Phateless Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 So I know this girl from school, we've seen each other around and talked a few times, run into each other at the bars a few times, no big deal. I think there might be something there but I never bothered to pursue cuz she had a bf. I ran into her today and wanted to get her number to just hang out, I figured at least we could be friends. Anyway, she tells me she's homeless cuz her relationship just ended. So after all of the "i'm sorry to hear that" etc, I say "hey, we run into each other all the time and I realized I don't have your number. You want to go get a cup of coffee sometime or maybe just run into each other on purpose?" her "well i'm not really ready" me "oh I meant as a friend thing. I went through the same thing about a year ago so I know what you're going through... your head's probably pretty... unsorted... right now" her "yeah, that would be ok" so she gives me her number. she's obviously gonna be in a bad state of mind and defensive, so of course i wouldn't try anything for quite some time... just wanted some advice and perspective on how to proceed. I'm well aware that they might get back together, and she's not ready for a relationship and I could be setting myself up to get hurt and all of that. I'm not looking for a booty call, I think this chick is cool. I just want a chance to hang out with her and see what happens. Do you guys think I played it right? I was thinking of inviting her to hang out with a bunch of my friends at first... try to keep it non-date-like and fun. cliffs- -known girl through school for a few months -flirt sometimes but she had a bf -found out today they broke up (they lived together so she's moving out) -she said not ready to date (obviously) -asked for her number to hang out as friends (did i right or wrong?) thanks guys
Lee725 Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Hi, Offering help to someone you would like to be friends with is fine, she will be needing friends right now. She will be talking about the EX alot (more than likely) and i guess you need to ask yourself if you are prepared to honestly listen and talk to her about him without putting him down? (if you talk to her and put him down it will seem that you are after more than friendship and this may alienate her - especially if she still loves him). It does seem that long term you are after more than friendship (sorry if i am wrong), so you will need to work out between yourself and her (how she is acting/what she is saying) how long you will wait before you will say something. Just be careful to that she does not treat you as a rebound, this may mean that for a while if she puts the moves on you, you might have to say no and that you are not ready (even if you are), and let her know that you really like her but want to give it more time. Hanging out with other friends is a good idea, as you will be able to get to know one another as mates which can help to create a great foundation should something happen between you later on. Let us know how it goes, i hope that it works out for you.
Author Phateless Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Thanks, you're pretty much on the money. I guess I want to start as friends since her head obviously isn't right, but I do NOT want to fall into the friend zone and have no chance. I'm under the impression that she understands that. I just don't want to put any pressure on her or she'll bolt.
alwayshurt Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Stay away! trust me. If something happens you will end up being her rebound guy. It is gonna hurt you like hell. I have been there (I am there) and it is not a nice thing to hundle. If she was/is interest to you, you would know! It is not the right time. Maybe later, but no now.
Author Phateless Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Stay away! trust me. If something happens you will end up being her rebound guy. It is gonna hurt you like hell. I have been there (I am there) and it is not a nice thing to hundle. If she was/is interest to you, you would know! It is not the right time. Maybe later, but no now. You're right. So should I call her or not? I can't call her randomly in 3 months...
Diplok Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Stay away. I know you dig this chick but for your own sake just stay away. Eventually she'll put the moves on you and you'll fall for her advances and she'll honestly believe she is in love with you when in reality it's only a rebound. There's plenty of other girls out there for you to date. Find one with no emotional baggage.
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