bloodaye Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 does anyone else wake with the shudders? or chills? wher you wake to reality and you just get antsy and cant get back to sleep? God i mean i wake up at like 3am to my bloody empty boring apt,and just pace with all these thoughts about my ex,am i going nuts? I feel so weak and outta control,esp when i think that shes all snuggled up in her bed with some other dude,and here i am all messed up,how do u get rid of that? This is hell to say the least,i sometimes wish i never met her.
Pyro Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 That sucks for what you are currently going through. Been there myself and its not a good feeling. To get over the feelings that you are having is going to take some will power and some open-mindedness. You have to keep telling yourself and believe that things are over and they are over for certain reasons. You two were obviously not meant to be together and the break-up happened for a reason. If you two were meant to be together, then it will happen through time, but until then, you need to improve your situation. Its not going to occur overnight, but accepting that its over is a good start. Next you will have to try and attempt to keep yourself occupied as much as you can because at first any downtime that you have you will probably think about her. I hope that my words have helped you out in some way.
Sanslatete Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 The night sweats are something I'm still dealing with. I wake up, like clockwork, at 4.30 every morning and just lay there staring into the darkness until I can drop off again. It's worse than hell and I can understand what you're going through bloodaye. It's hard to even drop off again when you know you've got another day ahead of this crap. I get to thinking, is it worth it? But my mind has other ideas. I'm sick and tired of the 'time is a great healer' line, it's okay to launch that one out when it's not you living through this 'time'. But when you're in the middle of it, it feels like groundhog day and it sucks.
Author bloodaye Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 thnx man,im going through hell right now.I cant stop thinking about her, i mean everything reminds me of her,i dont even enjoy watching TV cause alot of it reminds me of us,even stupid things like my bloody shower curtain reminds me of her cause we bought that at our previous apartment. I live alone now and its absolute torture.I too hate when people say read a book,go for a walk,take ur mind of it. The truth is who the hell can concentrate on a book when u feel like this? And how many possible walks can i go on? In fact even walking sucks cause we frequented the area i live in,and walking alone makes me feel even more alone. I want to talk to her so bad or hear from her its driving me mad,sometimes i feel like im not normal,it just seems to be affecting me way too much,this is so bloody hard its the worst feeling i ever felt in my life.
cant let go Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 for the first couple days i couldn't sleep for more than a few hours a night. i had so many thoughts rushing into my head at the same time. i dealt with this by writing my thoughts out so that i could control the pace at which they flowed through me. i bought a lot of books about relationships but most of them i feel are worthless right now because i'm not in the relationship anymore so i can't fix it. some have helped a little though. once i finally was able to sleep i would wake up in the morning drenched in sweat. i couldn't remember my dreams just that i woke up all sweaty. i haven't woke up in the sweats as much but i would have dreams about him or dreams about her or dreams about him and her. more like nightmares, i guess. i remember one vividly where i had just awoken in the dream and i turned to him and starting kissing him to wake him up in the morning. i was telling him that i loved him so much and then he woke up and was like, "what are you doing, we broke up." and then i woke up for real. every morning i wake up and i feel sick. it's like the daylight that comes rushing into my eyes is actually slower than the speed at which all the thoughts come slapping me in face. i hope this gets better. i still live in the apt that we shared and all the furniture and many of his games and movies and books and stereo and things are still here. we each had our own closet in the bedroom and his is now empty but i cannot really bring myself to use it. the lease ends january 31 and i hope to move to a new city.
Author bloodaye Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 How do you deal with this? I feel like im going outta my skull,i dont wanna b awake cause im just sitting here miserable remeniscing,i cant even watch a Tv show cause i cant concentrate,its late there is nowhere to go,and im not tired at all,im just pacing and thinking and i have no appetite either. Its a mixture o missing her and feeling alot of guilt, why wasnt i a better boyfriend when i had the chance,why did i do this,why didnt i do that,why did i have go and say this,man this is awful
cant let go Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 How do you deal with this? I feel like im going outta my skull,i dont wanna b awake cause im just sitting here miserable remeniscing,i cant even watch a Tv show cause i cant concentrate,its late there is nowhere to go,and im not tired at all,im just pacing and thinking and i have no appetite either. Its a mixture o missing her and feeling alot of guilt, why wasnt i a better boyfriend when i had the chance,why did i do this,why didnt i do that,why did i have go and say this,man this is awful i deal by reading this forum. writing about my story. if you haven't already read mine you can search for it on here. i cry everyday...multiple times throughout the day. i know what you mean about tv shows...it's very frustrating. i guess i finally convinced myself that it doesn't matter how i saw the relationship. if he can't see a future with me, i can't change his mind. i am far from okay. many people told me to keep myself busy and to take my mind off of the break up. i don't agree that this is even possible advice to follow. you need to deal with it. the best way to deal with it, in my opinion, is to just open up a word document and start typing. just start at the begining of your relationship and sort through every emotion you remember feeling. every time you fought, try to remember all the good times but really focus on why there were problems. don't put all the blame on yourself. think about what she could have done better as well. even if you have already done this, go back and start again. you'll be amazed how much your views will change day to day. i think the only way to truly cope is to come to an understanding about what you have learned. then you can accept that you can only control your own actions. work on improving yourself so that if you ever have contact with her, you will be ready for it. i find that praying helps a lot, too. Believing that there is a reason for all of this and that you can grow from it is important. I'm not going to try and shove any religious views on anyone. i'm far from a religious person. but i do believe there is a higher power out there that has brought this situation about me for a reason. accept that it is going to hurt like hell. to quote a rodney atkins song: "if you're going through hell, keep on going. don't slow down; if you're scared don't show it. you might get out before the devil even knows you're there."
Sanslatete Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I can't do the praying as I don't have a religion, but I sometimes wish I did, just for the comfort. I don't hold my emotions back, I don't give a fuq what people think of me right now because it's not them that's going through this. i gues I am growing but that's cold comfort when I feel like death. The future isn't a consideration when one day merges into the next and there's no let up. I've read books on relationships and NLP and everything connected with my situation, but nothing really helps the ache. I don't blame myself for what happened as I was more than prepared to work on it. She was the one who did the dirty on me, yet I'm left wishing I was dead and having to endure this crap day after day. if there is a reason for this I just wish it would become obvious and give me something to work towards. Right now my life is little more than an endurance, and I hate every minute of it.
Author bloodaye Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 i hear you san. Its so ****ed up,today at work one of my co-workers pulled me aside and asked me what has been wrong with me the last few weeks. That totally shocked me,cause even tho i feel like total hell,i really try not to show it. She said she could tell just by looking at my face,but i didnt explain what was wrong cause its really none of her business and it would feel like im giving in to my pain.Dude i have not been in contact with my ex now for 4 days,i ****ed up prior a few times ( of corse due to alcohol,BIG MISTAKE!) Today has been a really really hard day for me,just when u think u got it beat for some damn reason on any givin day it hits you like a kick in the balls,i dont understand it,i went off the booze,i started working out and began feeling somewhat better,then outta nowhere these ****in thoughts popped in my head. the hardest thing for me to get over is picturing her with another guy,that vision makes me wanna just die,picturing her doing and saying the same things she did and said to me with someone else,i picture them in bed together OMG!The worst is when we moved apart we kinda tried to make it work so i would go to her Apt. now i have a vision of her apt and her and this other dude there together jsut like we were,its too visual for me and its hurting so much and really destroying me,i try so hard not to think about it,but it just lingers in the back of my mind and pops out with full force otta nowhere,i cant stand this anymore,am i going insane? How do you get then picture outta ur head,i try so damn hard,but its always somewhere lingering.Dude tonite at work,this ****in song from some swedish duo,i forget the name,but the song goes " it must have been love,but its over now" or something like that,came on the radio,i had to leave the room,went to the can,and just let it out,i felt so pathetic. I am never getting involved in relationship ever again,at least thats how i feel now. Im so sad and down.
Brooks06 Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Yeah picturing my ex with another guy is by far the worst. Once you get the thought in your head it takes hours to remove it. Its hard for me because me and my ex had only been with each other prior to the breakup, and just thinking that some other guy has replaced me is torture. Its hard knowing a person you used to love and who made thousands of promises can turn on you so quickly...and to think she will end up with someone else and make the same promises and tell him she loves him. it really does begin to take a huge emotional toll. My advice is get out of your apartment. Get into the gym, pick up a new hobby, just do anything to not let your thoughts get the best of you. I thought I was going crazy and had a few breakdowns when I found my ex was already dating again..what worked for me was just calling random friends to talk to them about it, meet for coffee, just being around other people helped so much. Its been over a month now and although I have broken no contact a few times and am still struggling, I am starting to repair my emotions and move on. Will she come back? I dont know. If not, just remember what goes around comes around and one day she will feel the same thing you are feeling and maybe even worse. Focus on her bad qualities when she pops into your head, but try to keep yourself busy. good luck bud, I know how you're feeling
alwayshurt Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 i hear you san. Its so ****ed up,today at work one of my co-workers pulled me aside and asked me what has been wrong with me the last few weeks. That totally shocked me,cause even tho i feel like total hell,i really try not to show it. She said she could tell just by looking at my face,but i didnt explain what was wrong cause its really none of her business and it would feel like im giving in to my pain.Dude i have not been in contact with my ex now for 4 days,i ****ed up prior a few times ( of corse due to alcohol,BIG MISTAKE!) Today has been a really really hard day for me,just when u think u got it beat for some damn reason on any givin day it hits you like a kick in the balls,i dont understand it,i went off the booze,i started working out and began feeling somewhat better,then outta nowhere these ****in thoughts popped in my head. the hardest thing for me to get over is picturing her with another guy,that vision makes me wanna just die,picturing her doing and saying the same things she did and said to me with someone else,i picture them in bed together OMG!The worst is when we moved apart we kinda tried to make it work so i would go to her Apt. now i have a vision of her apt and her and this other dude there together jsut like we were,its too visual for me and its hurting so much and really destroying me,i try so hard not to think about it,but it just lingers in the back of my mind and pops out with full force otta nowhere,i cant stand this anymore,am i going insane? How do you get then picture outta ur head,i try so damn hard,but its always somewhere lingering.Dude tonite at work,this ****in song from some swedish duo,i forget the name,but the song goes " it must have been love,but its over now" or something like that,came on the radio,i had to leave the room,went to the can,and just let it out,i felt so pathetic. I am never getting involved in relationship ever again,at least thats how i feel now. Im so sad and down. Hey man, that sucks. You put some new thing in my mind. I see that we live in the same city, although I am not from there. Here I feel so f*****g lonely because I don't know anybody. She was the first person I met. It really sucks. If you want to go for a drink together let me know. Hang in there.
Jasmine777 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 It is a very tough situation to be in but one thing I can tell you, whatever your gut tells you is probably true. I went through a break-up with my boyfriend two years ago and I was up all night freaking out, think he was hanging out with other girls and guess what, he was! We did get back together and had a good relationship but now we are broken-up again but this time I am not freaking out, I just feel confused as to what went wrong. Even though it feels like you are going through hell, try to pray about your situation and trust me, you will be helped through it. Good luck and know that you will find a wonderful girl in the future.
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