Precious K Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 So I may have gotten into dating a bit too son... So my friends told me the easiest way to put my ex behind my life is to go out with someone new. And guess what? I did. This guy had a crush on me and was nice and sweet, fun, dorky and cute. We talked for a few days and we went out on a date. It started off really well and at the end he wanted to sleep with me! What the hell? Is this the only thing men have in mind now. I felt like ssht. So I took off. The next day he didn't understand why I left and wouldn't sleep with him. But he ended up telling me he likes me and he wanted to start again. NOOO!!! I felt hurt in a way that I thought I finally met a good guy and he turns out to be a arse. Now I feel I'm back to being sad and alone and thinking about my ex. But why do I feel bad about the guy I only went out with once? So I wonder are all guys like this now? Or is it that I went about this too quickly? I feel sad all over again.
Pyro Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 So I may have gotten into dating a bit too son... So my friends told me the easiest way to put my ex behind my life is to go out with someone new. And guess what? I did. This guy had a crush on me and was nice and sweet, fun, dorky and cute. We talked for a few days and we went out on a date. It started off really well and at the end he wanted to sleep with me! What the hell? Is this the only thing men have in mind now. I felt like ssht. So I took off. The next day he didn't understand why I left and wouldn't sleep with him. But he ended up telling me he likes me and he wanted to start again. NOOO!!! I felt hurt in a way that I thought I finally met a good guy and he turns out to be a arse. Now I feel I'm back to being sad and alone and thinking about my ex. But why do I feel bad about the guy I only went out with once? So I wonder are all guys like this now? Or is it that I went about this too quickly? I feel sad all over again. That was either the guys intention all along, or he saw you as vulnerable since you have just gotten out of a relationship, so he thought of you as easy prey. If you are not entirely over your ex, then you shouldn't date, but thats just my opinion.
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I think this is something we all have to judge for ourselves. There are those folks who think you should wait, and grieve and heal before you put yourself back out there, and those who think that getting back out there soon after helps you heal. Personally, I don't think I could date just yet. I've had a few "pseudo dates" where nothing was really expected (and I wasn't really even attracted the guys I went out with) and those were fine, but engaging in anything meaningful right now wouldn't be fair to me, or to the guy. It's up to you to know the answer to that question and it sounds like you've already answered it. Don't push yourself to do anything you aren't ready to do, despite what others may advise. Know yourself.
funkybassplayer Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 you give yourself time to get over the ex, you will b in a much better place in your head, and this will help you attract the kind of people that you want in your life, rather than people wanting a quike fix, as you will be more self aware and see peoples intentions and needs far quicker than if you were hurting over you ex.
birdie Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 if you feel offended that a man wants to sleep with you then you are definitely not ready for dating. of course he does, otherwise he wouldn't have asked you out in the first place.
funkybassplayer Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 if you feel offended that a man wants to sleep with you then you are definitely not ready for dating. of course he does, otherwise he wouldn't have asked you out in the first place. eer he could also be looking for a rebound as well, and is trying to get his ego up.
birdie Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 whatever his reason is, it shouldn't feel offensive. it's not a big deal, just have to say 'no'
Author Precious K Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Its not that he wanted to sleep with me that bothered me or got me offended its that I told him from the start I wasn't looking for sex. But I guess I'm just taking it hard because of my break up. Maybe I'm trying to cover my situation with this crap. Yeah I'm not sure I'm ready to date.
bigheartkindsoul Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 "The best way to get over your ex is to meet someone new" - bad advice the best way is to learn from that last relationship, grieve for the loss and go into dating with an open heart and one that has healed almost fully. I do think that last little bit of healing which for myself is the odd brief thought of the ex, is to find someone new however it is only after months of grieving, getting it out of my system that i am healed, open although cautious which is natural, and ready to not be too vunerable but what dating does or does not hold. Look at worst case, would you be able to handle getting some light feelings for someone, then having them rejected yet. Probably not hun. It might set you back even further.
oppath Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I think it is best to grieve for a while first. You can date while still having thoughts of your ex, some anger, etc, but you need to be open enough that you have room for thoughts of a new person, not as a boyfriend or girlfriend necessarily, but just thoughts as in "last night was so much fun" or "I can't wait for Thursday." You can date before you are fully ready for a new relationship, as meeting someone new is often the last thing you need to do to put the ex behind you, but you need to be emotionally separated enough from your past your dates aren't a distraction from your pain, but an addition to an otherwise full life.
Steffie575 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 If you are not entirely over your ex, then you shouldn't date, but thats just my opinion. I so agree...im two months out of a long term relationship and I recently went on a date.....all I could think of was my ex and I was miserable.
funkybassplayer Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I was the same, i tried to date to date after abaout a month, and just felt sick, i wish i was opposit the ex, but 6 montjs on and i have no problem dating and having fun even if there not for me, i dont really think i wish i was with ex.
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