Ursula Coyote Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I just don't get it..... I’ve been friends with a guy for over a year now….he’s pushed for more than friends for a long time, but I said no because he was in a committed relationship. I told him if he broke up and took some time to get over his engagement that we could give it a try. Well, time goes by, he still pushes to be more than friends…..but has also finally broken up with his fiancé. He’s very bitter and broken over how badly she treated him and I again tell him to take some time to heal before we try for a relationship. He says things like he has “nothing but time” and that he’s serous about “making a go of it with me”. I’ve been a good friend and have always been there for him. There have been some good times and I care very deeply for him, but have tried to keep my distance due to his ‘then’ current relationship. So what’s his answer to ‘take some time to heal’….he goes and gets himself a ‘friend with benefits’. I just don’t get it….how can a guy say he cares for you so much, and then go and start sleeping with someone else the minute his fiancé finally moves out? He didn’t even give a relationship with me a chance. I’m absolutely devastated and have been miserable….I feel betrayed and missled. I finally confronted him the other day and his answer is that he thinks he’s ‘saving’ me from him. He says he doesn’t think he’d be good for me and that I’m one of his nearest and dearest friends. He says his feelings haven’t changed for me but he turns around and sleeps with another woman after pursuing me all through his relationship with his fiancé. I just don’t get it….how can guys be so cruel! He desperately doesn’t want to loose me as a friend….but I’m devastated and heartbroken. It hurts so much I can barely stand it. I want to make distance and cut off contact, but he’s my neighbour! How do you not see your neighbour? How do you create distance in a situation like this? I don’t know how you can not see him….and worst of all….who he’s sleeping with. Any advice on how to distance myself? Anyone have any insight into why he would do this? UC
birdie Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 well, the fact that he wanted to sleep with you while he was engaged doesn't really say much for his character, does it? would you really want to go out with somebody who is a bedhopper? I wouldn't have an issue with the fact that he is sleeping around now after coming out of the committed relationship but he has been mucking you about for a while. I don't understand why you are still talking to him. you have to learn to look after yourself better! the 'saving' bit is total BS. some men are not relationship material.
Author Ursula Coyote Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Uhg....I know and I'm beating my head against the wall for this one. It started out innocently enough. We met and clicked really well as friends. It was one of those things that developed naturally. I should have guarded my feelings better and not developed an attachment. We all know hind sight is always 20/20. I suppose I should be happy he doesn’t want to screw around with me, but only be friends. It just sucks big-time to have fallen for it hook, line and sinker!. He seems so sincere and I truly believe he has real feelings. I just don’t think he knows what he wants. Either way, he is not at a time in his life where he can have a healthy relationship.
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