deadmansfloat Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 hi all. i'm relatively new to the board, but i posted my story a few weeks ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t133352/ in any event, i was on NC for 2 or 3 weeks with my ex, after learning she was keeping her new boy a secret from me from whilst maintaining friendly, and admittedly "misleading" LC with me. *in my opinion, i would recommend and challenge those of us on NC to try and not keep track of how long we've be on NC. i decided to approach NC as if was FOR-EVER. so i honestly don't know off hand if its been 2 or 3 weeks (of course i coulf figure it out with soe effort - but why bother?) anyway...i finally went out on a date last night, which was pretty good. nothing too serious - but for the first time in 3 months i was able to actually visualize myself with somebody else... so i get home and of course my ex sent an email that very same day. of course she doenst know about my date, and she is seeing someone else (i assume), she used her womanly-radar to detect that i was actually getting over her. it was straight out of the movie "Swingers" (which i highly recommend! esp. to guys). she was updating me on her professional life, and how shes uncertain of the carreer path she wants to pursue. she also said 'keep in touch', after i deliberaely told her (in a loving way) that it would be best to completely cut each other out of our lives. no way i'm responding. i'd lose all of my momentum! it hurts and there is loads and loads of things i would still love to discuss with my ex. but i must push forward; we all must go through the crucible of loneliness, frustration and sadness. brothers and sisters - the only way out is through!
MartianChronicles Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 last night i went out for a date, really had a good time and this morning, for the first time in weeks, i woke up with a large smile on my face, feeling great and not thinking about my ex at all. but my ex bf must have a radar too... as he sent me an email, saying he wished we would be good friends and even something more, saying he likes me and is still fond of me... thought he is not in love with me anymore. stupid me, i replied. he replied to my reply. i replied to his reply to my reply. the exchange became quite harsh at some point, i decided to stop and leave it. back to NC again now, but i feel so tired and frustrated
Author deadmansfloat Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 yeah i shouldnt have associated the 'radar' with women only. but martian, there is always that risk in resuming contact with an ex - old emotions are dug up, and the conversations escalate into something undesirable... my friend suggested that anything short of a desperate, urgent message does not merit a reply. unless your ex says its an emergency, or plainly states "i want to get back together", don't reply! at least not until youve had 4-7 months to regain yourself. think about that smile you woke up with! get your ego and confidence back up and watch your ex come, curiously creeping around the corner being confident, unavailible, and happy will always leave your ex second guessing - it's like an iron law of nature
MartianChronicles Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 yep, i know... but that man knows how to make me furious.. and damn, he did today he still has a power on me. and i thought i was nearly over him. i thought i couldnt care less about him and his life and him fu**ing around. stupid me.
CaliGuy Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 The only reason ex's stay in contact is to feed their own egos. The minute you respond to their "fishing" they lose interest again. They know you're still on the hook and they can have you at any time. There's no attraction in that. I'm not saying you should go NC to try and generate interest in an ex. I am merely suggesting that you be PREPARED for it and figure out what you need to do in order to insure you DO NOT respond to them. Once someone dumps you they're basically saying "You're not good enough for me." If that's the case with many who have been dumped, just remember that when the ex starts poking around in your life again. Why waste your time on someone who really doesn't want to be with you when there is someone else out there who does? Cheers.
Author deadmansfloat Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 thank you caliguy - i agree with most of your comment, but not all. one reason maintaining NC is so hard can be that the dumper is genuinely interested in your life - especially coming out of a long term reltationship. don't get me wrong - totally agree that part of our exs contacting us is ego! but NC can be especially hard when the break up was on relatively good, or should i say 'mature' terms. thats why its hard for me. there is sooo much more i would like to talk about with my ex..this is only complicated by the fact that i know i was the main reason our relationship felll apart... but what happened happened. and the only way i can regain my sanity, focus and happiness is by completely evacuating her out of my life. there is no other option. and that is why i, we, have to be militant NCers in most cases. so like i said: if the ex doesnt contact you in a state of emergency (and how often does this happen?) or boldly bring up relationship-talk we cannot respond. nevertheless i appreciate your input! what do you think?
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