Keeping it casual

[StartFresh]

So I got out of a really long relationship almost a year ago (~8 years long or so). I'm just about 23 years old now, beginning my career and moving into the city with high school buddies. Life is going pretty welld right now, I can't complain. I don't have time for a relationship anyway. I put in around 50-60 hours a week in the office. My weeknights are taken up by getting home from work then going the gym, sleep, repeat.

 

Anyways, so I've been talking to a few girls here and there. A couple of them are keeping it casual so its good. I went on a date with one girl who I like, she was nice. We hooked up afterwards, but I felt things were too strong too fast. I'm not ready for another relationship, not for a long time probably. The last one was very long and ended very badly. I ended up blowing her off because I didn't know what she wanted and felt like it would turn into a relationship.

 

Now I'm also talking to this new girl. She seems nice, I like her, we havent done anything yet but we will if I continue with this. I'm already starting to feel like its too much though. She persued me, she started talking to me, she emailed me at work, she wanted to talk on the phone, she wants to meet up (we met online via facebook because we work for the same company and are on the companies network). She emailed me today about random chitchat and I was really busy so I hadn't responded for a few hours. Nothing special, just really busy at work today, and she sends me another email "Are you busy?" Its like obviously I'm busy or else I would respond! Give me a minute we haven't even hooked up yet! That kinda struck me in a wierd way. She claims to not be clingy, likes her space, and doesnt like clingy people but she seems to embody all that she claims not to be.

 

 

Anyway, maybe I'm turned off by aggressive girls (Both girls that struck me strangely were the ones who approached me...in a bar, via work-related outlets, etc)? Not turned off, but nervous about getting into another relationship while being in my prime, just getting out on my own with my friends, etc. Is that strange or what? How do you tell the difference between a girl wanting a relationship and a girl wanting something casual? I dont want to come out and ask something "Hey what are your intentions with me?" obviously. What are most mid-20's girls looking for these days. I'm 23, all these girls have been around the 25 age range.

 

-SF

[abandoned]

I can't speak for every girl obviously, but if a girl pursues you as much as this one is, then I would think she is looking for a relationship with you. Maybe I am wrong, but I really think you need to let her know you are not interested in anything serious right now.

 

Are you ignoring her when she calls? When she e-mails you? Messages you on Facebook? I ask because if you are replying and engaging in conversation, and you yourself said that: "we havent done anything yet but we will if I continue with this", then it's not surprising if she keeps 'pursuing' you, if it were me I would think there is something going on too!

 

You have to be honest with her, because if you are not, then you are just leading her on, and that's wrong. You are going to meet both kids of women, those who want it casual and those who want to find that special someone. You will not know which they are unless they tell you, or you ask. And there are ways to find it out even in the first few 'chats' but you can't be hiding the fact that you are just 'playing around'.

 

Hope that helps!