liddie Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Yesterday I was working at a festival in the town that we all live in. A friend of mine tipped me off that the W was there. She sat down directly in my line of vision and proceeded to stare at me for the next 3 hours. She held her phone up like she was taking my picture. About 2 hours into this I moved my location and so did she. She followed me and stared at me. Others were noticing this behavior and all found it disturbing. The ironic part of this story....she was with probably the biggest adultress women in our town!! IMO, the W either wants to figure what made her H fall in love with me to begin with....or she is truely a tad crazy. What do you all think?
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I think you should avoid as much contact with her as possible. I can understand being curious about the OW, but that is unsettling. I suppose you could have walked up to her and asked her if she needed something from you, but you never know how stuff like that will go down.
quankanne Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 not crazy, not desperate, just marking her territory. Which most normal, sane adult people would do if they felt their security threatened. Unfortunately, she needs to understand that if her husband doesn't truly want to work on the marriage, she's much much MUCH better off without the jackass. just my two cents
Author liddie Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 I could understand marking her territory if he was with her....however.....he is out of the state right now. That is why it was so disturbing to me. I am not going to avoid living my life just to appease her. I was clearly at the festival to do a job. I was not the one "stalking" her. She did this exact same thing two weeks ago for several hours two days in a row.
norajane Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 She was probably trying to intimidate you. I don't know your story, but if you're hoping to end up with the MM, it doesn't sound like she's going to let that happen without a fight.
Author liddie Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Intimidation was not what came to mind. The longer she stared at me....the more pitiful she became. In fact, my friends think she is intimidated by me. I am ending it with the MM when he gets back in town.
Lostgurl Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I can't believe that you are complaining that you are being stalked by your bed mate's wife! If anything it should make you feel the guilt that you should already feel and leave him, so he can either work on his marriage, or divorce her!
KATANYA Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 If it happens again I think I would be tempted to start making a log and perhaps report the behavior (possible stalking???) to the authorities - not to charge her but just to make them aware in case things turn nasty with her or other things start to happen. I would also be watching to make sure I wasn't being followed etc.....keep an eye out for her as it sounds like you have become her new favorite passtime. The other thing you may try is to take a camera with you and the next time she pulls this, take out your camera and take 'HER' picture. You are getting proof and she may back off.....you are turning the tables Finally, I would be talking to MM and telling him that she is 'his' problem and you won't be dealing with this. Tell him he had best get this under control because if he doesn't you will have to take further measures to protect yourself.
Author liddie Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 As I have already said....I am ending it with him when he gets back to town!!!
TogetherForever Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 As I have already said....I am ending it with him when he gets back to town!!! Liddie, I'm glad you are ending it with your mm. His wife sounds like a nut case. Let him have her!! TF
Author liddie Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 If it happens again I think I would be tempted to start making a log and perhaps report the behavior (possible stalking???) to the authorities - not to charge her but just to make them aware in case things turn nasty with her or other things start to happen. I would also be watching to make sure I wasn't being followed etc.....keep an eye out for her as it sounds like you have become her new favorite passtime. The other thing you may try is to take a camera with you and the next time she pulls this, take out your camera and take 'HER' picture. You are getting proof and she may back off.....you are turning the tables Finally, I would be talking to MM and telling him that she is 'his' problem and you won't be dealing with this. Tell him he had best get this under control because if he doesn't you will have to take further measures to protect yourself. Kat - I think you may be in my head!! As I have thought the exact same thing. I almost did the pic thing yesterday with my phone but was afraid she would start a scene in a very inappropriate place. I have decided already to let MM know what she is doing and for him to make it stop. Thanks for the advice Kat
Author liddie Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Liddie, I'm glad you are ending it with your mm. His wife sounds like a nut case. Let him have her!! TF TF - I agree. That was what I am starting to think. A nut case!!
Gwyneth Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Wow--psychotic defines this woman. I had an ex boyfriend in college whose current girlfriend, who was a tad jealous of me and had no reason to be, would stare at me in a class we had together, according to a classmate of mine. I felt a bit odd, and this woman wanted to kill me. She had no reason, as he and I were officially over and wanted nothing to do with each other. We were civil to each other and one day after school, he and I were chatting outside about whatever and she was waiting for him in her car and kept driving off all p'd off. A few days later, my car was keyed. What did the school do? Nothing. I had No protection what so ever, and to top it off, this woman had No reason to be so psycho toward me. Like you said, this wife of his is the biggest adulterer in town--so what's her problem? A bit possessive? Watch out, or contact the police and have witnesses go with you before your tires are slashed--or some other horrible event occurs. Women can be spiteful.
luvmy2ns Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I can't believe you people who are calling the W crazy because she's exhibiting behavior toward a woman who is f'ing her husband. Wow. I think, too, that she's trying to intimidate you, and rightfully so.
OWoman Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 As I have already said....I am ending it with him when he gets back to town!!! That's probably exactly what she hoped to achieve. Maybe acting a little whack was a small price for her to pay to get it? Now she knows craziness works, perhaps her next victim gets it ratcheted up a notch or two. Liddie, I agree with Kat - take notes, keep records, ask witnesses to do the same. You might need a peace order or an interdict to stop this woman at a later stage, and you'll be glad of the paper trail then. Take care - there are some real nutjobs out there!
blind_otter Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 That's probably exactly what she hoped to achieve. Maybe acting a little whack was a small price for her to pay to get it? Now she knows craziness works, perhaps her next victim gets it ratcheted up a notch or two. Liddie, I agree with Kat - take notes, keep records, ask witnesses to do the same. You might need a peace order or an interdict to stop this woman at a later stage, and you'll be glad of the paper trail then. Take care - there are some real nutjobs out there! In my state you need three defined incidents where the police were involved before they will issue a restraining order. I'mjustsaying. OP - Good idea to break it off with the MM when he gets back. His wife may be unbalanced and you're an easy target. Get out with what dignity you have left before something really bad happens.
quankanne Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 she was definitely trying to intimidate you. Rightfully so? On the one hand, I totally get what she's doing because she feels she's protecting her marriage, though it's not the smartest thing to do because the guy she's married to is the one who needs the boundaries reinforced and the wife just makes herself look like the jackass. liddie, you're doing the smart thing by walking away from both of them. You just don't need that kind of baggage.
TogetherForever Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 It's often said here on this forum that the ow is afraid to speak to the bs. In this particular case, why isn't the bs approaching the ow? Instead she chooses to stalk, stare & intimidate. Insert shoulder shrug here. :DTF
luvmy2ns Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 It's often said here on this forum that the ow is afraid to speak to the bs. In this particular case, why isn't the bs approaching the ow? Instead she chooses to stalk, stare & intimidate. Insert shoulder shrug here. :DTF I agree. I would just have it out with the woman. Or maybe make sure she was made to be miserable in a very insidious, yet non-confrontational AND non-criminal type of way. Oh, and yes, the H too. That's just the kinda gal I am.
Trimmer Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 IMO, the W either wants to figure what made her H fall in love with me to begin with....or she is truely a tad crazy. What do you all think? Or the other possibility: since you mentioned the irony of her being pobably the biggest adulteress in town (...you say that like adultery is a negative thing... ) maybe she is quite stable and, having been "on your side of the fence" she knows very well what lurks in the heart of the OW, and is performing a quite intentional mindf**k on you. Whether she's stable or unbalanced, the specific reason she's doing it, and what exactly is in her mind are all secondary to the interesting point that you have to admit, it's working. Call her pathetic, unbalanced, a nut case - call her what you want - but you're on the verge of dumping him. I imagine she may be chuckling somewhere. Or maybe make sure she was made to be miserable in a very insidious, yet non-confrontational AND non-criminal type of way. My point exactly - I think this is what the W is already doing to liddie... So is the W crazy, or already sanely following your advice?
NoIDidn't Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 The W is not crazy. And you can't make her H make her stop whatever she is *doing* to you. No more than she could make him stop contacting you. Glad you are still planning to break things off. Hope you will go through with them. But don't ever get into the mindset that you can make her H make her stop doing something. You don't have that kind of power. And, quite frankly, neither does he.
Author liddie Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I said in my original thread that the W was WITH the most aldultress women in our town. Not that she was. Please reread. I made the choice to end this R with the MM several weeks ago and it has nothing to do with the W actions. She does not intimidate me or scare me. I think TF hit the nail on the head when she said.... "It's often said here on this forum that the ow is afraid to speak to the bs. In this particular case, why isn't the bs approaching the ow? Instead she chooses to stalk, stare & intimidate. Insert shoulder shrug here" She has called me recently and hung up without leaving messages. Now she stares and stares and acts strangely. If she has something to say, by all means, say it. She knows from previous conversations that I tell it like it is.
Trimmer Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I said in my original thread that the W was WITH the most aldultress women in our town. Not that she was. Please reread. I stand corrected - I did miss that - although it doesn't change my point. If anything, the fact that she was with more than one other woman (you did say "women" in both references...) makes me think she is less an unhinged loner than a possibly vindictive and vengeful spouse out to make you squirm, there with the support of her "friends". Hard to understand? Not really. "Should" she do it differently? Well, you're squirming, aren't you? Should she just fade away quitely? So often we hear about how the weak, pathetic BS just slinks away and accepts the insult of the affair - at least this one is out doing something. It doesn't seem all that mystifying, and it doesn't seem any more unhinged than starting a relationship with someone who is already married... After all - to turn the creed of the OW on its head - she didn't make any promises to you, so does she really "owe" you any loyalty, kindness, respect? I'm not saying you deserve it, but is it all that hard to understand? She does not intimidate me or scare me. Great, so no problem, then... Move on with your life. Her emotional state was no concern of yours while you were in the A, it doesn't need to concern you now. As long as you are not feeling intimidated or harrassed, then it's all good. Maybe the two of them deserve each other, and maybe you deserve better...
Author liddie Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I stand corrected Trimmer - Woman not Women....sorry for the mistake and thank you for pointing that out!! I am not concerned with her as I am disturbed by her behavior. IMO there is a big difference. I appreciate your point of view of the situation as it differs from mine in that you think it is making me "squirm."
Trimmer Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Hey, and I don't really take any delight in it, and I'm sorry if I'm coming off a little glib... But I just thought that especially if she had an accomplice (this other woman), it made her sound less like a whack job than that she was maybe intentionally trying to harrass you and make you uncomfortable. Hard to say - you probably got a better feel, being right there, than we can get from a description. Either way, I still stand by my point: I bet you deserve better than this whole situation...
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