empress Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 bks, its very sad that i sending you another eamil again... sigh. you are pulling back again... once again.. donno how many time i have to repeat this... it seems like whenever you pullin back... and put a distants again, i have to try my best, but down the fact that i am a girl to pull the distants back again.. do you realise that you always very ya ya in front of me... and i now make the initiative to get close to you most of the time... for once.. have you ever think that i am a girl? and have you ever hold me tight and letting me feel that i am appreciated? i am like a the rest of the gilr, i do need to feel that i am appreciated and feel wanted too you know... i know your style.. but i am searching for my own answer most of the time without any clue... i basically think and feel that you really put me on secondary... and ashame that i am close to you... maybe i really not good enough for you? my ex did that to me, and he told me that, and that feeling sucks... and killing me each time when you doing some action or say things that making me feel like a second class or secondary. i know its gonna push you further if i send you this email... but i think i can only talk to you about this through email than talking to you.. you dont willing to talk about this at all.. each time if i wanted to talk to you more about this, you are just hiding or avoid.. letting me alone and search for my own road.. each time when i wanna complaint or show that i am not happy.. you dont bother me at all.. you can just dissapear for very long and really treat me like a nobody to you.. and you dont even care about me at all...you confidently know that i will be back to you again, then you start the coldness again, and i have to try my best to break the ice again... its like a circle.. few times happen once... i am tired, really tired... when isit my turn to feel appreciated.. when wil you hold me tight... you can dont contact me for as long as you can.. untill i call you again, and you will sounds like nothing happen... i cant take it. i am a human too, with fresh and blood. with feelings and emotion. its this what you call me emotionally disable? am i really to you? all this year.. i am looking forward to move one step nearer to your heart.. but i think its drifted further.. i think i lost the chance few years back.. but i am still holding on.. hoping that the miracle will happen one day... i hate x'mas and new year. that is the period that i feel that you not include me in your life at all! that i am nothing to you.. and thats the period that shows that i am just nobody than anyone of your friends! i hate this! i hate going through this period... i dont even dare to send this out.. scared that i really lost you this time.. and it will be no turning back for me... **************************************************************** i am really in pain for the past 5 years!
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