sungrl Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 My b/f of over 2 years has some good qualities..he is older than me(about 9 years) so he definitely has more life experience. To read this you must know my b.f is not shy at all. He has an outgoing personality..i have seen him talk to strangers at a florist etc just when buying things..it just seems conversations strike up easily between him and someone else. He has a certain arrogance about him...liking someone's arrogance depends on the person..some people have arrogance but it isnt so bad...he has this type of attitude of not caring what people think which is good..BUT..i also feel like he has an arrogance of possibly feeling above whatever situation he is in..my brother has said he has noticed that too..and its not done by him in this melicious type of manner..its done by the fact he shuts down during family type things...for example--if he stops over during a holiday for dessert(i didnt really notice this until my brother said something)--he won't ever initiate a comment or convo unless someone says something to him or someone asks him question. My brother said yes i only met him a few times but never once in those few times did he say "how is everything going"..never initated anything.. This to me is bad..he may not mean anything malicious by it..but maybe in some level it means he doesnt want to be there or thinks he is above the situation he is in(conversing with my family). What i have noticed is how he is during his family events such as when we are over his house for a holiday dinner or visit..he just seems different..and does not try to really converse at those times either..i see him converse with his brother..but i just feel he is more cold towards me as well..i know he isnt supposed to be all over me but i just feel he is different at those times..and my brother is the one who made me think of it in a different way--such as he doesnt want to bothered with that stuff and in someway thinks he is above it. The sad part is..his brother is even worse and seems even more arrogant and it makes me worried if this is what i would have to deal with if married to him..the brother has never in all this time said hi, how are you..i have tried during holiday visits to make eye contact and greet him and he has never made eye contact with me, therefore i never get to do that..its almost as if he looks through me. i only noticed what my b/f did at his family's house..but since my brother told what he has noticed, --i have to agree that he does it at mine as well. And to me--i feel as though i shouldnt have to tell him to say to my family--how is everything going, whats new with this or whats new with your son etc etc..b/c then if he starts doing it--its only b/c i made him---not b/c he is in fact showing some interest on his own. My brother is good at reading people..and he said he noticed this and says the type of attitude he displays almost shows that if he is with me, he is with me..and if he isnt then thats fine too..and he also doesnt think my b/f wants to eventually get married..he thinks he just wants to be settled where he has a steady g.f where he can have a few moments with, only see a few nights a week, and gets regular sex from. This has placed a whole new perspective on things and it makes me wonder what should i do or think....
popey Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 could be that his family just didn't talk. this could create a deterimental situation, but if there is a real foundation in your relationship, together you can overcome this. while it could be the case, I wouldn't assume that his failure to initiate conversation is necessarily a indication that he doesn't care. You should talk about it with him alone, and try to be cognizent of not attacking or insulting to the extent possible.
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