meowmixer Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 My situation is so weird, I couldnt find a good category for it. I am a straight woman in my twenties, engaged to a bisexual man my age whom I've dated for three years and lived with for two. We are deeply commited to eachother and believe in multiple partner relationships, having often discussed the possibility of getting either a mutual boyfriend or a boyfriend for him. Recently, as a ploy for money saving as well as more social contact (we're home-bodies) We moved in with an old work friend. He's about ten years our senior, straight, and been in a relationship dry spell for a while. He both enjoys casual sex and longs for a commited relationship. Lately his biological clock has been ticking a little loud also and he sometimes talks about marriage and a child. My fiance used to have a huge crush on our roommate back when we all worked together, but got over it because he was straight. I never thought twice about our roommate that way until we moved in and I actually got to know him. Here it gets a bit iffy. Anyway, I develop a crush on him, tell my fiance who (without me asking I feel I should point out- I never forced this issue) gives me permission to have sex with our roommate should the occation arrise. He later tell me he told our roommate he could have sex with me also. Anyways, we flirt lightly for a month or so before finally we end up spending the night together. We didnt actually manage to have sex because he was too drunk/nervous to get it up, but we did spent 10 hours sleeping, cuddling, smiling, kissing, making out and all sorts of cute sexy things like that. Now here's the problem. Right now, my roomie and I just did a "sex friends" thing. My fiance is cool with it and thinks nothing of it, my roommate is cool with it and thinks nothing of it, but I'm emotionally hurting. My fiance and I had some issues a while back where he was acting very depressed and spent all day sleeping or reading and never did anything with me. I complained that he only ever wanted to touch when he was going to get sex within the next 5 minutes. We got better for a while, but he seems to have relapsed since starting his new job, and doesnt react to me voicing my upset or concerns. I've lost interest in sleeping with him because he seems to just want to get business done and go back to sleep. Since I started refusing sex on a more often basis (maybe 4 out of 7 requests a week instead of 2) he's been guilting me that I don't care about his sexual needs. I care for him and know he's in a hard time, but the sad, guilty sex is almost intolerable! At the same time, I find myself fantasizing about our roommate. When we had our little fling, he was nicer to me than my fiance had been in the past 6 months! Should I take my fiance's permission to sleep with our roommate and satiate the needs I have that aren't getting met, or do I need to try and cut the roommate out of my thoughts at least until my fiance is feeling better? What do I do? I can't fix my fiance, I can only do what I can, but the sex and lack of attention to me is emotional abuse at this point. I'm just unsure of what to do, any advice?
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