puhpee30 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I'm such in a bad state now. keep on crying and shaking..I havent slept yet and its already noon the next day... I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago. He begged me back and tried to fix it. I accepted getting back but ranted to him the next few days. Everytime I'd rant, he'd disappear.. Then we got more and more distant. To the point I thought it was over and hanging without him saying anything. I finally got to see him again and we slept together... On the way home, i blurted to him all the things i've been thinking... And asked him whats been going on and how inconsiderate he's been to me how he left me hanging... He had nothing to say. When I got home, we talked on the phone and he was SO mad at me. He was saying how irritating I was and a nag. Thing is, I havent been nagging him . And he kept ranting how he's been busy and has no time for me... THen he calmed down. We talked about little things that's been happening.. Then I asked him again whats going on. He said that hes too busy for me and that we should just be friends. And was getting angry again. I was calmly saying how the times I'd think of breaking up, he'd beg me back and i'd give him a chance. How just 2 weeks ago he was in love big time and begging to fix it.... He got more pissed. I told him that if he just didnt love me or what, just to tell me. He was screaming already that he cant deal with it now and will talk to me in a couple of days... I know I should give him space because I know he has to calm down in a few days. I dont know how I'll deal with it. A few days ago, I had a breakdown and my son was hospitalized and a lot of other things and had to be put on medication.. Considering Ive just been through that, I dont know how to deal with this now . It hurts so so much. He's such a different person now. I dont know what happened. Help, people, pls...
Lee725 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Wow, i am sorry that you are going through this. I dont know that there is much help i can give you but i will try. I hope that your son is OK. How long were you guys together?. You said in the start of your post that when you got back together with him, after he begged you to come back, you ranted at him for the next few days... but then later on you caught back up with him and he told you that you were nagging him, but you said that you had not been doing that..... was it a long time between the first get back together and the time he said you were nagging him? (i hope that made sense). I have found over the years that screaming normally gets you no-where, people are a lot more receptive if you keep a level mono-tone when addressing sensitive issues with them. (not that i have always practiced this either!!) You have said that you will be talking to him in a few days. This will give you a chance to write down the things that are upsetting you and the things that you feel may need to be changed. Then when you do talk to him you might be able to cover the issues without the screaming and missing some points because you get upset. It seems very intense right now i know, but if he keeps begging you to come back he just might see that there is a way you can work this out, the next couple of days might do you both the world of good to sort your heads out, try to calm your mind and try to put things into a list of priority. Be there for your little one and look after yourself, but keep a piece of paper and a pen handy and write things down so that the next time you chat to him you will know exactly what you need to say.
Author puhpee30 Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 Hi. We got back around 2 and a half weeks ago.then i ranted 4 times in one week...then got distant for another week and a half and thats when he said i was a nag for even bringing it up yesterday . all the while, in between, he'd be sweet then distant then unfriendly... We went out for 7 months. We almost moved in together.... THe past 2 and a half weeks has made me think A LOT. His fualts and mine. ANd how I think I can make it all better next time... He hasnt been begging me back AT ALL . Yesterday, he was actually mad and screaming at me. But before that he was all sweet... He got annoyed when i brought up the topic on wanting to know what is going on between us. He was screaming and saying im irritating (w/c is so unlike him). I was shocked and was just calm and he was saying that im not making sense. He said he has no more time for me thats it. I told him we can work it out but he said 'no way'. I told him to give me a chance like the last two times i gave him when he begged me back...After all his shouting, I said its unfair he can part with me sounding so mean. So, he wants to call me in a few days.. I dont know why. I dont know what will happen. Im scared. Im hurt.. I dont know if I should talk again but i do do do want him back....
FindingMyselfAgain Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I hate to be blunt, but: It sounds like you are creating a lot of your own drama.
Lee725 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 As difficult as it will be, i think that mayb if you give it some time so that you can both sort out exactly what you want, you may be able to sit down and talk about it. By the sounds of it if you keep pushing, he will only get more upset and you wont be able to do anything. You both need time to calm down, while all this stuff is so fresh and raw. There is the possibility tho that if you guys have had these type of issues twice before in 7 months that you may not be well suited together. As harsh as it may seem and i dont mean to be nasty, you simply might not be meant to be together. 7 months is such a short time to be having such great difficulty. I am speaking from experience on this one, i had to break it off with a guy that was wonderful who i was seeing for just 3 months and i was falling for him but i knew i could not make it work with him. At first it hurt like hell and i felt like i had made a huge mistake because i could see myself having a future with this guy, but in the end i was only lying to myself and i had to end it. I am getting much better now, but i still have crappy days. Give it time. As much as it will hurt go NC for a while. Mayb afterwards you can work it out with him.
Author puhpee30 Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 I dont know.. I dont think I'm creating all my drama. It may sound lile it but whe you're in it, it hurts to see the one you love just so cold and harsh all of a sudden.. Yes, Lee, thank you. I think I will give him space. In my mind before I always thought it wouldn't work. But after thinking about it this couple of weeks, I knew I could have dealt with it better and it wouldn't have come to this. Maybe in the futre when he talks to me, he wont scream at me anymore...
Lee725 Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 I had the same feeling, that if i had dealt with it better, there could have been a way that we could have worked through it. To better understand where i am coming from have a read of this link if you like: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t133862/ The feeling that you have made a mistake and that you hve dealt with things the complete wrong way can leave you with sadness and pain in the same way that the other aspects of the break up hurt. If you have the opportunity to talk to him later, work on what you are going to say and how you are going to say it now, because i never had that opportunity, once i did what i did it was over - no going back and gosh i regret that now. (as i wrote before) I have come to the realization now, that even if i had spoken to him the right way, it probably would have never worked and it does hurt to think that way because i was falling in love with him. Your brain is going to cause you havoc for a while, you will question what you said/how you said it. It is very likely that you will over-analyze everything till the point where you can recall really silly details about situations that you would not otherwise remember. Try to stay strong and fight the urge to contact him before you are both ready to talk about it properly.
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