Author plainoldjared Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Hmmmmmm, too bad those who see and admire you on the street don't get to perceive so much depth to your thoughts and considerations. It really IS OK to be the guy into whose head they can get... in due time, but with that going for you as well, you'll have even less trouble landing the woman you really do rate. I really CAN understand that being here at Loveshack affords you an important spot where you can create and have some dialog on this topic, and perhaps the many responses and posts keep you from pushing the panic button in haste and calling her and arranging the final rendezvous. It might be wise to step back and consider how great it feels to be investing your inner feelings in SOMEone... and then recognize that the best 'someone' for the job isn't necessarily HER-her. You're at a point where yes, you have considerable emotional/personal investments in HER-her... BUT this is perhaps a spot where her most recent actions have given you breathing room to make whateverfeelslikethebestdecisionfortherestofyourlife very soon. Logic and sound reasoning are easiest to apply to your place in life right NOW... vs. after you've bedded her "one last time" and then evolve to give-into her spell for another X months or X number of years. In truth, it doesn't matter to us out here which decision you make... but we would have most regard for you if it was all-or-nothing either way. To go back just for the f*ck, and then depart for good would merely set you back (what would feel like WEEKS - even though we're talking 3 or 4 days which have felt like weeks). As for now, you're only a weekend or two removed from a trip out with your guy friends and perhaps meeting someone else, while you're fully "single" for the first time in a while. Your call. Im not calling her Im not texting her and I do appreciate having this site at my fingertips. Good people good advice Thanks
jcster Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 She trying to manipulate you. She knew she wasn't going to get your attention any other way, and this is going to give her a tremendous sense of power if you cave. Even if you give her the most mindblowing good-bye f*ck - she's going to interpret it as a win for her. In the meantime, it will be an incredible mindf*ck for you, because you still care. Ignoring this text message from her is the only way to show her that you mean business - she really thinks that she can get you to respond. Revenge rarely works out the way you want it to - If I were you, I'd put that energy into being good to myself - and let her go.
Author plainoldjared Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 She trying to manipulate you. She knew she wasn't going to get your attention any other way, and this is going to give her a tremendous sense of power if you cave. Even if you give her the most mindblowing good-bye f*ck - she's going to interpret it as a win for her. In the meantime, it will be an incredible mindf*ck for you, because you still care. Ignoring this text message from her is the only way to show her that you mean business - she really thinks that she can get you to respond. Revenge rarely works out the way you want it to - If I were you, I'd put that energy into being good to myself - and let her go. Thank you, I will be ignoring her. I thought about it and I dont want to deal with what could happen if I do contact her, shes already done enough.
oppath Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 My ex did the same thing to me, only I was telling her "please don't contact me" instead of just ignoring her. When she asked to be friends with benefits in response, I felt used, and I made a big deal about it. Not the best idea as it made the drama worse. I opt for continuing to ignore her. If you really want to be evil, have her come over and tell her you want her to give you one last blow job, and that you will go down on her while you recover. When she is done with the BJ, tell her "Sorry, but I'm not going to whore myself out to you. I'm not going to let you use me for sex. It doesn't feel good, does it?" Or, you can just say "I already got one of those, so I'm not interested in one with you." Or "Sorry, but I don't sleep with whores." Or "If you'd pull your head out of your ass, you'd realize that when I haven't been responding to you, I was already saying goodbye. Couldn't you hear that message?" Ultimately, you are best ignoring her. I told my ex "I'm not going to whore myself out to you. When you broke up with me you broke up with my cock." It felt good, until she responded with "I was just joking." I only dated her 6 months, not 3 years, so to me, it made things worse, because I then felt our relationship was just a lie and that she was only with me for my cock. I wish I would have ignored EVERYTHING from her. No saying "please, give me space." No responding. I wish I would have just boxed her out, because truthfully, I was doing ok with the breakup the first 2 weeks. It wasn't until the **** buddy drama occurred that I lost it. It's best not to do anything that could lead to further drama. It can only hurt you worse.
squeak Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Ha great parting shot comments! Problem is if you feel you've been manipulated much of the relationship, it is not going to suddenly go your way at the end. Avoidance is good because those things never go as planned, and you;ll be left with her last parting shot, then you'll want one more...well -you see where this is going.
oppath Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Exactly, if you give her a non-sexual parting shot, well, she'll probably fire one back in your direction. That could lead to a lot of hurt on your part as you are in the vulnerable position.
Timberlane Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Many, many years ago (thankfully), my ex of five years invited me over well after our break up. She wanted to go buy something and would I come along. Sure, I said. Later at her apartment, we got close and ended up having sex. To me, it was simply magical really. My body responded immediately to hers like it had missed her. When it was over, she looked at me and said, "Uh, I have to be somewhere in 30 minutes. Do you mind leaving?" Needless to say, I felt pretty stupid. I didn't speak to her again after that. She would call every year to say hello and I would give short answers until she hung up the phone. So essentially, I would say avoid this.
Saxis Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Or you could accept and invite her over. Make sure you are very selfish, bust one off quick, say thanks, show her to the door and tell her you never want to see her again. My serious advice is to ask her not to contact you. If she proceeds, ignore her.
The Joker Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Or, you can just say "I already got one of those, so I'm not interested in one with you." Or "Sorry, but I don't sleep with whores." Or "If you'd pull your head out of your ass, you'd realize that when I haven't been responding to you, I was already saying goodbye. Couldn't you hear that message?" Or i've been waiting for you to say goodbye, but your mouth was full.
Timberlane Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I don't like being vindictive to my exes. In fact, I am still friends with a few of them. I would rather just wish them well and not speak with the bad ones.
oppath Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Or you could accept and invite her over. Make sure you are very selfish, bust one off quick, say thanks, show her to the door and tell her you never want to see her again. My serious advice is to ask her not to contact you. If she proceeds, ignore her. I asked mine this 4 times, telling her "I will contact you in a couple months if I feel we can be friends." After the 4th time, she asked "would you be interested in a friends with benefits relationship?" This was 11 days after our breakup. Since she has already asked him for goodbye sex, I'd just tell her "I'm not going to sleep with someone who broke up with me. It belittles me that you would ask that. I don't care to be in contact with you right now, so I would appreciate it if you would stop." I doubt she will listen though.
Author plainoldjared Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 I didnt contact her and of course at 11ish last night she texted again with "dont you miss me" I didnt respond. This morning I texted her with "I miss who I thought you were. Please dont call me anymore I dont want to have to be a d**k to you." I havent gotten a response since and yea it feels good. I did think about having her come over but I have to say that I totally see the light, I dont want to deal with any potential "what ifs" Now I just need to meet a sweet lady to remind me that there are good people to balance out the bad...
oppath Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 HAHAHAHA. The "don't you miss me bit." When I hear that IN a relationship, I roll my eyes because I know it is manipulation. You handled this well. You asserted your boundaries without referencing her request for sex, and hopefully that will end the drama, because you aren't allowing her the chance to hurt you when you are vulnerable. This woman is not respecting your need for space to heal. Asking you for sex...come on. That is selfish. Everyone knows you can't have sex with someone you love and want a relationship with who does not love you. It takes zero amount of empathetic foresight to realize that. It would be one thing if you were hanging out and flirting to bring it up, but text?!? Her request can be found on aisle five next to the weak sauce. If he keeps contacting you...ignore it. Don't allow the possibility of drama by engaging. Just ignore it.
Kamille Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I didnt contact her and of course at 11ish last night she texted again with "dont you miss me" I didnt respond. This morning I texted her with "I miss who I thought you were. Please dont call me anymore I dont want to have to be a d**k to you." I havent gotten a response since and yea it feels good. I did think about having her come over but I have to say that I totally see the light, I dont want to deal with any potential "what ifs" Now I just need to meet a sweet lady to remind me that there are good people to balance out the bad... Nicely done plainoldJ! Breakups are, sadly, often time a power struggle. I agree with everyone that this was her way of keeping you under her spell. I'm sure she does miss you, likely like crazy, but then why wouldn't she phrase it: I miss you, instead of 'don't you miss me?'. The phrasing has a slight scent of manipulation. She expects you to be in excruciating pain over her - you did well to stay clear of her offer for sex.
Author plainoldjared Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 Nicely done plainoldJ! Breakups are, sadly, often time a power struggle. I agree with everyone that this was her way of keeping you under her spell. I'm sure she does miss you, likely like crazy, but then why wouldn't she phrase it: I miss you, instead of 'don't you miss me?'. The phrasing has a slight scent of manipulation. She expects you to be in excruciating pain over her - you did well to stay clear of her offer for sex. Thank you Kamille, it was such a hard decision. I am done with feeling depressed and disrespected and her effect on me from a simple text made me realize that I really dont have the control when it comes with dealing with her. She knows me well and is using it to her advantage, WTF, the best for me is to keep away from her games.
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