Rayofsunshine Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I haven't posted here for a while about my situation because I felt like I was making positive strides. Well I guess I was fooling myself. It has been a little over 4 months since my exbf broke up with me. Well I got an email from him blaming me for everything. We broke up due to finacial problems. I admit we both had spending problems. We tried to keep up with the Jones too much. Maybe it was a way of being happy I don't know. In the email that I got he said that he is very bitter still because I took everything and it was all my fault that we went into finacial problems. He said that he treated me well and I started to expect things so he had to buy them. Then he said that we will never get back together again, he learned from his mistake and I was that mistake. He is much happier being single and is looking for a new significant other. Then he went on about a bunch of things that weren't even true. He even said that he tried to discuss the issues before we broke up but that it didn't work so he had to ask me to leave (we lived together). I can't believe this, I know I was there when we broke up and it didn't happen like that at all. Why is he doing this? I have not had any contact with him since the end of August. I didn't reply back to his email in fact I deleted it because at this point I don't even know what to say. I spent 10 years with him and this is how he sees me. And PS I didn't take everything, in fact his father and brother helped me move out. So if I left him with nothing I think they would have said something.
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 My guess is that he's hurt. Hurt people lash out at others, and find scapegoats for their pain. He's probably mad at himself, but it's easier to put the blame on you and focus on you. I would definitely ignore it. Any return contact would only fuel his fire. I would also take comfort in the fact that he's obviously struggling, and not to take what he said personally. I'm sure he doesn't really feel that way, he's just having trouble with the breakup and with coping, so it's easier to punish you. Just keep doing what you're doing and try to ignore it.
Author Rayofsunshine Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Thank you for your response Crestfallen. There is no doubt in my mine that you are right. He is one to brush something under the carpet then deal with it head on. Now I guess the emotions he was pushing aside are coming out. It still hurts though to hear that because I can just imagine what he is and did tell people. I guess it shouldn't matter because the people who know me, know the type of person that I am. I am not going to email him back or even acknowledege that I got his email. I think that is what he wants, me to respond negatively and then he can say see she really is a b*tch, look at what she did now. It's such a shame though because he is not the person I fell in love with anymore.
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Believe me, I know what you mean. I am in the middle of divorcing a man I was married to for 5.5 years and was with for almost 8. He basically fell for another woman in two weeks and said he wanted a divorce. After I left, they moved in together. I now hear he's reaching out to mutual friends and is, of course, not even mentioning the fact that he committed infidelity. He's also reaching out to friends who we had essentially stopped speaking to - friends who he knows will be hostile towards me. And I'm sure he's getting support from them all the while keeping the fact that he cheated on me and abandoned our marriage to be with someone else who is marred all to himself. It's not right, nor is it fair, but I do believe that, like your guy, pushing things under the rug just means you have to deal with them later. You can continue to walk over the rug for awhile, but eventually you have so much crap under there that you have to do something about it. You can't control what he does or says about you, so just remember that, no matter what he is saying, it isn't true and as long as you know the truth, then that's all the matters, really. But I know it's small comfort.
Author Rayofsunshine Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Crestfallen, I am sorry for your situation. I have read your previous posts and understand the emotions you are going through. Even though my ex and I weren't married we had been together for 10 years so it kind was like a marriage. We had joint bank accounts, etc. So I understand the issues about him closing the account or lack there of. My ex did the same thing. He finally got around to it after we were broken up for a month and I had moved out for two weeks. That was only because I asked his father to make sure that it was taken care of because my name was on the account and I didn't want it ruining my credit. My ex did that with mutal friends, well they were friends with me before my ex and I started dating and then became friends with him. He tried to tell bulls*it stories, sorta like what he emailed me. In th end my friends knew the person I was and told him to leave them alone. He would text them and ask them if I was talking bad about him, if I was going to be at any parties, etc. It got to be old. I guess his motive is to make me sad and miserable like him. He has no idea what I doing and I think that is driving him crazy. I just have to keep remembering to keep my head up and don't let him have that power over me. It's amazing what the ex will say to make their guilt and pain go away, even if they are the ones that caused it. I actually laghed at one point in the email where he said that he took time to figure out what he wanted and in the time has grown as a person. Hello it's been 4 months and you still are the same as you were before or you never would have sent that email to me. Yeah you grew!
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