Cobra_X30 Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I totally agree that 6 out of 7 nights is excessive, particularly given the newness of our relationship...but it literally just kinda happened that way without any planning. We were seeing each other 2-3 times a week up until the last week. He was supposed to go out of town for work, so we spent 3 nights together thinking we weren't going to see each other for a bit. He went out of town, and came back 1.5 days later - much, much sooner than expected. Then we wound up spending Friday through Sunday together. Everything was perfect until last night, when it seemed "too much" to me. From here on out, I'm really going to try to pace our time together so it's more reasonable. Dont try to force outside rules or regulations onto this. Its something you have to feel your way along! The more you try to impose things that are not natural to you... the more difficulties you will have after the getting to know you stage. If you want to spend time with him and he wants to spend time with you... do it. If you feel like he needs some time alone... give it to him. Guys usually arent hard to read that way.
shadowplay Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Dont try to force outside rules or regulations onto this. Its something you have to feel your way along! The more you try to impose things that are not natural to you... the more difficulties you will have after the getting to know you stage. If you want to spend time with him and he wants to spend time with you... do it. If you feel like he needs some time alone... give it to him. Guys usually arent hard to read that way. I disagree. I mean you don't want to be completely unnatural, but I think women (and men) too often give into their impulses and this leads to most of the relationship problems we see on this board. You have to maintain some self control and distance at the beginning before you really know somebody and trust them. It's much better to err on the side of caution and control than the opposite.
Ocean-Blue Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I disagree. I mean you don't want to be completely unnatural, but I think women (and men) too often give into their impulses and this leads to most of the relationship problems we see on this board. You have to maintain some self control and distance at the beginning before you really know somebody and trust them. You need to protect yourself. Agreed. But isn't the whole appeal of falling love about being a little unabashed about your feelings. I can understand maintaining SOME distance...but to never initiate a call unless it's for practical reasons... I'm sure the guy would want to get an impromptu call from you just to say "hey", no?
shadowplay Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Agreed. But isn't the whole appeal of falling love about being a little unabashed about your feelings. I can understand maintaining SOME distance...but to never initiate a call unless it's for practical reasons... I'm sure the guy would want to get an impromptu call from you just to say "hey", no? Yeah, but you don't want to fall in love too soon. A million threads on here reveal just how dangerous that is. It's better to wait until you've known somebody for a few months and then let yourself fall. But I don't think you should ever completely lose control. There always needs to be a slight barrier between you and the other person or the romance will die and you'll start to feel like siblings. I think a lot of people get complacent and too comfortable and that is the kiss of death. They stop trying. This happens in sooo many marriages and long term relationships. I guess the main thing is that I just don't like talking on the phone. I have initiated some emails and im conversations, though.
Author Star Gazer Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 You guys all seriously rock - so helpful and supportive!
The Joker Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 He has treated me better than any other guy ever has. Normally, if some girl here on LS were complaining about this, I'd be telling her to grow some ovaries and get over it. How do I control these feelings? Are they normal? Rational? Am I being a big scared baby?Why not picture your ovaries like that little angel and devil of advice inside you. One says SG, you've never had anything like this before and you love it! Careful though, too much too fast and you may look like all those silly little lovestruck LS girls you abhor seeing so much, all whiny and clingy, you know that damn estrogen cocktail of emotion to follow that no man can stand! The other half says, #$%& it! take it all! inject yourself into every waking moment of his life. Love is a drug and you're long overdue for this kind of overdose! A little of one side and a little of the other---balanced out, and i'd say you'll conceive something great Situation normal, No need to worry.
allina Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I think it's a normal feeling, that little hint of caution that makes us wonder if we're not investing more in another than they are in us. I think it's those times when you have to force yourself to relax and not let that fear show. Remember if 99% of what he does says he's in to you then he's very in to you And congrats SG! You really deserve a great guy Or maybe he's hurt that your myspace status still says "single" :laugh: (yes, I totally checked to see who this new man is )
johan Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Or maybe he's hurt that your myspace status still says "single" :laugh: (yes, I totally checked to see who this new man is ) So you're still single, eh, Star? Sounds like the rest of us still have a chance...
Author Star Gazer Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Or maybe he's hurt that your myspace status still says "single" :laugh: (yes, I totally checked to see who this new man is ) Muhahaha! His says "Single" too. I'm a little gun-shy about the "In a Relationship" switch! He's my #9 though, on the right in the picture, if you wanna peek. I'll send you others too. Heehee.
allina Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Muhahaha! His says "Single" too. I'm a little gun-shy about the "In a Relationship" switch! He's my #9 though, on the right in the picture, if you wanna peek. I'll send you others too. Heehee. Nice bod he's got and I like his quote Did he end up replying?
Author Star Gazer Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Nice bod he's got and I like his quote Did he end up replying? No, he called. We're good. I'm a big baby. This was my first - and hopefully last - thread about this relationship. I don't want to overthink it, or rush it, or complicate it. It's perfect just the way it is. I just really, really like him. (Hopefully I'll keep my word!)
Author Star Gazer Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I want to see a hot bod! Look at your BF! Seriously, my boy has the most beautiful body I've ever seen. He looks like a Calvin Klein underwear model.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Haha, yeah that was kind of a joke. So where is a pic of this dude?
Author Star Gazer Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I'm not going to violate his privacy and post a picture of him here. Just trust that he's handsome, but that's certainly not the best part of him.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I'm not going to violate his privacy and post a picture of him here. Just trust that he's handsome, but that's certainly not the best part of him. Haha, yeah I know you wouldn't post a picture, I was just joking around..but that's great that he's handsome! Seriously though, thats awesome that you have a good guy. If you need us, we are here!
Author Star Gazer Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Do you love him? It's been one month, Johan. Seriously though, thats awesome that you have a good guy. If you need us, we are here! He's awesome... *swoon* It's really great to know y'all are here though. ((HUGS))
Kamille Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I can't believe how in sync our relationships are. And, hmmm, I'm guilty on all counts. 1) Freak out because of my growing vulnerability 2) spending way too much time together. It is so hard, after two years of teaching myself to be happy on my own, to let go, let someone into my life and allow myself to need him. In my case it's also only been one month, and yes, I find it harder and harder to justify not sleeping over. The fact is, I no longer see the point in trying to control our relationship that way. I think we spent the night together 5 times last week. It just doesn't feel natural not too. Plus, there's nothing better then waking up next to him. I do understand why everyone cautions you (and therefore me) to slow down, but it is way easier said then done. I chose not to overthink it too and go with the flow. After all, when I overthink it, I freak out and walk out the door. If anything, that's going to put a dent in the relationship. From here on out I am going to try to have faith in myself and in life that everything will work out for the best, no matter how it works out.
johan Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 You loooove him, Kamille... Both you and Star Gazer.... Loooove!
Kamille Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 You loooove him, Kamille... Both you and Star Gazer.... Loooove! Well, I had to find someone this side of the border Johan... Go canadian dollar!
Night is Long Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Keep in mind that we spent 6 out of the last 7 nights together. Eeek, alot, I know...but it just naturally happened that way. Whose idea was it to spend so many nights together? Yours? If so you might come off to him as being clingy and needy. It's too soon in the relationship for that. These days men are very sensitive to the signs of desperation. You may not even realize you're doing it. Take for instance you emailed him before he had a chance to. Men can smell desperation in a woman. My advice would be chill and let him do the contacting for the next few days.
johan Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Yup, just what I was thinking. She is not messing with his head at all, and that can only lead to disaster. Come on, Star, be a woman!
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