Woggle Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 There are some women that can vastly improve their relationships if they follow this article. http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/4/why-dont-men-talk-like-women-do
squeak Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 this was a good read, thanks woggle! these parts I have to memorize: Say this: "Let's go for a drive." Not: "Let's sit down and talk." Because: Men are less tense when they're doing something physical. Say anything: Once Not: Ten times Because: To a guy, repetition makes a statement meaningless. He says, "Fine," in response to a question about how his day was. Fine. If something significant happened, he'll tell you -- in a few hours. 27: Percentage of men who say they primarily fight with their wives or girlfriends about the fact that they don't share or talk about their feelings. 65: Percentage of men who don't want their partners to ask more questions about them. I have a question to as you-why do guys hate it so much when a woman brings something up repeatedly? Every few months I'll remember something that made me insecure in our early dating stage, and even though we may have talked about it-I'll need reassurance again. Then I will bring it up so he could reassure me. Then he gets upset, and thinks I am harassing him, then neither of us gets what we wanted. How is a woman supposed to bring up something that she needs reassurance on, even if it was discussed before? Because according to the article-bring it up once and then consider it over. But I can't do that. What do you recommend? I hate keeping thoughts inside.
Mz. Pixie Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Nice..... For something to help men with women google, Walk Away Wife syndrome.
sweetie7 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 hahaha. That was a good article...I kinda think it's all stuff we really already know, just have a difficult time coming to terms with/following through with. Maybe it's just in our nature? I like April because she's so straightforward and I laugh all the time when I read her stuff. http://www.askapril.com/dating_tips_understanding_men-147.html
plainoldjared Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I have a question to as you-why do guys hate it so much when a woman brings something up repeatedly? Every few months I'll remember something that made me insecure in our early dating stage, and even though we may have talked about it-I'll need reassurance again. Then I will bring it up so he could reassure me. Then he gets upset, and thinks I am harassing him, then neither of us gets what we wanted. How is a woman supposed to bring up something that she needs reassurance on, even if it was discussed before? Because according to the article-bring it up once and then consider it over. But I can't do that. What do you recommend? I hate keeping thoughts inside. The problem that I have with having the same issue brought up again after we've come to a good solution is that it makes me feel insecure to think that all along I thought everything was fine and you've been thinking the opposite. In otherwords its the loss of control in the situation, I hate feeling like Ive failed at making my woman feel anything but amazing. If shes bringing up an issue that I thought we had resolved that means the I didnt do it right and even worse Ive been doing it wrong this whole time. Just like a woman crying, see I can handle seeing a woman cry but it hurts because I know theres nothing I can do but wait for it to be better. Its scary konwing that someone you love is in pain and you cant fix it. We're men we can fix anything! Haha
tanbark813 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I have a question to as you-why do guys hate it so much when a woman brings something up repeatedly? Every few months I'll remember something that made me insecure in our early dating stage, and even though we may have talked about it-I'll need reassurance again. Personally, I think it has to do with what the article said regarding men thinking in terms of problem-solution. You brought it up in the past and it was talked about until solved. Bringing it up again kind of implies that the past conversation didn't actually solve the problem. Plus, if you've brought it up multiple times, then the guy starts to think, "Well, what's the point discussing it again? It wasn't solved the last 3 times, why would it be solved now?" It almost seems pointless. I'm not saying it is pointless, though. One thing I've learned from female friends is that you don't always have to respond with a solution. Sometimes women just need to vent. But guys like to fix things, so we tend to think in those terms.
serial muse Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 You know, I enjoyed that. But come on - "five" means "two," not "twelve."
Author Woggle Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 What it all boils down to is that if women just learned to relax they would be a whole lot happier and a whole lot more enjoyable to be around. If a man enjoys a woman's company he will naturally open up but if he feels like he is being interogated every time he talks to her he will close up.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 How is a woman supposed to bring up something that she needs reassurance on, even if it was discussed before? Because according to the article-bring it up once and then consider it over. But I can't do that. What do you recommend? I hate keeping thoughts inside. Its so simple that it typically isnt even considered. Tell him why before you ask the question! Sometimes a simple here is what I'm feeling can you help me with some reassurance, will get you what you need.
squeak Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Its so simple that it typically isnt even considered. Tell him why before you ask the question! Sometimes a simple here is what I'm feeling can you help me with some reassurance, will get you what you need. Thanks tanbark, plainoljared and cobra and woggle. I often have no idea how men think and projecting the way a woman's brain seems to work on them is never a good solution.
Timberlane Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Personally, I think it has to do with what the article said regarding men thinking in terms of problem-solution. You brought it up in the past and it was talked about until solved. Bringing it up again kind of implies that the past conversation didn't actually solve the problem. Plus, if you've brought it up multiple times, then the guy starts to think, "Well, what's the point discussing it again? It wasn't solved the last 3 times, why would it be solved now?" It almost seems pointless. I'm not saying it is pointless, though. One thing I've learned from female friends is that you don't always have to respond with a solution. Sometimes women just need to vent. But guys like to fix things, so we tend to think in those terms. I have to say that this issue is probably one of the ones that resonates the most with me. It drives me insane when some unsolvable problem keeps getting dredged up over and over. I don't enjoy the third and fourth iteration. But I do get the need to vent. The thing is, many of the women I have dated don't have a venting tone of voice and a problem solving tone of voice. So you don't always know hot to take it.
squeak Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I have to say that this issue is probably one of the ones that resonates the most with me. It drives me insane when some unsolvable problem keeps getting dredged up over and over. I don't enjoy the third and fourth iteration. But I do get the need to vent. The thing is, many of the women I have dated don't have a venting tone of voice and a problem solving tone of voice. So you don't always know hot to take it. How would you describe a good venting down of voice/problem solving tone?
Timberlane Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 How would you describe a good venting down of voice/problem solving tone? When one vents, they tend to talk a little lower and look off in the distance at times. They also will shrug their shoulders, smirk, and show other body language that indicates that they don't see a solution really but just needed to talk. People who expect a solution will make more eye contact, almost as if they are hanging on your every word in response. They will increase the tone of voice almost like asking a question.
squeak Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 When one vents, they tend to talk a little lower and look off in the distance at times. They also will shrug their shoulders, smirk, and show other body language that indicates that they don't see a solution really but just needed to talk. People who expect a solution will make more eye contact, almost as if they are hanging on your every word in response. They will increase the tone of voice almost like asking a question. Oh no! I absolutely do the negative part!! And yet I thought I was being so calm did not realize how that comes off....
Timberlane Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Oh no! I absolutely do the negative part!! And yet I thought I was being so calm did not realize how that comes off.... Yes. That's why we imprisoned your Venusian ambassador recently. She was apparently only complaining about the shellfish. We thought she said you were sending in troops. Sorry about that mix up.
serial muse Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I have to say that this issue is probably one of the ones that resonates the most with me. It drives me insane when some unsolvable problem keeps getting dredged up over and over. I don't enjoy the third and fourth iteration. But I do get the need to vent. The thing is, many of the women I have dated don't have a venting tone of voice and a problem solving tone of voice. So you don't always know hot to take it. This is interesting. I actually do use those two different tones you described, Timber, to indicate different ways I want to approach a conversation. I've found, though, that it isn't really enough to let my partner know when I just want to vent. Pretty much (and I think that article backs me up on this unscientific opinion ) I think you kind of just have to say so outright.
lino Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I have a question to as you-why do guys hate it so much when a woman brings something up repeatedly? Every few months I'll remember something that made me insecure in our early dating stage, and even though we may have talked about it-I'll need reassurance again. Then I will bring it up so he could reassure me. Then he gets upset, and thinks I am harassing him, then neither of us gets what we wanted. How is a woman supposed to bring up something that she needs reassurance on, even if it was discussed before? Because according to the article-bring it up once and then consider it over. But I can't do that. What do you recommend? I hate keeping thoughts inside. For me it's hard to answer this without you specifically giving an example of something you'd repeatedly bring up. If you don't mind, could you give such an example? What it all boils down to is that if women just learned to relax they would be a whole lot happier and a whole lot more enjoyable to be around. If a man enjoys a woman's company he will naturally open up but if he feels like he is being interogated every time he talks to her he will close up. So how can we get them to learn this? I think any attempts have failed so far
birdie Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 There are some women that can vastly improve their relationships if they follow this article. http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/4/why-dont-men-talk-like-women-do seems that I'm the only one that disagrees. I think this article is about providing yet another cop-out for men and hide behind. the fact is that men often don't talk about feelings because they don't WANT to not because they can't. all this men from Mars women are from Venus and different communication patterns is a load of rubbish. there is no scientific evidence for it.
tanbark813 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 men often don't talk about feelings because they don't WANT to not because they can't. Even if that's true it doesn't mean it's wrong. Since when do we have to like something just because you do? Walk around with this much testosterone inside you and you'd prefer to break things over talking about feelings too.
latefragment Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I completely agree with you, Birdie. I believe there is some truth to the different communication styles, but SO WHAT. The onus to adapt to different genders' communication style shouldnt' fall on the woman.
tanbark813 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 The onus to adapt to different genders' communication style shouldnt' fall on the woman. It should fall to both.
Pyro Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Even if that's true it doesn't mean it's wrong. Since when do we have to like something just because you do? Walk around with this much testosterone inside you and you'd prefer to break things over talking about feelings too. I wish that I could tell you just how much easier and stress free it is to be able to have open communication instead of bottling it up.
tanbark813 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I wish that I could tell you just how much easier and stress free it is to be able to have open communication instead of bottling it up. Who said anything about bottling anything up?
Pyro Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Who said anything about bottling anything up? Sorry, the post came out the wrong way. I wasn't directing it at you. I was speaking in general terms. Your post said that its alright to not talk about feelings, so I assumed that it meant bottling up the emotions inside.
Recommended Posts