S0L0st Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Hi, I don't really know where to start. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year now, and we are both in our early 20's. We are very serious about each other and talk about a future, and marriage once in a while. My problem is, though, that he has not really shown me much character and I'm beginning to have big doubts. When we first started dating, he had been dating another girl for about a month. Then we got back in touch and ended up hanging out once, in which we kissed and held hands. He broke up with the girl the same day, but not til after he had technially cheated on her?! That should have been my first red flag. Also, he grew up in a strict household where I think he learned to lie his way around and out of everything. Nobody in his family knows he's a smoker, and he also lied about failing a class and went to extreme lengths to cover it up!!! Now, everyone tells white lies to their parents, but those are big! I never thought he would lie to me like that until I recently looked in his email and found something terrible, which he had also lied about. He is not cheating on me, but he did lie. It makes me wonder what else he has lied about or has kept from me. And ever since then, I've realized I am the one always getting hurt and I begin to wonder how happy I really am. We have no trust in our relationship anymore. On my part, anyways. I've never lied to him or done anything hurtful to him. I've tried talking to him here and there lately, but everytime I try to bring it up I get flustered and don't know how to pinpoint to him how I am feeling, and I'm afraid to bring up old issues because he hates when I do. I honestly don't know what I want. I love him SO much and truly care about him, but his actions towards me over the past year make me feel like I am not "The One" for him. Because I honestly believe once you find "The One", you do everything in your power to make them happy. Should I say I need some space? Do you think he will change his lying ways after seeing how bad he hurt me the first time? Do you think that would give him a wake up call if we took a break? I'm lost.
LoisLane Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Hi there. This is a tough situation to be in! I would say it is best if you told him how you feel about his lies. There is no other way to it if you want to be happy. It is hard to gain back that trust when it is broken. You found proof that he lied, that's even harder. Right now, you have so many doubts. Best bet would be to tell him that you are having doubts. Tell him that you don't agree with him lying to his parents about the grades and slip in that if he could lie to his parents, there is no way he wouldn't lie to you.
jcster Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Should I say I need some space? Do you think he will change his lying ways after seeing how bad he hurt me the first time? Do you think that would give him a wake up call if we took a break? I'm lost. People who lie to the extent that your boyfriend is lying rarely change their ways - at least not quickly. Right now, he has no problem lying to avoid unpleasant consequences, and since it's paying off for him, he really has little motivation to change. There isn't much you can do to change him. This is something he will change when he's ready, but it's very unlikely that he will do it for you. Your best bet is to find someone who has the same morals and beliefs that you do, and let this guy figure out the error of his ways without you.
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