Trouble in Paradise Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 First off let me say that my wife is hurt and is still going to get her own place for a while. I have been doing a lot of searching and after not getting any answers out of her I decided to play hard ball. I treated her good, but no I love you's or pity I want you backs, no whining. I just treated her like a normal person. Then I modified my MySpace account by taking all her pictures off of it and I took down all the pictures on the wall of us. Kindof got into an argument tonight and after I was done and cooled off I went up stairs and laid down beside her and finally had a heart to heart. I agreed with her that she needed to go and that she was emotionally drained and that I haven't been the husband I should. I looked deep inside myself and picked every flaw apart and then as I explained them to her I think she actually saw that I was truly trying to change, not just saying the same old thing just to keep her. I told her I would give her time and that I would only like to be friends at first and get to know her. I told her that I think it is best she leave so that I bear all the responsiblity for a while and she gets a much needed much deserved break. I asked her if it hurt her that I took the pictures off my site and off the walls and she said yes. So I know there is something there. Even if it's a glimmer of hope, it's worth it to give 110%. I have to change. I must change to keep both myself and her happy. In order for her to love me, I must first love myself and she must be the same. She isn't ready for counseling yet because she just needs a break and freedom and I finally realize that she deserves it. I took our talk as a get a chance make up for what I have done. Just listening to and agreeing with her and telling her what I thought was very rewarding to me because for the first time I realized how much I truly hurt her and in which ways I was hurting her more. I really need to focus on fixing a lot of things in order to be a great husband. I know I can do it and I know that I can turn things around. My family is worth my energy and i'll use it all even if there is a hint of a spark. Thank you for all of your help, I will keep you posted on my progress and present questions as they arise. I am truly in love with my wife and I really, really messed up. It truly is poor her because I was so wrong, and that isn't an exageration. I never abused her but I neglected my responibilities as a mate and that in itself is a tragedy. I really think that even if she doesn't come around i'll be in tune for whatever I choose to do next so it is win win either way! Thanks all!
Woggle Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I was so proud of you and now you are blaming yourself for everything. She was hurt not because of love but because it was screwing with her ego that you were ready to just move on so fast. What exactly have you done that is so horrible to deserve this? She has you right where she wants you.
lonelybird Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I was so proud of you and now you are blaming yourself for everything. She was hurt not because of love but because it was screwing with her ego that you were ready to just move on so fast. What exactly have you done that is so horrible to deserve this? She has you right where she wants you. actually OP is very positive, and positiveness can bring good results, whatever results, they must be good. I have to change. I must change to keep both myself and her happy. In order for her to love me, I must first love myself and she must be the same. This is so true, you have to love yourself in your bottom of heart, can you see how God sees you with his unconditional love? have you experienced unconditional love? it is very real. can you become naked even in front of yourself? I mean totally be honest with yourself. I used to dislike myself, but Lord changed me. I found a big fat secret: the more I embrace words of God, the more I embrace love of God, the more I become to like myself, be ok with myself. It was an liberating experience, sometimes I think the changing process is slow, but look back, it is very worth. words of God changes people. Have you ever think about what make people genuinly happy? the maker of heart: God and perfect love and living water that Jesus gives Good luck
Author Trouble in Paradise Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I was so proud of you and now you are blaming yourself for everything. She was hurt not because of love but because it was screwing with her ego that you were ready to just move on so fast. What exactly have you done that is so horrible to deserve this? She has you right where she wants you. I totally took her for granted, didn't help when she needed it, chose extracirriculars over her and my son, changed in a lot of ways negatively since we been married. All in all she is is right and I had to look at myself objectively to see that. I'm going to take this time to work on me and maybe in some way that will make her happy. If not, no biggie, i'll just move on and be better fo someone else. I wanted a chance and I think her opening up to me when we were both volnurable is a good start. We'll see...
Author Trouble in Paradise Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 Maybe you all were right, I may have screwed up. I'm going to take the pictures back down. Fix my MySpace and be proud. I just don't know if i'm strong enough to do that.
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