AurorasStar Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Three years ago we went on a blind date. It was horrible. Awful. I only agreed to a second date because I assumed nothing could get worse. Well, it did. He was so anxious and nervous around me he nearly threw up when I let him hold my hand. Since then we've had other relationships with people, live in two different cities (two hours apart) and both had our fair share of relationships gone bad. We turned into best friends and this time last year he broke up with his girlfriend stating he was in love with me and couldn't see himself with her so why bother? I told him I couldn't say it back until I was sure. Which was about a month ago. I was finally able to say "I'm in love with you." To which he responded, "I can't remember not being in love with you." Sweet, eh? Well We've never had titles. We've never sat down and said we're not going to see other people and tonight I had that conversation. I told him I needed and wanted to know, not just assume. I didn't want to be that girl who he slept with and talked to all the time. He said he knew how I felt but he was scared and didn't want to get hurt. My family wants to meet the mystery man I've kept a secret for three years. My friends want to know why I've stopped dating or going out. And I can't say I have a boyfriend because, well, I just have a friend I am in love with, who says he's in love with him and we sleep together every other weekend (sorry for the bluntness of this... we do do other things than have sex every other weekend, it just kind of cheapens everything when you get off the phone and he says 'i need more time' so you don't feel like being nice when writing about your problem) So my question is... Do you give a guy time or do you tell him it's all or nothing if you truly love him? I'm moving cities (for US, not him... plus, I hate my current job) to be closer. I've soul-searched, prayed, thought and realized I am in love with him. From every amazing thing about him to every detail most people would say 'Too much info!' - Do ultimaitums work? If he says that he needs more time how do you put a time frame on this? Do I give him no contact during this period? I'm horrible with guys... will he be more honest with himself and myself if I see him Friday and talk to him face-to-face? Sorry for the long post, I'm stranded and usually just lurk and read about other people and hope I find my answer there, but sadly, I have yet to find an answer that may work for my situation. I'm in love with my best friend, who says he's in love with me but is scared to commit fearing he'll lose me or I'll hurt him... thing is, I can't go back to being his friend.
Timberlane Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Hearing a man whine "I'm worried about being hurt" to justify keeping a friends with benefits situation going really irritates me. I know this guy in town that did that for years with his girlfriend. Yes, he definitely had a girlfriend. They now live together and I believe they still refuse to call it anything. It's ridiculous. Do ultimatums work? Well, sometimes yes and sometimes no. But they do generally cause a reaction.
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