Tom Donovan Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I am new to this forum and thought a second/third/xx opinion might be helpful!!! My wife and I have been married 10 years and we went through a rough patch some 3 years ago. She has had a male friend (who’s divorced in the meantime and always seemed to want more than just a plain friendship…) whom I once threw out of our house as he was quite obviously flirting with her. He lives abroad (the UK) while we live in Switzerland. I told her then that I didn’t want her to continue seeing/talking to him. In the meantime, I once found a Valentine’s card he had sent her and last year the following message on her mobile, from him, just two days before she went to a congress out of town: „What r your timings? Have bin at wk all w’end. Will look for flights later. Hope U r well. Moi“. I’ve also seen a few text messages exchanged between them since and noticed they had been calling – when I was out of town. Now last week my wife went to another congress in Paris and the day before she left I saw the following text message on her mobile: „tried to call U. Got your mail. Good that U managed to get it. Looking fwd. Call me this after if U can Pls. Moi“. I confronted her and she claims they haven’t been in contact and she didn’t know whose number it was (although, as I found out, the number is saved under his initials on her mobile). To me those are all tell-tale signs of an affair…or do you think I am misinterpreting the signs, maybe suffering from a severe bout of paranoia???
Cobra_X30 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 No your not paraniod. Actually it's more like your wife thinks your stupid. What do you plan to do?
Bryanp Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Hello, I think it looks pretty obvious that something is up. You caught your wife lying to you about the messages on the phone. In addition, this man has a history of trying to flirt with your wife. The fact that she lied to you about the phone messages is a very bad sign. If the roles were reversed how do you think your wife would be acting? It sounds like she has been seeing him on her trips. I agree with the previous poster. I think your wife thinks you are stupid. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Good Luck.
RamChops Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Sorry Tom, looks like fire to me. Agree with the previous posters, she is playing you. She will never likely tell you the full truth about things, whether it's to save the marriage, to avoid hurting you or for some other reason. But from what you've said you don't need to catch them in bed together to know that something's afoot. To let you know, I am commenting on this from the perspective of someone who is seeing an MW (married woman). She tells her H the same lies, the messages are in a similar vein, she and I even met up when she went interstate for work recently. I am sorry for any pain that you may suffer in all this. Good luck.
Author Tom Donovan Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Thanks, guys! Partly relieved as it's not my head that needs examining, partly p.o.'d as it seems that obvious. She'll be back tomorrow - will confront her and I don't think I am willing or capable of forgiving her again. Will keep you posted.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Thanks, guys! Partly relieved as it's not my head that needs examining, partly p.o.'d as it seems that obvious. She'll be back tomorrow - will confront her and I don't think I am willing or capable of forgiving her again. Will keep you posted. When you confront her you need to be prepared in advance to hear her lie and deny! You need to be a pitbull! For some reason she no longer respects you. Dont take her lies... I dont think you need to even find holes in them, I mean do it if you can, but just be steadfast that she is shoveling a load of poop your way. Just act like you already know everything and this is her one chance to come 100% clean or be immediately dumped!
Mz. Pixie Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I'd say there is definitely something going on. Put a keylogger on the computer and get her cell phone records before you confront her. Have enough evidence. WHen you confront her she is going to try to turn the tables to you snooping on her- do not let her!!!
silktricks Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I don't know if it's fire as far as an actual affair (but that may just be me playing my PollyAnna role). But she is certainly lying to you, and that is NOT acceptable. I can hear her (in my mind's ear) saying something to the effect of "we are just friends, and it's not fair for you to dictate to me who my friends should be"..... Tell her that it IS fair for you to require that she drop a friend that flirts with her even in front of you - showing utmost disdain of your marriage. And that it is NOT fair for her to lie about anything to you, but most especially not contact with another man. Good luck.
reboot Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 "we are just friends, and it's not fair for you to dictate to me who my friends should be".....Yeah, famous last words.
reservoirdog1 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 "we are just friends, and it's not fair for you to dictate to me who my friends should be". Yup, maybe it wouldn't be fair of him to do that. But it would be totally fair of him to dictate who his OWN friends should be. And whether or not he should be willing to count a deceiving cheating spouse among them.
rockerdude Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Yes, you are correct. She has "already" done it..probably..
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