latefragment Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I've had people completely disappear on me after what they claim was the most amazing sex they've ever had. Guys who led me to believe they wanted to be my boyfriend. I know some guys stick around even if the girl is "bitchy" or "psycho" just because the girl is super hot and great in bed. What I don't get is that if I'm decidedly NOT "bitchy" or "psycho" - instead I am fun-loving, cheerful, optimistic, friendly, have a good job and LOTS of hobbies and other pursuits (so I'm not at all clingy or desperate), why doesn't the "great in bed" part help seal the deal? Why on EARTH would you walk away from mind-blowing sex? I mean, I personally, WOULDN'T! especially not if the guy I'm having the mind-blowing sex with is fun, charismatic, and we shared common interests. The reason I'm asking now is I've noticed some posters on loveshack claim that they stuck around with the girl (or guy) just for the sex. I'm thinking - god, that's never been the case with me.
Cad Rake Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Um well you're making some assumptions. The guys could be lying to you about the sex. Or maybe you're not very attractive. The only way to know for sure would be for you to post a picture of yourself. What I don't get is that if I'm decidedly NOT "bitchy" or "psycho" - instead I am fun-loving, cheerful, optimistic, friendly, have a good job and LOTS of hobbies and other pursuits (so I'm not at all clingy or desperate), why doesn't the "great in bed" part help seal the deal? Guys don't care about all that stuff. They care if you look good & are easy to get in the sack. You're right when you say most guys do not walk away from great sex with a beautiful non-bitchy woman. So the question you have you to ask yourself is which of those things are you, in actuality, missing?
Pyro Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I've had people completely disappear on me after what they claim was the most amazing sex they've ever had. Guys who led me to believe they wanted to be my boyfriend. I know some guys stick around even if the girl is "bitchy" or "psycho" just because the girl is super hot and great in bed. What I don't get is that if I'm decidedly NOT "bitchy" or "psycho" - instead I am fun-loving, cheerful, optimistic, friendly, have a good job and LOTS of hobbies and other pursuits (so I'm not at all clingy or desperate), why doesn't the "great in bed" part help seal the deal? Why on EARTH would you walk away from mind-blowing sex? I mean, I personally, WOULDN'T! especially not if the guy I'm having the mind-blowing sex with is fun, charismatic, and we shared common interests. The reason I'm asking now is I've noticed some posters on loveshack claim that they stuck around with the girl (or guy) just for the sex. I'm thinking - god, that's never been the case with me. Some guys and some girls are like that. They want to part of a committed relationship and most of those type will say to you whatever it takes to get you into bed. The best thing to do is to hold off on sex until you can tell what their intentions are. For the most part, if you put out too fast, then they will assume that is all you want.
bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I've had people completely disappear on me after what they claim was the most amazing sex they've ever had. Guys who led me to believe they wanted to be my boyfriend. I know some guys stick around even if the girl is "bitchy" or "psycho" just because the girl is super hot and great in bed. What I don't get is that if I'm decidedly NOT "bitchy" or "psycho" - instead I am fun-loving, cheerful, optimistic, friendly, have a good job and LOTS of hobbies and other pursuits (so I'm not at all clingy or desperate), why doesn't the "great in bed" part help seal the deal? Why on EARTH would you walk away from mind-blowing sex? I mean, I personally, WOULDN'T! especially not if the guy I'm having the mind-blowing sex with is fun, charismatic, and we shared common interests. The reason I'm asking now is I've noticed some posters on loveshack claim that they stuck around with the girl (or guy) just for the sex. I'm thinking - god, that's never been the case with me. Perhaps if the first become emamoured by you first, I know its annoying having sometimes waiting have sex as I lust for a good shag but it is just how things have to be if you want a boyfriend. Of course I am not speaking of all cases just some I have heard or read about.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I've had people completely disappear on me after what they claim was the most amazing sex they've ever had. Guys who led me to believe they wanted to be my boyfriend. Riddler is correct! Some guys will say/do anything to get you in bed and then bounce. You can easily rid yourself of these men by bieng hard to get!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Why do guys dump girls after sex - even if it was amazing sex? Tell us, are you in the habit of repeatedly putting-out to men who decribe you only as "dull in the sack" ?
Author latefragment Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 believe me, I have held out (and thus these guys disappear, obviously), for the vast majority of them. But if you would've met some of these con artists... I bet you'd be surprised. My experience is they dump you anyway, whether or not you have sex with them (I of course hold out for a long time, but you get the picture.)
Trialbyfire Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 One way of weeding out the guys who are ONS types is to have the exclusivity discussion before you even consider bedding them. You can usually, but not always, gauge by their reaction to the discussion, what they want. Even the best con men will dip and dodge a bit, when you have the discussion and it's not what they want.
Author latefragment Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Thanks for your input, Trialbyfire. Yes this discussion is hardly relevant since um... I've been single for a REALLY long time now and don't want to have "casual sex" outside of a relationship, BUT when in the past I have tried having the exclusivity discussion they just lie or promise me the moon and stars and say that they REALLY want to be with me, blah blah blah. So, I tried that too. I'm not really asking for advice for my personal situation, like how to improve it, per se (pretty happy pursuing my hobbies and work, now, ALONE/SINGLE) - just asking in almost an academic sense -- WHY on EARTH would anyone walk away from great sex with a great person who makes you laugh and you have stuff in common with... that's all. The only thing I can come up with is that you've got to be crazy. Or have a girlfriend.
blind_otter Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 IF there's a pattern in your life you have to start asking yourself what you contribute to make this keep happening. Maybe it's the type of men you are attracted to -- emotionally unavailable men.
Cad Rake Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Finally a gem: TBF thanks! I will be sure not to "dip and dodge" when that question is asked next time. I will be prepared for it and heartfully say YES! I WANT EXCLUSIVITY!! Thx!
Author latefragment Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 blind_otter, that might perhaps be true, but these guys have been very open, emotionally available guys who have pursued me - that's what attracted me to them in the first place! Again, I'd like to reiterate, this isn't so much about ME (because I'm happy with who I am, what I do, and I am a happy, cheerful person to be around). It's about: Why do people do this? What motivations could they possibly have? Get inside their brain. If anyone has any insights that would be appreciated.
Trialbyfire Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Men are complex animals, just like women. Different people react to different stimuli, impacted by their existing emotional state and stage in life. You may have been unlucky with a few players who weren't in the same headspace as you. I say this because I'm currently in a commitment phobic phase in my life, which I've never been. It's why I've been turning down dates and are on a dating strike. Before I get back out into the real world, I have to fix this stage so I don't hurt anyone. The last thing I want to do is continually cycle through dysfunctional relationships, rebounding from man to man.
blind_otter Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Again, I'd like to reiterate, this isn't so much about ME (because I'm happy with who I am, what I do, and I am a happy, cheerful person to be around). It's about: Why do people do this? What motivations could they possibly have? Get inside their brain. If anyone has any insights that would be appreciated. The simple answer is that they do it because they can. These men are emotionally unavailable and unwilling to compromise themselves in order to be in a relationship, but they still enjoy having sex, so they take it where they can get it without much thought or reflection. The woman, in this instance, is merely a means to an end. Then there is the man who is afraid of committment, who, once confronted with the possibility of making a connection with another human being, runs like the wind. This is due to a panoply of psychological issues, too many to count, and each individual has their reason for running away.
brothermartin Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I've asked some buddies of mine that same question before. Their answer was usually the same. The type of guy that dose that, its not really about the great sex for them. Its about the conquest. Its a twisted little ego trip that some guys thrive on. As a man, I've had great sex before with a few women, but if it came down to just sex, I've never met a woman that could do something to me that no other woman could do. Thats why these guys take off. Its about numbers for them, not unique feelings or personal interest. Down the road they usually wind up old and alone, in a s****y little bar somewhere, trying to hit on chicks half their age. Hard lesson to learn.
Trialbyfire Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Finally a gem: TBF thanks! I will be sure not to "dip and dodge" when that question is asked next time. I will be prepared for it and heartfully say YES! I WANT EXCLUSIVITY!! Thx! Anyone who is the least bit adroit at reading body language can figure out a con man.
jcster Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Thats why these guys take off. Its about numbers for them, not unique feelings or personal interest. So true. There are tons of guys out there who have reduced their interaction with the opposite sex to a competition. The more you put them off, the harder they chase, until either you give in, or they go away. Either way, they take off eventually. It's not you, it's them. Down the road they usually wind up old and alone, in a s****y little bar somewhere, trying to hit on chicks half their age. Hard lesson to learn. Again, so true. A hard lesson to learn and an even harder way to live. Karma is alive and well, trust me.
Author latefragment Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 brother martin - the "conquest" idea sounds really interesting and plausible to me. I mean that totally makes sense. That would explain the whole "treating me very well," and the "careful wooing" and all the empty promises. It's just a game, and even if there IS chemistry and clicking on different levels: personality, common interests, sense of humor, it's irrelevant to them right? I mean, it makes no sense, and yet, if you look at it from a strictly conquest perspective, it makes sense. But in my opinion, WHY go through all that trouble if you're not going to reap the payoff, just move on to another nut to crack? If I put that much effort into somebody you'd bet I'd stick around, at least for a couple months to see what happens!! Or maybe these people have a million other options, and they've managed to "manufacture" the clicking that I think is "unique" between us (have to be a good actor, I suppose)... I don't know.
love4ever Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Perhaps if the first become emamoured by you first, I know its annoying having sometimes waiting have sex as I lust for a good shag but it is just how things have to be if you want a boyfriend. Of course I am not speaking of all cases just some I have heard or read about. I'd say thats true. Guys always tell me that I'm the greatest or one nicknamed me sweet pu**y. So sweet right? . But that definetely didn't keep them there, only the one guy that already knew he liked me stayed for the ride.
Author latefragment Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Just wanted to add to the previous thought: but I don't feel like I "click" with "just anybody". That's what's weird. I feel like it's VERY, very rare, like once- or twice-a-year (tops) maybe.
Author latefragment Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 love4ever, that's terrible!!! I'm sorry that someone actually said that to you. Ugh.
brothermartin Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 The reason they don't stick around varies, but it usually comes down to just one. They dont want to be caught up. By that I mean they dont want to be locked into an attachment like a girlfriend, telling them what they cant do, where they cant go, who they cant see. It gose in this order: See-Hunt-Attack-Kill-Savor-Retreat. Their weapon of choice, romance. Women want to be swept off thier feet, and these men are using that desire to thier advantage. Think about it. If the last guy that you slept with said "I dont wanna be your friend/boyfriend, I just wanna have sex with you and go.", would you have still slept with him?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 believe me, I have held out (and thus these guys disappear, obviously), for the vast majority of them. But if you would've met some of these con artists... I bet you'd be surprised. My experience is they dump you anyway, whether or not you have sex with them (I of course hold out for a long time, but you get the picture.) Speaking of getting the picture - clearly you didn't! I asked whether you are in the habit of repeatedly putting-out to men who describe you as being dull in the sack. (or do you only go back for seconds with guys who tell you that it was "amazing sex" ?)
amaysngrace Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Personally I've been known to hit it and quit it before. I'm a woman. For me it wasn't about numbers or conquests but that I wanted to get laid. If it was good I might keep them around or even make a relationship out of it. If it didn't do much for me then I could turn away much easier. And I'm pretty sure the guys who I've been with were thinking they were doing it for me too. Some of them maybe were doing it for me even. Sex I am good at. It's the relationship arena where I lack skills. And while I wanted to get laid I just did not want to be in a committed relationship. I've grown up some since then but this was MY problem. And definitely not the guys problem. Something was wrong with ME. Yet I probably left more than one guy to think that there was something wrong with them. But if my head wasn't wanting a relationship all the good sex in the world wasn't necessarily going to change my mind. So please don't take it personally. You know people like me can sense out someone who's already got a life. We can easily "connect" with people who seem like they have it going on. They are often the ones I'd want. Because they are so busy with their own life that they wouldn't require much from me.
Author latefragment Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 amasyngrace - that makes a lot of sense too. a lot of times these guys have been attracted to my multitude of interests and pursuits and i feel that they really respect and admire what I do (and they say as much - they are intrigued and impress and want to know more about me) but perhaps they are only attracted to the fact that I wouldn't even notice them leaving because I've got ten other projects that I'm working on. But of course, that's not true, it ends up being very hurtful.
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