lexi29 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I dont know if this is the right thread to post in- i'm 29, he's 30. my bf of 3 yrs left me for another woman who was an ex of his from years ago. there wasn't any physical infidelity involved (well he cheated on HER with me after only 2 days of dating her) but he never cheated on me and during the 3 weeks (yes only 3 weeks) he dated her he only slept with her one time. (she also told me this and she was very angry at him so if it wasn't the truth i"m sure she would have told me otherwise) I knew that he was talking to HER while we were together because he told me and I talked to her as well. (he first met up with her after about 11 years 4 months ago and he took me to the meeting because he wanted me to meet her as well). I thought their friendship was "safe" because she wasn't attractive (and my bf was the one who said this) and she was dating someone at the time. I was totally shocked when he left me and even more shocked when I found out he'd left me for HER. Well about 3 weeks later he left her (said he couldn't stand her, she wasn't like she used to be when they dated 15 years ago, she wanted to get married after 2 weeks and she was always yelling at him because he refused to sleep with her after the first time (said he made excuses.) he said he couldn't get me out of his mind and really missed me and realized he'd made a huge mistake. He wants me to give him a 2nd chance. NOw he didn't physically cheat on me but he obviously must have felt some kind of emotional connection at first with her to leave me. He says he got caught up in the past and those feelings you have when you are young (they dated when he was around 15 and again when he was 18) and he said all they ever talked about (when he was still with me) was the past when they were dating and how nice it was back then and thats why he made the decision to leave me and try dating her. He said he was a HUGE mistake and he will do anything to make it up to me. He has an 8yr old son who adores me (and vice versa) and I love them both so I'm tempted to try to make it work again. He seems remorseful, has taken responsibility for his actions, says he knows I will have a hard time trusting him but he will prove to me (by his actions) that he won't hurt me again. He said he didn't mean for this to happen but he feels he learned a lesson from it. He said he got swept up in old feelings for a first love and thought she was still the same person which he quickly discovered she wasn't and that he knows he really messed up. I told him if I do decide to reconcile with him I want to take it very slowly and he understands. In a way I feel this was a wake-up call for us both. Made us not take the other for granted. I honestly don't think he will do anything like this again but its hard because I trusted him (he did not hide the fact that he was talking to her, was very open, tried to make me feel comfortable, and so did she but that feelings just happened.) I was ok with them talking and didn't discourage it because like I said I thought they were just old friends catching up and she seemed "safe". It does concern me that he cheated on her so quickly (it is a long story but we were broken up and I slept with him which was his idea and I didn't know he was already dating HER) that maybe he might do the same to me in the future. I don' t know what to do. Should I give him another chance to prove himself? If it matters, we didnt live together. I know most people will say, well your not married yet so run. But the thing is we've been thru so much together and I love him and believe he truly is sorry. Am I naive in thinking this?
LifesontheUp Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 People do make mistakes and if they are genuine and remorseful as he seems to be then if you are both willing you could give it a go. Lots of people work through the after math of something like this but it is not easy. You really need to find a good counsellor to help you work through this. Yes there will be those who will tell you to run especially as your not married (and quite possibly that is the right thing too do) but only you know what you want. It is early days as the hurt is still so raw and he has a long way to go to gain back the trust he squandered. Perhaps you could get into counselling and see how things go. You may find as I did that you do not want to be with him or you may work it through and have a stronger relationship from it. I wish you all the best with your choices.
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