision. I cannot see anything you or me can do, continue with your life and do not wait for him .. it is not worth it.
Author SunnyLady Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 Thanks so much everyone for taking ouy time to reply. I'm going to take on the advice rendered. Go out, have fun, bury myself with work etc. I am feeling much better. Although i miss him a whole lot, life is not so bad. I guess before this incident i never imgained that a man would be worried about the unknown. Iv heard of cases where one party feels nothing for the other... iv heard of cases where there's no mutuality...when one party gets bored/fed up but iv never heard of a case where a man chooses to push away the love simply because he dsnt want to love, inspite of the love being present in him. For all i know...that could just have been an excuse, but all his actions seems to suggest otherwise, that he really has a problem with letting himself "feel". The annoying part is that he wants us to be friends. I saw him at a gathering and he said to me "hello stranger", gave ma tight hug and told me i had become smaller. He seems so comortable with us being friends. I guess he just dsnt want to feel guilty about everything. A few days ago, after 3weeks of no contact, he contacted me... saying it had been years and that he was expecting to see me at some event (i intentionally didnt turn up to as i knew he would be present). I guess he really has moved on...maybe thats why he is so cool about everything. When i saw him at the weekedn at a friend's gathering, it was hard for me to look at him eye to eye. I noticed him staring at me at some point, but he seems so calm and collected. Far from being edgy...i guess i wish i could have all emotions in tact like he appears to have. (i belive he is even seeing someone casually). Thats what he seems to want...casual stuff. He told me it would be impossible for us to be just causal lovers beacuse of the emotions involved. I guess i'm just ranting...iv been botting up my feelings for a bit now. Ah well. Thanks a lot guys. Anymore input would be very much apprecaited. I hope you are doing better now. It will be fine...someday. xxx
ninjaturtles Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Go and read about commitment phobes..a lo of what you describe fit the the term. Dont beat yourself about it....Is there a trend in his pattern of behaviour? You cant change a man like that...sometimes we women think we can change the ones we love, unfortunately not very often. keep busy, contiune NC, think about the positive things in your life, face your career/school or whateever you;re into. The odd thing bout these kind of ppl is that he may come back when you're doinf fine..when the chase beings again....when you seem unattainable.... Seen it happen many times. stay strong, stay busy , lc/nc, and look good if you happen to see him again.......success is the best revenge!xx
FindingMyselfAgain Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Let's date. We're both on the rebound, we're both hurting, we both love other people... what a recipe for success!
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