pinkholly Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Ok, from the subject line, you are probably asking yourself, just say no. Here is the situation, about 9 years ago, I was married and had an affair with a married co-worker of mine. My marriage was a mess and I was looking for emotional connection through sex (wrong move!!!). I have since divorced and remarried to a very open-minded man. I have since maintained a friendship with my co-worker and everything was going along smoothly with just friendship until recently. He has asked if I am going to spend the night out of town at a business meeting and wants to take me out to dinner and also have drinks? He is going to the business meeting out of town as well. I know his pattern. He is too bashful to actually come out and ask me to have sex with him. Instead, he sets up a situation where it is conducive to have sex with him to take a chance that I will. So my hunch is, he wants to have sex with me again after 9 years of friendship. Since my divorce, I have done some soul searching and decided that I was being a cheat, a liar, and basically pretty slimey by having affairs. I hated that time in my life. I have also come to the opinion that people who sneak around behind their spouses' backs are pretty slimey and have big character flaws. I am very disappointed in him for trying this game again with me. It pretty much undermines our friendship and it is pretty pompous of him to think I would even want to have sex outside my marriage without discussing it with me. I am so angry about this now, I am tempted to tell him off, to tell his wife, to break off the friendship. What do I do? Just gracefully decline? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 What benefits are you getting from this friendship? Do they outweigh your own best interests? If you want to remain civil, just gracefully decline and don't leave the door open for any future invitations like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 I still think you can "Just say no." You are the master of your own destiny, are you not? Why waste another minute of your life being angry at this guy's (ostensible) pomposity? Just turn him down, and get on. No need to "expose" his motives, or give him a lecture on the sanctity of your marriage.... ....Or....is there more to it than that, my dear? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 I am very disappointed in him for trying this game again with me. It pretty much undermines our friendship and it is pretty pompous of him to think I would even want to have sex outside my marriage without discussing it with me. First off, this man is NO real friend of yours so end the 'friendship' completely. If he was, he wouldn't be entertaining thoughts of having an affair with you. And, the part I bolded, what do you mean by without discussing it with you? It shouldn't even BE a discussion - When and if he brings it up, you tell him NO and tell him the friendship is over. I am so angry about this now, I am tempted to tell him off, to tell his wife, to break off the friendship. What do I do? Just gracefully decline? Best revenge is to focus on you and your husband. Do NOT get involved in his life, unless you want tons of drama thrown your way. Besides, you'd be purposely hurting his wife who doesn't deserve it, out of pure revenge. WHO cares what he does, thinks or what happens between him and his wife. It isn't your business to get involved in his marriage either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkholly Posted November 8, 2007 Author Share Posted November 8, 2007 Hi, thanks for all of the responses. I am trying to decide if I can ever really be friends with this guy. We were just going out to lunch for the past year and then his proposition came up to take me to dinner and drinks! From past experience, he is saying in code that he wants to get me in the sack. I am just totally disgusted with the whole idea of a man cheating on his wife! I don't think I can even look at him anymore. This is a huge change from 8 years ago when I was married and cheating with this guy. I came to learn that dating him would not fulfull my needs of emotional intimacy, companionship, and feeling loved. It sure didn't work out that way. So ladies, beware. You will not get what you are looking for when you date a married man. He will not have time for you, he will put extreme limits on how far he will go emotionally, and his family will come first. You are definitely barking up the wrong tree. I KNOW from experience. When I was in a bad marriage which eventually ended in divorce, I was looking for all of these things and when I didn't get it with cheating, I drove myself crazy. It took me a long time to get over it. Fortunately, I am married to a new guy who is great in bed and he loves to spend time on me, love me, etc. My needs are being met with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 I think you should consider telling your husband what is going on. If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want him to tell you what was going on? It is all about honesty and if you do not discuss this with your husband then what message does this say about your marriage and respect toward your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts