Jamie.Ashe Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I have a couple of questions really. One is, how can I be more confident around the guy I like? That would probably help me in all aspects of dating. I can talk to my crush fine, I've had a few good conversations with him, it's just that I'm shy and sometimes feel like I am not attractive enough for him to like me, and I have trouble thinking of things to talk about sometimes. So how can I become more confident so that I am able to talk to the guy and get to know him better? That sort of leads into my next question, which is what is the BEST way to get closer to someone you are interested in? For a while I thought he liked me, but now I am not sure. I am really bad at reading signals and we might both be giving each other mixed signals because we don't know each other that well yet. I'm just so bad at reading signals... so last question, what kind of signals should I be looking for, and what are good signals for me to do to show him I am interested until I am READY to tell him? If you want any additional info on me or him and what's going on exactly, feel free to ask me any questions and I'll try to give you some info to help you answer. Thanks in advance for your help, everyone!
MR2Aaron Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 This seems like the sort of thing that should be a sticky in this forum. For the sake of being able to offer you more specific advice, why do you tell us a little more about the situation? How old are you? How do you know this guy? What do you have in common with him? If there's anything that frustrates me about women, and infuriates me about girls is that they insist on playing stupid horse**** games. Don't insist on making him deal with any of your friends, or try to pique his interest by having anyone else talk to him. Make it obvious you're interested by at least trying to spend time with him without any other pretense than socializing (don't justify it by saying you need help with your homework or have to drop off something your brother borrowed). I remember two separate occasions where girls tried to do this to me when I was younger, but I didn't realize it at the time because the excuse they had for talking to me was too believable, so I took them at their word that whatever it was they'd approached me about was actually the reason they wanted to talk to me. If, instead, they had approached me asking if I had plans for the weekend or just said "What's up?" I'd have caught on.
Author Jamie.Ashe Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 Well, for something more specific, I'm 19, he's 20. We're in college together and he just started hanging out with my group of friends this year. What we've got in common is our taste in movies and music, for one thing. And we both really hate laundry... haha we found that out through a conversation we had. I just really like him because he is nice to me, but I can't tell if he would be interested in me as more than a friend, or if he is just being friendly. When we are in a group I can't really talk to him. Everyone is having one big conversation, and there's never any one on one really. So that makes it too hard to just turn to him and say, so how was your day, etc. because all our friends are around and it's just too difficult to get a good one on one conversation going. We are supposed to watch a movie this week but it might end up being all of our friends watching it with us. He doesn't seem to act like he likes me unless I just can't read signals... so I'm still confused on what to do. I don't know what to do to get closer to him besides hanging out with him alone, but I don't know how to get us to be alone without all our other friends around. How do I get us to hang out alone, since it's really hard to find times for us to hang out when all our other friends are busy? And how do I get up the confidence and courage to ask him to hang out alone?
Yamaha Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 If he seeks you out and wants to spend one-on-one time with you then he likes you. Guys do not spend lots of time with a girl that they are not attracted to. As for confidence, you need to realize that you are an awesome person and HE would be lucky to get you. Don't down yourself, let him see the person you are and let your personality shine.
Author Jamie.Ashe Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 Thanks for the advice on confidence, I will try not to view him as someone I need to gain approval from... I will try to view him as someone I am just getting to know better. I know that he at LEAST likes me as a friend, since he hangs out with me sometimes. Sometimes he acts like he wants to spend one on one time with me... for example, one night he was going to drive me back to my house and I mentioned I was hungry so he asked if I wanted to go get some food or something. I said yeah... but I don't have any money. But then he offered to pay for me. So we went and he bought me some food and we talked for a while. And he expressed interest in hanging out again but we haven't yet, and since then he hasn't really said anything about hanging out. Do I need to make a move here or something? I'm just worried that if I ask him if he wants to watch a movie or something, it will end up being me and him and all our friends, but I feel like it's being way too forward to say "just the two of us." It puts pressure on the situation, you know what I mean? I just really don't know what the next step to take is.
Yamaha Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 You need to flirt with him a little. Let him know you like him without having to tell him outright so if he doesn't feel the same you and he will not feel awkward or embarrassed. Take small steps and give him eye contact, laugh at his jokes, touch him when you get the chance and get closer than you would with just a friend. His actions sound more friendly right now but I would slowly let him know you would like more and see how he responds.
Kamille Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 I second Yamaha. Take it upon yourself to let him know you are interested in more. I find that the best way to do this is to touch him on the arm while you're talking to him - with a confident smile on your face.
shenandoah Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 ha! i don't have the answer- but i know how you feel- people i dont fancy fancy me, because i'm relaxed around them and i'm myself- people i do fancy think i'm devoid of personality cos i clam up! to give you an example- this guy i fancied knows a mutual friend who said of me "shes such a laugh, a real chatterbox- you never shut her up!" This guy said "what? her? she is dead quiet and hardly says a word!" Dammit!!
RaideNx Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 well...1st...make sure u make good friends with him... always have ur mood in good shape as in show him ur a good person to tlk with...next...hang out alot and show him in some way that u care alot 4 him. but rememember...be confident...show that person that u dont like to put ur self down...from there...u should know by the feelings he shows u...OK. but be patient and dont let anyone else steal that person..ok and if so...show that u r different and that u would never do stupid hings that will hurt him/her....OK... so can u help me? im in a bad problem...and well i think i already messed up but i know 4 a fact that it is never late to get her back....i just...want to know how i can get all that trust and feeling from her back...plz...will u help....?
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