OWoman Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Yaaa..prob. b/c he'd been telling all his friends/co workers, etc. how crazy she is. My H did...The all do that so they can feel "ok" about what they're doing...They need to keep up the image. They have to justify it somehow to themselves and others. Otherwise...well...they just look like asses...If the W is crazy, well..it's ok for them to cheat... Nope - they worked with, and socialised with, her themselves and saw for themselves. He never said a single bad thing about her at all, despite them all assuring him over the years that he should leave her, that she was treating him badly - as well as other people. There were many formal complaints against her at their company, and she finally resigned to avoid being dismissed because of that. MM spoke up for her, defended her against all the allegations throughout. People wondered if he was crazy himself, putting up with that! And when the marriage counsellor told her she needed to get her act together, because her behaviour was unacceptable, she dropped out of MC. Nor did he cheat throughout all the years of abuse, until me, so it could not have been done to cover himself. He only gave in to my advances because he'd finally come to see, through counselling, that HE was not the one who was crazy....
TogetherForever Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Yaaa..prob. b/c he'd been telling all his friends/co workers, etc. how crazy she is. My H did...The all do that so they can feel "ok" about what they're doing...They need to keep up the image. They have to justify it somehow to themselves and others. Otherwise...well...they just look like asses...If the W is crazy, well..it's ok for them to cheat... Not to interrupt here but OOD how are things in your world? TF
outofdarkness Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Not to interrupt here but OOD how are things in your world? TF ok...Have been sick for awhile, but am on the mend. H is doing very well..Better then he ever has. He's been very proactive in dealing w/ his issues, and it's made quite a difference around here. Thanks for asking and sorry the thread jack...
outofdarkness Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Nope - they worked with, and socialised with, her themselves and saw for themselves. He never said a single bad thing about her at all, despite them all assuring him over the years that he should leave her, that she was treating him badly - as well as other people. There were many formal complaints against her at their company, and she finally resigned to avoid being dismissed because of that. MM spoke up for her, defended her against all the allegations throughout. People wondered if he was crazy himself, putting up with that! And when the marriage counsellor told her she needed to get her act together, because her behaviour was unacceptable, she dropped out of MC. Nor did he cheat throughout all the years of abuse, until me, so it could not have been done to cover himself. He only gave in to my advances because he'd finally come to see, through counselling, that HE was not the one who was crazy.... Well...Every situation is unique. Sorry if I was too general in my reply...
TogetherForever Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 ok...Have been sick for awhile, but am on the mend. H is doing very well..Better then he ever has. He's been very proactive in dealing w/ his issues, and it's made quite a difference around here. Thanks for asking and sorry the thread jack... Well I'm glad you're on the mend ood!! And I'm also happy that your husband is helping make things better for you. I wish I could insert clapping hands here for you!!! Take Care TF
frannie Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I know why, but I want to hear others' assumptions / answers about Why she keeps asking him who I am. Also, why hasn't she kicked him to the curb yet? One day he tells me things between them are bad, next day he'll tell me things are better--then adds "but she keeps asking who Gwyneth is." He's still feeding her the same lie. I told him to knock the lying off--it's stupid and he's not getting Anywhere. Opinions? You say you know why this is happening. I may have missed it, but have you said why you think this is? She's asking him about you because he's her husband, and she wants the truth from him. And despite you saying it's 'long over' between you, ten days ago you were still very much describing an ongoing situation between the two of you. It's obvious he's still calling or contacting you, discussing their marriage, and you're still very much interested in their relationship. I can't say why she's calling and then not speaking. Perhaps she feels she'll get even less sense and truth out of you than she does out of the man she's married to. OW are not renowned for spilling the beans to the wife (until it's truly over, that is, and even then rarely). Perhaps she just wanted to hear your voice, get your VM message (personal or work message would give her a clue), anything that would give her an inkling of who you are without actually having to engage you. Can you blame her, because I don't. I'd probably do the same in her position. As for calling her 'crazy', having a relationship with someone who constantly lies to you can make you really, really, really annoyed, to say nothing of hurt, mistrust, fear, and everything else that goes along with it. Why hasn't she 'kicked him to the kerb'..? She's married to him, she has children with him. She's struggling with a man who she probably still hopes will tell her the truth, work on things with her, re-connect. While all the time he's off telling another woman how 'crazy' she is. Nice. Why don't you kick him to the kerb?
outofdarkness Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Well I'm glad you're on the mend ood!! And I'm also happy that your husband is helping make things better for you. I wish I could insert clapping hands here for you!!! Take Care TF Well...don't clap just yet. It's a LONG journey, but his actions are encouraging. Of course, having two teenagers is a diversion of for us too...LOL
NoIDidn't Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Gwyneth, What are you getting out of this? Do you like the drama? Are you in love with this man? If the A is over why is he still emailing you and texting you? It sounds to me like you like being the OW... You have two choices leave his poor wife alone or give her a call and let her know who you are. and stop worrying so much about her... worry about yourself and figure out what exactly you are getting out of this interaction. NO offense but he sounds like a scumbag. Good luck xo I wanted to ask something along these lines myself. Not exactly the same, but the "what are you getting out of this" was definitely on point. It really seems that Gwyneth is enjoying the drama and it seemingly being "all about her". The woman is asking about you, Gwyneth, but not for your sake. She is asking for the sake of her M. Its like a doctor asking about the symptoms so that he can manage the disease. Its not about the symptoms, its about finding the right treatment for the disease. An A is a bad symptom of something amiss in a M or a person (or both, usually both). Her asking about you has nothing to do with you. But him telling you about it is all about him using her insecurity to make you feel secure and him feel like the big man on campus. Very childish of him.
MissMaris Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Okay, thank you. I know they're married and it's not all that easy to just divorce as it would be to just end a relationship when you're dating, but instead of constantly having to watch your husband's every move, you'd think by now she'd leave him or kick him out. I mean, this isn't the first time this has happened in their marriage of two years. And as I said, since September, at least that I know of, she has been suspicious about three different things--text messages, emails, and phone calls. I think she convinces him it's all good, but is up to something (worrying here...). He said after the emails that it's all good now and she's over it...but I kept telling him I highly doubt that and that she is probably up to something. I know women, and I know women don't just let something like this go. What I do not understand is why he continues with this stupid lie that makes no sense. Dude can't lie for anything...very sad. She hasn't kicked him to the curb because on some level, she still wants to fight for her marriage. That's what people do when they care for a loved on -- they try to gather all the information they can about a looming 'problem' and try to figure out how to fix it. She is trying to save her relationship. Just think -- she may have many years, time, emotions, finances, who knows...invested in this man. My question to you is why you are interested in a man this pathetic?
Author Gwyneth Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 I have said Many times that they do Not have children together. She has a child from a previous marriage. I Never said I wanted a relationship with this man...but a part of me wants her to know her husband is cheating on her. Maybe it's because I would feel less stressful about the affair if she just knew. I want him to tell her but he won't. Instead she wants to know who I am. Maybe she should be questioning her husband about who He is, since she is married to him, and he is engaging in affair after affair, only this time, it's truly emotional.
NoIDidn't Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Maybe she should be questioning her husband about who He is, since she is married to him, and he is engaging in affair after affair, only this time, it's truly emotional. But that is exactly what she is doing in seeking the truth from him. She is seeing just who he is, may be that she just doesn't want to believe it yet. Her asking about you has nothing to do with you. Its really disingenuous of you to exclaim what she should be doing or not. You have no emotional investment in him or her. Why do you care that she is asking him anything? According to you, you are not in an A with him anymore, and you certainly aren't married to her. Seems it would be easy to not be concerned about it.
norajane Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Instead she wants to know who I am. Maybe she should be questioning her husband about who He is She's not asking who 'gwyneth' is because she wants to know your favorite color and whether you sing in the shower and if you're kind to small animals. She's asking because she wants to know his connection to the woman's name and number and texts or whatever she found in his phone or emails or wherever it was she came across 'gwyneth'. And she's going to keep asking until he stops lying to her about who you are to him...or until she gets fed up with his lies and dumps his lying, cheating ass. She's not buying whatever stupid lie he's telling her - that's why she keeps asking. She wants to know the truth, and she wants him to know she doesn't believe his lies.
Author Gwyneth Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 He and I are still very much in this affair. I said I wasn't because I was tired of being attacked on a daily basis. I now feel that I just do not care what people think about what I'm doing. I have met many people who do horrible things--smoke weed, do other drugs, steel, beat, etc. and I think this just doesn't even compare to what some people I know have done. Ouch...it just doesn't. I just do not care about her. I have no respect for a woman with a child who marries a man she barely knows (um, four months she knew him) who is probably really just with him for financial support. Instead of taking her crap ex husband to court for child support, she marries the first man that comes along and depends on him to support her and her child while she barely works. Incredible. I think that is what pisses me off the most. My mom had my sister and I when she was pretty young, and left our father (well, he's a loser). She didn't just marry anyone--she made sure she really knew a man before she even introduced him to us, and she Never received any money from our loser father. She was a self-supporting mother and still is a self-supporting woman. She is now married, but she still earns a living for herself. I just think it's extremely Nervy of this woman to marry this poor guy (my lover) and depend on Him to support her and her child. Just incredibly nervy. It makes me so angry that she does this and he's just stupid enough to let her get away with it. He's big hearted like that, and I think she's taking advantage of the sitaution. Sure, she loves him--but how the heck do you know you are in love with someone after only four months? Shoot...if it were That easy, I would have fallen in love and married by now. Maybe I'm PMS Bitter, but I just cannot stand the lady.
norajane Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 I just do not care about her. I have no respect for a woman with a child who marries a man she barely knows (um, four months she knew him) who is probably really just with him for financial support. Instead of taking her crap ex husband to court for child support, she marries the first man that comes along and depends on him to support her and her child while she barely works. Incredible. I think that is what pisses me off the most. I find it incredible that you reserve all your hostility for her, when her husband did exactly what she did: he married her after barely knowing her for 4 months. If she was a gold digger, what was HIS excuse? How come you have all this respect for him when he was the one who CHOSE to propose to her. You can't even say she trapped him with pregnancy! He CHOSE her after 4 months.
Author Gwyneth Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 Why do You assume he proposed? I never said that. He was totally rebounding after breaking up with his gf of seven years. That's a Long time to be in a relationship with someone to just marry the first person you know, what, six months after breaking up with a woman you were with and lived with for 7 years? Wow. And yes, he married her immediatly, but he wasn't the one with a child--she was / is. It takes a parent to know and understand what it means to make sure you really know someone before you bring your child into that relationship / marriage.
NoIDidn't Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Are you sure that he doesn't have puppet strings on you? You sound like his own personal megaphone. If he is so unhappy with his decision to marry her after such a short time and because he now realizes that he doesn't want to be a father to someone else's child, then he should leave. And the thing about other people doing bad things, when exactly does that excuse your personal behavior? Do you live your entire life comparing yourself to being not as bad as, or better than everyone else to feel some sense of validation? If you do, that's just sad. And you weren't being attacked. You were obviously defensive because you were lying about your situation. I have a lot of respect for posters that at least have the decency to say "I am still seeing the MM".
frannie Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 I want him to tell her but he won't. Instead she wants to know who I am. ... he is engaging in affair after affair, only this time, it's truly emotional. He married her after four months, and that's somehow bad of her..? What about him..? She was looking for a father figure for her child or whatever, what was his motive for such a quick marriage? He has gone on to cheat on her time after time, this latest time with you. What makes you think she believes you're more than just another of his 'mistakes'? The man won't tell her what's going on, despite the fact she's asked him directly who is this woman he's almost certainly cheating with. That's nasty of him. Especially as he's relaying it all to you. But somehow you're angry with her... because she married 'your lover'..? You want him to tell her about your relationship... but he won't... and that's her fault? You're pointing your fingers at the wrong person, Gwyneth.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 LOL, you're constantly hearing OW whining that the BW is concentrating on THEM after a D-Day, and the BW is mad at THEM and where the hell does the BW get off pointing fingers at THEM??? Yet, here's an OW doing the exact same thing OW all cry about - centering her hatred and attention all on the wife of her married cheating 'boyfriend.' Every wrong thing her MM ever DID is somehow his rotten WIFE'S fault. This is a guy that came out of a long-term relationship and CHOSE - yes, CHOSE - to marry a woman he'd only been with for 4 months. Obviously, a VERY STUPID MOVE on his part, but he owns it. No one else OWNS that but him. Not his wife, not the UPS man, and not his Aunt Gertrude in Chicago. HE owns it. He also owns the constant LYING and CHEATING he's been only too happy to indulge in since he got married. So let's get this straight - "Saint MM" marries a woman on the rebound because he's basically not intelligent enough to make better choices. Then, when he realizes what a bone-headed move he's made, his ANSWER to that is to start lying and cheating and disrespecting his wife. How's that working for him? This guy just keeps screwing up over and over and over again. I wouldn't let him walk my dog since he obviously can't make an ADULT decision to save his life. Yeah, he'll keep LYING and LYING to save his pathetic ass, but eventually his wife will get the goods. And when she DOES, Gwynneth certainly won't be able to whine about the wife centering her ANGER on her, now will she? Because that would be hypocritcal, and she wouldn't want to be accused of that. You bought the ticket to this wonderful ride. And it promises to be a hair-raiser.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Look at it this way Gwyn.. That same gold digging hateful woman you have no respect for is the same one he CHOOSES to stay married to, even to the point of hiding his affair with you so that he can stay married to her. She is asking about you, because he isn't telling her about you - because he is falling all over himself lying and gaslighting so that he can continue to stay married. When she finds out exactly who you are, he is probably going to "throw you under the bus" and beg her not to leave him. Is that really the kind of guy you want to be with?
stillafool Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Exactly! If your MM is so abused in his relationship with his wife why doesn't he leave her now and be with you? Because she is the one he loves and wants to live with even though she has another man's child. You sound like you would lay down and die for him, yet he choses to lie to someone he doesnt want to be with you? Does that make any sense? The truth is you can't stand his wife because you are jealous as hell of her and you know it. If you are so proud of your situation why do you chose to post here? Fly away and be happy. BTW, why aren't you out with your MM instead of posting on LS?
Author Gwyneth Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 I CHOSE to post here because at first I did want to know How to get myself out of this affair. I guess I finally admitted to myself, and others, that I do want to be a part of this affair and do not care about the wife. I have a right as a human being to post on here and I also have a right, as a Human Being, to finally admit to myself, and others, that I am proud to have this guy in my life. Period.
whichwayisup Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 And with that being said, live with the consquences of your choices. Accept that one day you will hurt when it ends and you'll have noone to blame but yourself. Not him, not his wife, just yourself as you're going into this with your eyes open as it is YOUR choice. Good luck.
Author Gwyneth Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Thank you for your kind worrying, but I know how to handle being upset. I'm a big girl and have been through breakups before. I don't expect people to feel bad for me--never have. I pick up and move forward and look forward to moving on. I also look back and learn from mistakes that were made during the relationship. I know I'll have a Handful to learn from this Affair. Trust me, I'll be okay. There are More important things in life to worry about and concentrate on than a possible broken heart from a man who I had an affair with. Maybe that's just me, but I think Every one has the power to move forward as quickly as possible. Be active, go out, have fun with friends--don't sit home moping, because I learned that is just the Worst thing you can do when mending a broken heart. Yes, I'm sure I will be upset, but I know that I will be able to handle my heart and move on.
frannie Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I CHOSE to post here because at first I did want to know How to get myself out of this affair. I guess I finally admitted to myself, and others, that I do want to be a part of this affair and do not care about the wife. I have a right as a human being to post on here and I also have a right, as a Human Being, to finally admit to myself, and others, that I am proud to have this guy in my life. Period. Yes, you do have a right to post here and state you want to continue the affair, and don't feel you have a responsibility towards his wife. I feel pretty much the same, although as I said on your other thread, 'proud' isn't the word I'd use. Also, I'm not hell bent on staying in it, but I can see where such statements come from, and I've felt the same from time to time on here because of the antagonism towards OW. What I also said on your other thread was, that this antagonism and lack of support does lead to OW lying and making bold statements... I think that's just inevitable, really.
Author Gwyneth Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 ^ Exactly. I think wives would rather put the blame on the OW for the same reason the OW wants to hate the wife, when they should Really be hating the Husband, because he is the one who puts both women in the bad position. It is what it is and I cannot control his feelings. Proud may be the wrong word to use, but I certainly am Not ashamed of having him in my life.
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