plainoldjared Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Ive posted several times about my breakup. It was a 2 week drawn out mystery battle which finally ended this Friday. Basically my gf (of 3yrs) lied to me about where she was and refuses to tell me the real reason for her pushing away from me so suddenly. Now I've initiated NC, Friday night was the last we spoke. Since that night she has been emailing me calling me and texting me. I havent responded to either, although its hard because I cant deny that I am in love with her and just now getting used to the idea that I dont trust her and I cant be with her because she has no problem with lying to me for mysterious reasons. Ok, so today she sent me a text (I have been reading everything she sends me just not responding) asking if we could have our "goodbye." This threw me off but I didnt respond, now I got another text from her saying "that means sex." Ok naturally I want to. Again Im skeptical, does she really want to have one last night together?
blind_otter Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I would avoid her like the plague. This is just another way to keep you drawn into her web.
Author plainoldjared Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I would avoid her like the plague. This is just another way to keep you drawn into her web. Ah, not at all what I wanted to read haha. First off I havent had sex since the last time I had sex with her, second its only been 2 wks since this all started goin down the drain and frankly I am very frustrated and I wish this were easier.
blind_otter Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Well all breakups are difficult. I would go and hook up with the ex just because you haven't had sex in a while. That's the LAST reason you should have sex with her. I'm telling you, if you go through with this, it will all end in tears. For you.
reboot Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Can you have sex with her without it causing you more pain if that's all it is? Can you have sex with her with no emotions involved? This sounds very manipulative of her, but if you can answer yes to the above questions, maybe it would be ok.
2sunny Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 don't do it honey! she is just going to use you and throw you away like a wet towel...
Cobra_X30 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Ok, so today she sent me a text (I have been reading everything she sends me just not responding) asking if we could have our "goodbye." This threw me off but I didnt respond, now I got another text from her saying "that means sex." Ok naturally I want to. Again Im skeptical, does she really want to have one last night together? Soooo... what is there to think about? I'd try to make that goodbye last a few months!
blind_otter Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Soooo... what is there to think about? I'd try to make that goodbye last a few months! Wow. That sounds SO sad and desperate. How unattractive.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Wow. That sounds SO sad and desperate. How unattractive. Sad? Desperate? How so? If you object to the idea of FWB relationships in general... I can understand that. Otherwise I'm not really sure what you mean?
Quinch Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 If you're going to go No Contact, that means genitals too. You're defeating the whole purpose of the exercise.
Author plainoldjared Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Well all breakups are difficult. I would go and hook up with the ex just because you haven't had sex in a while. That's the LAST reason you should have sex with her. I'm telling you, if you go through with this, it will all end in tears. For you. Oh see, I was having a hard time last week accepting that it was over but as of Friday night I made my decision and thats it. She made it very clear that she didnt care to be in a relationship with me and if shes changed her mind now she should have thought about that during the 2 wks that I was trying to talk to her. Can you have sex with her without it causing you more pain if that's all it is? Can you have sex with her with no emotions involved? This sounds very manipulative of her, but if you can answer yes to the above questions, maybe it would be ok. I would say a week ago, this would be a bad idea because I was still completely naive to the fact that she could give a damn about my feelings and the fact that we had a lovely relationship for 3 yrs. Truthfully I want to have sex with her just so she knows what she'll never get again... Soooo... what is there to think about? I'd try to make that goodbye last a few months! Hm, I dont need her for sex I can take care of that alone but I do want to give her an amazing goodbye orgasm. I like to think that I will meet a nice girl very soon so I can survive but I do really want the sweet satisfaction of knowing she came to me...
Author plainoldjared Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 If you're going to go No Contact, that means genitals too. You're defeating the whole purpose of the exercise. I know, this is also another good point that I was pondering. I dont want her to think that Im responding to her because I still want to get back with her. I know my reasons are childish and mean but she hurt me and she made me feel so terrible that I just want to do the same to her. Sex is probably not the best way to get my sweet satisfaction but I cant think of any other way. I considered flaunting a beautiful woman around her but I dont want to bring an unsuspecting 3rd party into the mix. I want to walk in be myself have great sex and never talk to her again. In a way that parallels what she did to me. We had a great relationship for 3 yrs and one Sunday afternoon she decided she was done with me and said "nope I dont want to talk about it, its just over"
Cobra_X30 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I know, this is also another good point that I was pondering. I dont want her to think that Im responding to her because I still want to get back with her. I know my reasons are childish and mean but she hurt me and she made me feel so terrible that I just want to do the same to her. Well, if your considering this as revenge then I change my vote! She is the one making overtures. That means technically she is going to be using you! Doesnt matter how good you are in the sack. Listen, we are Men... We dont need to apologize or feel bad for needing or wanting sex. But if you think this is going to make her miss you or want you... Dont do it! Your going to hurt yourself in the end!
Author plainoldjared Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Well, if your considering this as revenge then I change my vote! She is the one making overtures. That means technically she is going to be using you! Doesnt matter how good you are in the sack. Listen, we are Men... We dont need to apologize or feel bad for needing or wanting sex. But if you think this is going to make her miss you or want you... Dont do it! Your going to hurt yourself in the end! Its not that I think my incredible love making skills will make her miss me its the whole situation. I was good to her she was good to me we had a great connection and sex was amazing, we even looked good together. I want to give her a reminder of all of this and then never speak to her again... I sound like a jerk, ****e, you do have a point my man...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Ive posted several times about my breakup. It was a 2 week drawn out mystery battle which finally ended this Friday. Basically my gf (of 3yrs) lied to me about where she was and refuses to tell me the real reason for her pushing away from me so suddenly. Now I've initiated NC, Friday night was the last we spoke. Since that night she has been emailing me calling me and texting me. I havent responded to either, although its hard because I cant deny that I am in love with her and just now getting used to the idea that I dont trust her and I cant be with her because she has no problem with lying to me for mysterious reasons. Ok, so today she sent me a text (I have been reading everything she sends me just not responding) asking if we could have our "goodbye." This threw me off but I didnt respond, now I got another text from her saying "that means sex." Ok naturally I want to. Again Im skeptical, does she really want to have one last night together? Dude, I recall stopping at one of your posts yesterday, randomly, because you were seeming to be doing such a good job in response to your breakup, and to your ex. To give in to this would be a complete f*ck-up on your part! Because the woman clearly offered "sex" as your collective "goodbye"... you do not even have/need/want to MEET HER in any way, shape or form. You appear to be a guy who won't have too much difficulty meeting someone... and sooner or later the right one... so I really do guess that you could do without this one more chance at the (feminine flesh with which you have become so familiar). It would help you to remain weeks further down the path, instead of setting yourself back so far with one false move. Had she been wronged in any way by the breakup, she would be resentful and hurt and mad, and not offering a free f*ck as a bon voyage. This implies that you WERE appropriate and sensible in making YOUR DECISION to end the relationship. ... with emphasis on END the relationship... People who don't have enough regard for their mates NEEEEEEEED to go through break-up after break-up (with good people) until such time as when they finally learn that they just can't treat lovers that way and hope to get away with it. Perhaps many years down the line she will fall in line with those out here who would be appropriate to and considerate of others, and who only then are truly ready to share an adult relationship. The woman was wrong in what she did, and you boldly stood up for yourself and called her on it, and now the strong thing to do is to keep going and never look back.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Its not that I think my incredible love making skills will make her miss me its the whole situation. I was good to her she was good to me we had a great connection and sex was amazing, we even looked good together. I want to give her a reminder of all of this and then never speak to her again... I sound like a jerk, ****e, you do have a point my man... I'm a vindictive A**hole, so sounding like a jerk doesnt bother me. What scares me is the amount of emotion your still putting on her! You care too much. To satisfy your revenge urge, maybe you should just text her back saying that you're not really interested. I mean to be totally honest if you really just want to get her back... all you need to do is reject her. Or say... "Ok, I'll do this just for you! But you need to promise that your going to try hard and be good at it this time, cause youve been aweful in the past. Now I'm pretty much over you... so this isnt something I'm willing to overlook in a FWB relationship!"
Author plainoldjared Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Dude, I recall stopping at one of your posts yesterday, randomly, because you were seeming to be doing such a good job in response to your breakup, and to your ex. To give in to this would be a complete f*ck-up on your part! Because the woman clearly offered "sex" as your collective "goodbye"... you do not even have/need/want to MEET HER in any way, shape or form. You appear to be a guy who won't have too much difficulty meeting someone... and sooner or later the right one... so I really do guess that you could do without this one more chance at the (feminine flesh with which you have become so familiar). It would help you to remain weeks further down the path, instead of setting yourself back so far with one false move. Had she been wronged in any way by the breakup, she would be resentful and hurt and mad, and not offering a free f*ck as a bon voyage. This implies that you WERE appropriate and sensible in making YOUR DECISION to end the relationship. ... with emphasis on END the relationship... People who don't have enough regard for their mates NEEEEEEEED to go through break-up after break-up (with good people) until such time as when they finally learn that they just can't treat lovers that way and hope to get away with it. Perhaps many years down the line she will fall in line with those out here who would be appropriate to and considerate of others, and who only then are truly ready to share an adult relationship. The woman was wrong in what she did, and you boldly stood up for yourself and called her on it, and now the strong thing to do is to keep going and never look back. Thank goodness for this site. I of course did not answer her text yet, mostly because I know my motives arent great. I mean revenge thats it thats my only motive, I know Ive never had to deal with this which is the primary reason that my mind is going a mile a minute and in all different directions. Im not going to respond to her not even to say "forget about it" This is hard, very very hard but everyone here makes a d*** good point.
Author plainoldjared Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I'm a vindictive A**hole, so sounding like a jerk doesnt bother me. What scares me is the amount of emotion your still putting on her! You care too much. To satisfy your revenge urge, maybe you should just text her back saying that you're not really interested. I mean to be totally honest if you really just want to get her back... all you need to do is reject her. Or say... "Ok, I'll do this just for you! But you need to promise that your going to try hard and be good at it this time, cause youve been aweful in the past. Now I'm pretty much over you... so this isnt something I'm willing to overlook in a FWB relationship!" Dude, F yes! I think I retract my prior statement and I will send her a text back. I do have emotions invested in this, that much I know so I cant decide if my response will be "not interested" or "Ok, just for you but make it good" I dont know, I might just not respond all together.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Dude, F yes! I think I retract my prior statement and I will send her a text back. I do have emotions invested in this, that much I know so I cant decide if my response will be "not interested" or "Ok, just for you but make it good" I dont know, I might just not respond all together. Told you, I'm a prick!
Lizzie60 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I would say a week ago, this would be a bad idea because I was still completely naive to the fact that she could give a damn about my feelings and the fact that we had a lovely relationship for 3 yrs. Truthfully I want to have sex with her just so she knows what she'll never get again... WOW... how do you know she will never get that again... she might get much better... I think, from what I read, that you won't resist her... she has some control over you and she knows that... She can manipulate you because she knows you are very much in love with her still... I don't think she is, to be honest with you... she will use you... simple... and you will let her... and you know that... but no one can make those choices for you... you are a grown-up!
Author plainoldjared Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I would say a week ago, this would be a bad idea because I was still completely naive to the fact that she could give a damn about my feelings and the fact that we had a lovely relationship for 3 yrs. Truthfully I want to have sex with her just so she knows what she'll never get again... WOW... how do you know she will never get that again... she might get much better... I think, from what I read, that you won't resist her... she has some control over you and she knows that... She can manipulate you because she knows you are very much in love with her still... I don't think she is, to be honest with you... she will use you... simple... and you will let her... and you know that... but no one can make those choices for you... you are a grown-up! haha, yes that was a very defensive remark on my part... if youre interested in how my thoughts have progressed read above... she does have control over me I do love her and I am hurt all of it just sounds bad, I keep trying to put myself in the observer shoes and when I do everything seems very clear and I know what needs to be done but then she sends me these messages some sweet some just outright nasty (her trying to use sex to control me) and thats when I get crazy ...
The Joker Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I would say a week ago, this would be a bad idea because I was still completely naive to the fact that she could give a damn about my feelings and the fact that we had a lovely relationship for 3 yrs. Truthfully I want to have sex with her just so she knows what she'll never get again... WOW... how do you know she will never get that again... she might get much better... I think, from what I read, that you won't resist her... she has some control over you and she knows that... She can manipulate you because she knows you are very much in love with her still... I don't think she is, to be honest with you... she will use you... simple... and you will let her... and you know that... but no one can make those choices for you... you are a grown-up! I agree with lizzie, she's using it as bait so he breaks no contact. Why else ask for a final goodbye laced with the sex (you) will be missing. If she did not feel you were a manipulation candidate she would not have said that. Drain the last of your pride like an emotional vampire. Then boot you! to the curb. You are grown up enough to make the choice that suits you best, and yes you must live with the decisions you make as well.
Lizzie60 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 haha, yes that was a very defensive remark on my part... if youre interested in how my thoughts have progressed read above... she does have control over me I do love her and I am hurt all of it just sounds bad, I keep trying to put myself in the observer shoes and when I do everything seems very clear and I know what needs to be done but then she sends me these messages some sweet some just outright nasty (her trying to use sex to control me) and thats when I get crazy ... From what I read here.. you know very well what you're getting into... now it's up to you to have control over your emotions. Good luck!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 haha, yes that was a very defensive remark on my part... if youre interested in how my thoughts have progressed read above... she does have control over me I do love her and I am hurt all of it just sounds bad, I keep trying to put myself in the observer shoes and when I do everything seems very clear and I know what needs to be done but then she sends me these messages some sweet some just outright nasty (her trying to use sex to control me) and thats when I get crazy ... Hmmmmmm, too bad those who see and admire you on the street don't get to perceive so much depth to your thoughts and considerations. It really IS OK to be the guy into whose head they can get... in due time, but with that going for you as well, you'll have even less trouble landing the woman you really do rate. I really CAN understand that being here at Loveshack affords you an important spot where you can create and have some dialog on this topic, and perhaps the many responses and posts keep you from pushing the panic button in haste and calling her and arranging the final rendezvous. It might be wise to step back and consider how great it feels to be investing your inner feelings in SOMEone... and then recognize that the best 'someone' for the job isn't necessarily HER-her. You're at a point where yes, you have considerable emotional/personal investments in HER-her... BUT this is perhaps a spot where her most recent actions have given you breathing room to make whateverfeelslikethebestdecisionfortherestofyourlife very soon. Logic and sound reasoning are easiest to apply to your place in life right NOW... vs. after you've bedded her "one last time" and then evolve to give-into her spell for another X months or X number of years. In truth, it doesn't matter to us out here which decision you make... but we would have most regard for you if it was all-or-nothing either way. To go back just for the f*ck, and then depart for good would merely set you back (what would feel like WEEKS - even though we're talking 3 or 4 days which have felt like weeks). As for now, you're only a weekend or two removed from a trip out with your guy friends and perhaps meeting someone else, while you're fully "single" for the first time in a while. Your call.
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