Camya Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I'm a 19 year old girl who recently got involved with a 7 year older guy. We live in the same block, go to the same class in university, and stopped for a quick chat from time to time when we passed. One of these times he casually said that if I had nothing else to do, I could just knock on his door and we could watch a movie or something. I did, and we had a pleasant time, and I went back to my apartment thinking it would be nice to do it again. A week after not seeing him at all I paid another visit, and somehow ended up cuddling on the couch. If I hadn't stopped it, we'd have had sex right there. As it was, we just spent the whole night and whole next day in bed, touching and talking. Not even a week after that we've had sex, made dinner at his home with candles and music, gone out to twice, plus he's followed me around at the shopping mall to pick out a new outfit. It was actually his suggestion and he seemed to have fun picking out things he liked and have me try them on. After 2 hours I asked him if he was getting tired and he said no, he was looking forward to see me in the clothes when we got home. Sounds just about perfect, doesn't it? I must be crazy to have doubts... One of my problems is that I'm taking things at face value. I had no romantic notions when I went over to watch movies with him - he's a very direct, open and friendly guy, and seems to get along with alot of the people in class. I, on the other hand, have had alot of issues with self-confidence in the past years. Making a long story short, I have troubles opening up, but when I feel someone likes me or wants me it's difficult for me to put limits because I'm starved for intimacy. Looking back, I almost wish I'd run out of there as soon as I felt he was making a move... because, for me, this is going way, way too fast. I don't know if I'm throwing away one of the few good things that's happened in my life by thinking like this. And I can't help but wondering, why does he want to be with me? He says he's tired of being alone, that he hasn't had sex in 5 years because he's waited for the right girl, that he hopes this is the start of something, asking me how old I think I would be before starting to think about children. We've talked about feelings, dreams, the past, the future, and he's even begun looking at apartments, seriously considering whether we should move in together - "say, if we rent this one, we need a bicycle because it's too far to walk to school". Sure, it's something appealing with the idea. He makes me talk, seem genuinely interested in what I have to say, put alot of weight on good communication, and says he's in love with me. But we're completely different in personality, though we have alot of interests and views in common. He's impulsive and extrovert, I'm the opposite. I'm used to daydream and need silence and space from time to time, but if I do it around him he always asks what I'm thinking, feeling, seeing. I'm not sure how to cope with that. It's all happening so fast. I know I need to meet him halfway and not hold back all the time. But how do I convey to him that I need time to progress everything, and slow this down, without pushing him away? Also, I can't say if I'm in love. I enjoy being with him... but if you asked me two weeks ago, he's not someone I'd imagine I'd end up with. I have a guy friend whom I've known for two months or so - he's also in my class. He's the kind of type I'd picture myself with - shy, nice, loves quiet activities like reading and listening to music; a person whom I feel I'm more "in sync" with. It's also easy not to say anything when I'm with him since neither of us are very comfortable with small-talk. Perhaps if things had been allowed to develope for a year... who knows? We're still friends, but I keep thinking whether it could have been more. I’m so confused.
Kamille Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 The guy I'm seeing and I have started using sentences containing the word love in them - such as I'm starting to fall in love with you. We've been together a month. And people here have cautioned me that this is early. I agree with them. Getting to know someone and falling in love is a beautiful thing. There is no need to rush into it. Yet, there is no set timeline for anything. My parents moved in together after knowing each other for three weeks. They're still together today. But but but. It does sound like things are moving too fast for you. You need to respect your own pace - and he needs to respect it too. Don't be afraid to push him away by taking the space and time you need. In the end, you are doing it for the two of you. If he can't handle it, then there is an issue behind his desire to rush the two of you into a relationship. Likely, if he does care for you, he will make an effort to give you space. Just tell him that things are going fast for you and you need sometime to find your balance.
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