wmrjw82 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 So I broke NC Sunday for the first time in a month after my ex had rejected my marriage proposal. It was a brief (about 3-4 paragraphs) email that basically said i'm sorry for my behavior which she felt led to our breakup, I told her I now feel we are at 2 different stages in life because i want marriage and children and everytime we get that close she pulls away or we ended up arguing too much. I ended it with I will always cherish our good times and I hope all your dreams come true and you never change. I even apologized for putting the pressure of a marriage proposal on her when we weren't even dating and told her how I only wanted to show her how important she was to me and how much I loved her. The next day I felt like crap. This girl hasn't gave a damn about me since she broke up with me in late July. All the talks about marriage, children, a life together all went out the window after breaking up with me for the 2nd time. I even proposed to her and she said no last month. You'd think i'd wake up. But NOOO... I have to send some lame email that she probably looked at once, told her friends about, and then they all shared a nice laugh at how pathetic I am. What was I hoping for? I guess deep down I just wanted her to say thank you or admit that she didn't really love me. But she would never tell me that. Only put the blame on me for everything that went wrong and complete and utter silence. Not even a response. I guess I should have expected it I just thought that maybe, just maybe, now that a month had passed she could have told me outright how she felt. I didn't care how bad it would hurt me because I wouldn't have wondered and blamed myself for so long over this breakup. But no, all I get is silence. Is it selfish of me to want this kind of closure from her? I mean, if I had been the one doing the breaking up and it was a relationship where I cared about the other person I would want them to hear the truth so that they wouldn't keep punishing themselves. I know i wasn't totally to blame for this but I feel as though she wants to punish me. Then again, maybe i'm just going nuts.
funkybassplayer Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 maybe shes silent cos shes in pain as well. You did the right thing by saying good things to her.
ClearFocus Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I know how that feels.. Its like u express all your true feelings, really open your heart and lay urself bare and the response just seems cold, like they couldnt care less! I kinda put myself in the same position, I poured all my feelings out in the form of a poem, beautifully written (if I say so myself) and heard absouletly nothing!! The next time we spoke she didnt even mention it.. I felt like I was bein punished for expressing my feelings. Hang in there, u done the right thing!
hopeforlove243 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Maybe phone call is the only way if you ever want to break NC, at least you can hear the voice. I don't know, maybe she needs more time to response your email. Please post if you do get her response.
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I had the same reaction when I sent my first e-mail. Although I didn't get the reaction I wanted (you never do), it took him three days to respond. When I hadn't heard by day 2, I was really beating myself up and getting really upset that he hadn't responded. But, apparently, he just wanted to take some time to think about how to respond, and then did so. Anyway, I would say to give it more time, but it's also possible you might never hear back. And honestly, it's probably a good thing if you don't, particularly since you weren't sending the e-mail for purely altruistic reasons.
ninjaturtles Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I dont understand how dumpers can be hurting..I dont get it..If you dump someone , dont contact the person and act cold to the person..how can you be hurting??..Except there were circumstances why the dumper dumped the dumpee, eg clash in religion..something incompatible or maybe distance..(In those kind of situations, the dumpee still loves the dumper and only dumped the dumpee cos of certain situations.. When however the dumper dumps the dumpee, (the way mos of us here have been dumped, how could they possibly hurt after pleading with them to come back?) I dont understand...funkybase care to explain if u can? Thanx.xx
Author wmrjw82 Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 And honestly, it's probably a good thing if you don't, particularly since you weren't sending the e-mail for purely altruistic reasons. I think that email was about as altruistic as I can get given the circumstances. Most people who get rejected on a marriage proposal usually don't apologize for putting the pressure of that proposal on the person to begin with. I also went so far as to say I will always cherish the good times and hope her life turns out great (which I really do mean). I was just hoping for some kind of response that's all. Does that make it not purely altrusitic? Personally, I think that just makes me human...I guess that was sort of my original question. Is it wrong of me to want some form of response?
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 "What was I hoping for? I guess deep down I just wanted her to say thank you or admit that she didn't really love me. But she would never tell me that." "I just thought that maybe, just maybe, now that a month had passed she could have told me outright how she felt." You wanted something from her. Your motivation wasn't completely to wish her well. You wanted her to respond in a way that comforted you. You want her to be on your time table and in sync with your frame of mind. I guess I don't see that as altruistic. I'm really not trying to beat you up - man, how I have SO been in your position (twice now). But people grieve on different timetables, especially the leaver and left. If you didn't expect a response from her, why would you be so worked up?
Author wmrjw82 Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 Not to be off topic, but do situations like this really just come down to... She didn't love me as much as I loved her. I was speaking to a friend of mine tonight and that's pretty much what she thinks it comes down to. She says i'm not ready to face that but I will with time. Because someone who loves you as much as you love them isn't ABLE to leave. I guess that is what makes me want to have a response even more. If you don't love me as much just TELL ME. Be blunt. Be honest. Don't torture me. I don't mean to make it all about me i'm just taking it from the dumpee's point of view. If I no longer cared about someone or suddenly realized that I just didn't love them like that I would immediately let them know. It's not right to make them think things that simply are not real. It's really a difficult sitation....
funkybassplayer Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 a month is not long enough for you or her to sort out your emotions, and if you write something for a responce, that need will jump out at her. Ifyou do write agian, make it about her, and then leave it, but it take s months to be in that space, and i guess at the moment you want answers that she not ready to give you. You have to look after your self, and get your head in a better place.
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