dangerpanda Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Alright, question time. 20 year old woman has never had any kind of relationship or intimacy besides kissing. I am her first love, first boyfriend and her first and only sexual partner. I met her in summer 2003. We kept in touch sporadically online and via phone up until 2005 when I left for the Navy. All the way through boot camp, school, and my first ship she kept in constant touch. She went to Paris in August 2006 for a year international exchange and in November 2006 expressed her attraction to me, she liked me for a long time, she's had these feelings, she'd been watching me with other girls, waiting for her chance, etc and she was happy I liked her too. We started a LDR and she came out to see me in February 2007 for 2 weeks - Valentines Day. This was when she lost her virginity. After she went back to France, we kept it strong. I have always been nice, strong, supportive and caring. We decided next best time to get together was for her birthday and my birthday (Sept 28 - Oct 10 2007). She moved back to California from Paris in July. Around this time I fell pretty hard in love with her and still am. Since returning home to California, she has broken up with me 3 times. Every time, she says it's because "she's confused", she "can't get her heart and mind in sync" and that her friends insisting she needs to spend more time with them, and I don't deserve her. Her friends are all single/casually sleeping around and don't understand/endorse committed relationships. 2 weeks ago, she buys me a ticket to California. She wants me to meet her parents - and I do. The understanding was I come meet the parents, leave for 7 months, come back and we get married and move in together in Washington DC. I was ready to propose and everything. I had the ring the entire time I was there. I am told I can stay at the house and don't have to get a hotel. About two hours later, her friends show up and when the dad asks the friends about me, they tell the dad:we've broken up before,details of arguments,names called back and forthI have multiple girlfriends in the militaryI have cheated on herThey even called me a stalker and falsely accused me or hitting her.The dad asks me to leave. I try to explain and am told to "shut the hell up and get out." Understandable. As I leave the house, she and I end up talking in her driveway for +4 hours. She says she wants to see what else is out there, her friends don't accept me or like me, I may cheat on her in the military, her dad doesn't like me now because "her friends were just trying to look out for me." I leave with the understanding she needs time to cool down and stop being stupid. 2 days later, she changes her number. I have no contact with her the rest of the time I'm in CA (Oct 2 - Oct 10). Upon my return home, she sends me an email saying:she doesn't love me anymore.she hates me.I'm "verbally abusive".She "doesn't want to be a "submissive girlfriend".She has no regrets.Her friends hate me.I need to move on.We were never meant to be together.Since that time, she has kept in touch with my two little sisters and my best friend (guy). All three have brought me up in conversation, and all three times she said she's "keeping busy and trying to move on". Her and I also share 7 or 8 mutual friends and she has told all of them she is moving on and wants nothing to do with me. Currently the mutual friends and her girlfriends (all females) are engaged in some sort of war over whether this was really messed up not. The mutual friends are really supportive of me even though they are all females and have know her longer and despise this group of friends she works/parties with. She is a late bloomer (the girl didn't have her first kiss until she was 19) and I knew there was a risk this 2008 college grad would go "wild" and "want to be free" when I entered into the relationship. But I figured she would - and she was - be faithful and I could have something serious, which is what I'm looking for. From the beginning of the relationship, she stressed:I stood out from all the other guys.She was attracted to my intelligence as well as sexually/physically.I had "a drive that she loves, and a charm that sweeps her off her feet."She liked that I was culturally aware and diverse.She said - many times - she liked that "I know what I want."She wanted to get married almost immediately.Her girlfriends:Don't go to school/college (she's the only one)haven't traveled to Europe/abroad (she just did a year in Paris, int. ex)aren't financially stable (her parents are loaded)they party and club excessively (they have even given her a nickname, "Smashley" because of her low alcohol tolerance.)They had absolutely no contact with her when she left for the year in France. It was not until she returned to America they talked/hung out again.Will she come back? About myself: no tattoosno piercingsno kids/"baby mama" nonsense - no children PERIOD.no drugs - eversocial drinkervery proper/articulate (so I'm told)socially/culturally awareopinionatedpatrioticno kids.stable familystable paystable jobEXCITING job - military intelligencewomen always tell me to smile more, they like my smile, etc.Color me conceded, but I think - and have been told - I'm the perfect "take home guy" - so what happened? I'm military and am leaving for seven months next week, so she's got and I will give her plenty of time to figure out what she wants. I hate the indecisiveness and flakiness. The girl told me she wanted a committed relationship and then apparently changed her mind because her "friends" don't approve. Not to mention the family think I'm some kind of wife beater/player now. Is this feasible or no? I want a serious. committed relationship with her. Distance should not be an issue when I return as I will be in the states for the foreseeable future and she graduates college June 2008. I am more confused and annoyed than hurt. It makes absolutely no sense to me, and is beginning to impact my work/concentration. Tell me what you guys think. Can this work? Fixable? Will she come back?
Jmina Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 she wants to see what else is out there. no she wont come back. give it a year. you might be a great guy, but people dont fall in love because of that...people fall in love with guys that have a lot of issues too. if your a great guy you will leave her alone and take any lessons and be kind to yourself and others and move on without her.
Author dangerpanda Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 She wants to see what else is out there...?
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