Author liddie Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 You know what the funny thing about being in a R with a MM....you really do grow as a person. Atleast I did. Trimmer you are so right...I do deserve better and being alone is better than this. I will never understand why they stay together and have said that to both of them several times. Again being alone is better than being miserable.
luvmy2ns Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I stand corrected Trimmer - Woman not Women....sorry for the mistake and thank you for pointing that out!! I am not concerned with her as I am disturbed by her behavior. IMO there is a big difference. I appreciate your point of view of the situation as it differs from mine in that you think it is making me "squirm." Well, it was obviously bothering you enough to inspire this thread. I think she's sizing you up; making her plan; gonna make you "pay" in her own way, and I can't say I blame her. If some woman was f'ing my husband, I'd make her pay, and him as well.
Author liddie Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I think that if these BS put as much effort into their marriage as they do making the OP "pay" there probably would be no need for an A to begin with. Just my opinion.
blind_otter Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I think that if these BS put as much effort into their marriage as they do making the OP "pay" there probably would be no need for an A to begin with. Just my opinion. I dunno about that assessment. My best friend just had an affair and I was close to both her and her husband. They had a great relationship. The funny thing is that the OM called me (because I'm the best friend, I guess) and he had an entirely different view of my friend's relationship with her husband. He thought it was for sh*t. I guess my friend was feeding him the wrong information.
Author liddie Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Why would she cheat on her H if they had a good marriage? Obviously, she felt something was lacking.
blind_otter Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Why would she cheat on her H if they had a good marriage? Obviously, she felt something was lacking. Nope, wrong. She was having a manic episode. She's since been hospitalized at a mental hospital.
Author liddie Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Well you left that little piece of information out!! Hope she is ok!!
KATANYA Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I think its interesting that some people are posting that the BS is 'marking her territory' and 'protecting her marriage' and 'chuckling' that her actions are working to 'break up' the MM/OW when, if an OW came on here and said; "I find myself going to functions the wife is at and staring and her for hours so that she notices me and taking her picture....." EVERY person on here would be SCREAMING 'STALKER' and warning the OW that she needs to get immediate counselling/therapy, etc, etc etc. I'm not saying BS doesn't have a right to confront OW or feel that she needs 'revenge' for OW and MM having the A but, hey, in my world if you are going to confront someone you do it.......you dont follow them around and take their picture and call them just to hang up the phone....all of those things are intimidation, harrassment and stalking and they are all criminal no matter WHO is doing it and for what reason. Also, IMO, W is projecting ALL of the blame on OW and, in the end what is she 'protecting' and 'marking' as her territory? Oh, right, I remember now....HER CHEATING HUSBAND who betrayed her! Seems to me I would be taking pictures of him, following him and confronting him....with divorce papers in hand.
blind_otter Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I think its interesting that some people are posting that the BS is 'marking her territory' and 'protecting her marriage' and 'chuckling' that her actions are working to 'break up' the MM/OW when, if an OW came on here and said; "I find myself going to functions the wife is at and staring and her for hours so that she notices me and taking her picture....." EVERY person on here would be SCREAMING 'STALKER' and warning the OW that she needs to get immediate counselling/therapy, etc, etc etc. I'm not saying BS doesn't have a right to confront OW or feel that she needs 'revenge' for OW and MM having the A but, hey, in my world if you are going to confront someone you do it.......you dont follow them around and take their picture and call them just to hang up the phone....all of those things are intimidation, harrassment and stalking and they are all criminal no matter WHO is doing it and for what reason. Also, IMO, W is projecting ALL of the blame on OW and, in the end what is she 'protecting' and 'marking' as her territory? Oh, right, I remember now....HER CHEATING HUSBAND who betrayed her! Seems to me I would be taking pictures of him, following him and confronting him....with divorce papers in hand. Well we can't really advise the BS to get help since she's not posting.
luvmy2ns Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Why would she cheat on her H if they had a good marriage? Obviously, she felt something was lacking. Yeah. Sometimes a cheater feels "variety" is missing, and that's all. You like sharing?
Author liddie Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 If the S lacks variety and that is why they are having an A then MAYBE he has an addiction problem. Just a thought. Kat - I am glad that you said what you said. It is very much a double-standard in that she does it to me and it is ok cuz I was sleeping with her H; however, if I stalked her I need to go to the looney bin or jail!! Its crazy!!
luvmy2ns Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 What I find odd about this entire thread is the notion that someone can't understand a woman behaving other than "normal" towards another woman who is f'ing her husband.
TogetherForever Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I said in my original thread that the W was WITH the most aldultress women in our town. Not that she was. Please reread. I made the choice to end this R with the MM several weeks ago and it has nothing to do with the W actions. She does not intimidate me or scare me. I think TF hit the nail on the head when she said.... "It's often said here on this forum that the ow is afraid to speak to the bs. In this particular case, why isn't the bs approaching the ow? Instead she chooses to stalk, stare & intimidate. Insert shoulder shrug here" She has called me recently and hung up without leaving messages. Now she stares and stares and acts strangely. If she has something to say, by all means, say it. She knows from previous conversations that I tell it like it is. And you know what else? If the wife called me, stared or stalked me, I'd ask her what the problem was & what can I do to help her. She should stop pussy-footing around. You are not with her husband anymore so what's her major malfunction??? TF But you're the better person than I'd be for not taking action. Good for you Liddie!!!! Hang in there!!!!!!!! TF
Author liddie Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 And you know what else? If the wife called me, stared or stalked me, I'd ask her what the problem was & what can I do to help her. She should stop pussy-footing around. You are not with her husband anymore so what's her major malfunction??? TF But you're the better person than I'd be for not taking action. Good for you Liddie!!!! Hang in there!!!!!!!! TF A part of me wants to say to say something to her to find out what she wants, if anything. I am going to refrain for now and see what happens. If it goes any further then I probably will say something to her. I am going to start with MM first though and see if he can nip it in the bud.
luvmy2ns Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 A part of me wants to say to say something to her to find out what she wants, if anything. I am going to refrain for now and see what happens. If it goes any further then I probably will say something to her. I am going to start with MM first though and see if he can nip it in the bud. Man, if he comes to his wife and says "you need to leave my ex side f--- alone" she better put a knee in his groin.
Trimmer Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 And you know what else? If the wife called me, stared or stalked me, I'd ask her what the problem was... yeah, I'm betting she'd say "you're sleeping with my husband" ...& what can I do to help her. ...since you're offering, stop sleeping with my husband. She should stop pussy-footing around. You are not with her husband anymore so what's her major malfunction??? Actually, neither she nor her husband have any way of knowing that yet, since liddie says she is planning on... ...ending it with the MM when he gets back in town. So at the moment, it sounds like as far as either the wife or the cheating husband know, things are still on... I am going to start with MM first though and see if he can nip it in the bud. I bet when you end it with him, it will change the complexion of the situation, at least in some way (hopefully for the better...) Of course, then he may become the wacko.....
Trimmer Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Man, if he comes to his wife and says "you need to leave my ex side f--- alone" she better put a knee in his groin. Yeah, he's going to have to handle that conversation pretty carefully...
Author liddie Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Honestly and truely, I have no control over what he or she does. If she chooses to act this way then so be it. If he chooses to say something to her or not it is not up to me. I would like to think that she will one day redirect her energy towards making her M work and being a "better wife" (those are her words not mine).
Trimmer Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Honestly and truely, I have no control over what he or she does. If she chooses to act this way then so be it. If he chooses to say something to her or not it is not up to me. I would like to think that she will one day redirect her energy towards making her M work and being a "better wife" (those are her words not mine). Sounds like a good outlook. Are you firmly resolved to end it with him?
KATANYA Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 What I find odd about this entire thread is the notion that someone can't understand a woman behaving other than "normal" towards another woman who is f'ing her husband. Oh, I quite get that part and don't doubt for one minute that W would very much like to do major harm to OW if she could; I have no doubt that W would want to cause pain and heartbreak and have her own revenge on OW for what she has contributed to the A; however, thinking it and taking actions that IMPLY what constitutes criminal are two different things! W has been wronged and she needs to deal with that wrong but no amount of stalking the OW, taking her picture, trying to intimidate her or in any other way trying to 'force' OW out of her life and that of her MM is going to corrrect the problem because OW is not the PROBLEM she is just a product of the problem. W is not married to OW, she is married to MM! Once OW is out of the picture, can W go back to life as she knew it and 'rebuild' feeling glad and triumphant that she chased OW away? Is it a matter of being the 'victor' over the enemy? IMO, you still have to deal with reality...MM cheated because? 1) he is not happy in his R 2) he is a serial cheater and its happened before and will happen again 3)he has fallen in love with OW and wants to leave the M to be with her 4) He made a huge mistake and wants to work on the marriage with W ...the reasons go on and on and the only way W will know the reasons and be able to make a decision about her response will be to seek out and confront the MM, not the OW. Unfortunately, it seems so many BS feel 'get rid of the OW' is primary to life returning to normal and are very quick to forge on in the M convincing themselves that the A happened because OW intruded in their M and lured H into this mess.......I don't by it - denial is denial and misdirected blame seems to be the excuse for many BS believing OW play a MUCH LARGER part in the A then MM. In fact, I am willing to guess that many BS do exactly the same thing with MM that the OW do......they believe whatever MM tells them as the truth because, in the end, they want 'happy ending' - MM tells BS what she wants to hear and what she needs to hear in order for the M to continue and for him to not lose everything he loves........he does the same thing with OW - tells her what he knows she wants to hear and what she needs to hear in order to stay in an R that, otherwise, many OW would NEVER be in in the first place! Gosh, you know, if OW and BS could ever team up that would be open one power house can of kicka$$ on MM!
luvmy2ns Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Gosh, you know, if OW and BS could ever team up that would be open one power house can of kicka$$ on MM! Now, see, this is what should happen. I'd LOVE to see two women goin' at the cheating piece o'!
Lizzie60 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Yesterday I was working at a festival in the town that we all live in. A friend of mine tipped me off that the W was there. She sat down directly in my line of vision and proceeded to stare at me for the next 3 hours. She held her phone up like she was taking my picture. About 2 hours into this I moved my location and so did she. She followed me and stared at me. Others were noticing this behavior and all found it disturbing. The ironic part of this story....she was with probably the biggest adultress women in our town!! IMO, the W either wants to figure what made her H fall in love with me to begin with....or she is truely a tad crazy. What do you all think? ignore her totally... don't even look at her... she'll eventually get tired of this nonsense and will leave you alone. It's her way to intimidate you... don't give in her stupid game.
Gwyneth Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I said in my original thread that the W was WITH the most aldultress women in our town. Not that she was. Please reread. I made the choice to end this R with the MM several weeks ago and it has nothing to do with the W actions. She does not intimidate me or scare me. I think TF hit the nail on the head when she said.... "It's often said here on this forum that the ow is afraid to speak to the bs. In this particular case, why isn't the bs approaching the ow? Instead she chooses to stalk, stare & intimidate. Insert shoulder shrug here" She has called me recently and hung up without leaving messages. Now she stares and stares and acts strangely. If she has something to say, by all means, say it. She knows from previous conversations that I tell it like it is. Ooops, I am one of the ones who misread the wife being the adulterer. I apologize (I Guess). I received hangups from the wife, as some of you already know. I think that's a bit insane. I mean, say hello or don't call, period. She called me five times though, and three of those time were one minute apart. That's a bit insane to me, and I don't care if she's the wife, that's just insane.
NoIDidn't Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Is MM back in town yet? Have you broken the news to him that its over yet? Maybe you should and then stop contacting him and ignoring his contact. She isn't going to stop what she is doing until she is certain that things are over between the two of you. And you shouldn't use her actions to contact him - call one of your girlfriends but not him - to complain about what she is doing. It may be unnerving to see what she is doing to you. But it is probably far more than unnerving to her just imagining what you and her H may have done.
sally4sara Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Since I've never been in the OW shoes (that I knew of) I've also never caused a marriage to end up in court. This makes me wonder if picture of the mistress can be helpful to the BS is they decided to divorce their husband. So could she be wanting a picture of you for this? You've made statements that lead me to believe you HAVE spoken to her before about this whole situation. So this "stalking" is motivated by something other than just checking you out or curiosity. She knows who you are and what you have said. She already knows a lot about you from the sound of things. So what could the picture be for? Maybe she just wanted to send someone else your picture - you know - for reference because she has told them about you. Noticed you seemed uncomfortable and decided she liked it and continued.
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