SunnyLady Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 This may be quite long. Bear with me please!!My ex and i split up about 6-7 weeks ago. I was devastated when he broke it off with me. Things were going fine, it was simply lovely. He came on really strong, showering me with affection, care and so much attention. When we started getting very close and very attached, he began to withdraw gradually. He eventually broke it off and from what i gathered he just didnt want to be in a committed relationship at that point in time and no time in the near future. He wanted to be with me, but didnt want any obligations. Although he had no problems with committing to me only (.ie. seeing only me) but he just didnt want to need to do the things required in a relationship. Committments to stay in touch all consistently, make sacrifices, see consistently etc. He wanted me but didnt want to be emotionally attached. And he said we couldnt even be in a causal relationship because whenever we got initmate, he felt very attached. So basically, he couldnt even be in a meaningless rhsip with me beause of the emotional attachment that was inevitably come into play. And right now, he isnt ready to settle down. I don't know if he was just bluffing. But it hurt a lot as i couldnt understand why someone who still had feelings for me (he said this) didnt want to be with me. Its like he was literally battling his feelings and trying to conceal them, get rid of them , fight them off. Its like he wasnt ready to allow himself to feel...even though he was feeling. Besides he had shown so much care, love and affection so i guess it was such an abrupt twist of events. Anyway he said we should be friends bla bla. For the first 2 weeks after the split, i contacted him to wish him a happy birthday. I also called him during the 3rd week. He missed my phone call but called me back shortly after. He sounded very happy to hear from me, we spoke for about an hour. As much as i missed him i realised i cdnt be friends with him. It was a great conversation, he told me it was very nice talking to me and we would talk soon. (I believe he was assuming i would keep contacting him beacause he knows how deeply i felt for him and how hard it was for me to stay away.) But i decided to go no contact. I didnt contact him for close to a month. I ensured i didnt attend an event i knew he was going to attend. A few days ago...(2days after the event we both knew he was going to attend). He contacted me. He said it had "been years" and that he had been expecting to see me at the event. He seemed very shocked that it had been so long. (i presume he was shocked that i had gone so long without contacting him). Anyway short conversation, i ensured it was short (it was actaully on Instant messenger). Yesterday i went to a mutual friends birthday gathering. I was chatting to a friend and i saw him (my ex) staring at me. I tried to igonore his gaze...and carried on chatting to my frend. Eventaully went to say hi to him as it would have been impossible for me not to acknowledge him. He hugged me tight, and commented that i had become "smaller". He said i had been a stranger of late. I figure he was expecting us to chit-chat but i didnt want to, so didnt maintain eye contact. He muttered something like "why are you behaving like that...", Anyway said the hellos and went in to socialise. He was leaving shortly after, came to me, hugged me and peeked my cheek. He then asked me if i was going clubbing (it was kind of a rhetoric question as he already knew i was going partying anyway). I was proud to say yes... (in the past he was protective and i would always turn down girl nights out to stay with him or talk to him on the phone). I was glad that he was able to see i was doing fine and living my life. A break up leaves a dent on one's self esteem...you might not understand wht im saying, but i just felt a sense of achivement and pride. And a rise in my defalted ego... Well today i miss him a lot but im moving on slowly but steadily. I just need to know what you all think about this? As much as i miss him i realise we wanted different things, even though we had once been on the same page. I accept that we are over and may never be togther again. Iv just been wondering why he contacted me...why he expects us to still be friends... is this all about his ego? I.e the fact that i am no longer mourning over him. Or does he miss atimes? im not trying to hang on to him or anything. Its only expected that ill have day to day thoughts about his actions towards me. I am fairly over him. Iv reached a point where i can have thoughts about him and smile. I guess iv gone past the worst stage...constant hurting etc. p.s- i felt soo good when i saw him staring at me! the same way he stared at me the first time we met. My esteem has risen...i feel good about myself. Yes we are done but it was a soaring feeling. Is this normal? He is probably seeing someone, i would be surprised if he wasnt. He is ready to play around but dsnt want to settle down for long.
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